Talk:Maternal health in Angola

U of U Student Feedback
It looks good so far. Since you have to add some words, I think some sections that could go into more detail are healthcare system, cultural aspects, and you could potentially add more to how malaria affects pregnancy. If you can’t find info specific to Angola, you can always add general information on Malaria in developing countries. I found some fairly good sources on that. See my Wikipedia page for the reference. So you could make Malaria a heading and then the operation plan and its affect on pregnancy as two sub sections. You could also look at policies or programs implemented in other African countries that have been successful to add to your policy section. Looks good so far!

174.23.122.4 (talk)Hmorris3

Thanks For The Feedback
The only text on my talk page is from Hmorris3. Thank you so much for responding and helping me improve my wiki page. Apparently, maternal health in Angola is not an article that is as widely viewed or discussed as other more controversial topics. The major problem is that my page is too short. I need to improve it by adding more text and examples that help discuss maternal health of Angolans. I have a sufficient amount of references in my article and more to write about concerning maternal health in Angola. The interesting thing about this subject is that it is often overlooked in terms of economics and development, as was made evident by the small amount of traffic I have received in the wiki projects and on my talk page. However, maternal health is one of the largest contributing factors of women’s capabilities in Angola and probably throughout the developing world. Thanks for contributing, Hmorris3.Haskimas B Naskasi (talk) 05:58, 24 April 2012 (UTC)

Peer Review
First thing, this article needs a lead section that summarizes the content, which should preceed the contents page. This article i think needs a focus revision. The #1 section Introduction doesn't adequately the article's title. The article is titled around the state of maternal health, not maternal death issues. I would expect a discussion of general maternal health stats and issues, not necessarily mortality risks. This is probably just a copy editing issue, but they call this a coatrack article. The problem though, is that you also have you hands tied because we're required to write an unreasonable word-count for the depth of the subject material. Thus we end up covering irrelevant issues (coats). Thus it might seem relevant to add general information about malaria in developing countries (or anything else etc), but that's totally inappropriate as we can cite to that location. There is no need for redundancy here, except to increase our word count. Talking more about malaria would be good though, but it has to be relevant to the current article. But alas im quoting wiki policy, and our grade might be more important..

Also, in the intro section i would copy edit for a bit of excess wordiness: "..states that the reasons why so many women die during childbirth...", but that's more general cleanup. The last sentence of the intro: "is a very complicated issue", this is inappropriate, we can't editoralize. I would cite this, but better yet, I would explain why it's complicated etc. Broadly speaking, I would fix all the reference links, the version i'm reading they are statically anchored, some are fixed, but others haven't been. In the 3.4 cultural section, i would, if possible explain what specific religious values (or system(s)) contribute to their behaviors/beliefs. Perhaps there are relevant wiki pages that can be referenced. Thekappen (talk) 06:52, 24 April 2012 (UTC)

Thanks for the Feedback
I will make those changes and address the introduction paragraph so that it flows better with more information explaining the issues. You have given me a lot of good advice and help. Thank you. Haskimas B Naskasi — Preceding unsigned comment added by 155.98.221.66 (talk) 19:49, 24 April 2012 (UTC)

Human Development Report 2011 as source
You can strengthen the descriptive introduction section by consulting Table 4 of HDR 2011 p. 141-142. (You can check your Assignment 3 answers too.) This descriptive analysis will allow you situate the basic dimensions of maternal health--reproductive health, maternal mortality rate, total fertility rate, and adolescent fertility rate. You can write a paragraph describing the current situation in Angola, identifying the causal connections between these variables (e.g. high MMR is associated with frequent pregnancy/high total fertility rate, which in turn is associated with low contraceptive prevalence. While a high % of pregnant women visit skilled health personnel, the conditions/quality of that care may be low.). Then write another paragraph explaining how Angola compares to the averages for Sub-Saharan Africa and/or Low HDI countries (p. 142). Then, you can write another paragraph as to why maternal health is so important: intrinsically capability of life for women, and it is connected to other capabilities of women (here you can take a look at other columns on Angola (i.e. LFP of women--ability to earn a living, ability to seek education/schooling; ability to be elected to office/women in parliament) but also instrumentally to how the country does on the whole: Poor health for women means low economic achievement for the country.BerikG (talk) 21:04, 24 April 2012 (UTC)BerikG

Thanks for the Feedback
I will look at that table and assignment 3. Thank you so much for looking at the article and getting back to me. I will be able to add more information concerning the maternal situation and capacity as well. I think that that will enhance the article. I also will change the references. Thanks again Haskimas B Naskasi — Preceding unsigned comment added by 155.97.235.107 (talk) 03:24, 25 April 2012 (UTC)

Peer review
You could talk more about malaria and communicables diseases and its effect on maternal health and subsequent child health.Also, coming back to Nussbaum you could talk about the capablities approach towards women and how poor health, leads to a poor economic development of the country.Also, is it possible to expand the prevention section.You could put in the public health approach like educuating the women about the health issues and how to prevention is better then cure.Otherwise the article looks intersting to me.Dr deshmukhe (talk) 04:27, 25 April 2012 (UTC).

Citations after the first 2
Need to correct the citations (following the way the first two are corrected).BerikG (talk) 04:26, 27 April 2012 (UTC)BerikG

Lead paragraph
As the Wikieditors cautioned at the top of the article, the article needs a lead paragraph that provides context (of Angola and its state of maternal health), before getting into the details. BerikG (talk) 16:31, 30 April 2012 (UTC)BerikG
 * I removed the "Introduction" section heading thus merging it with the too short existing lead. Lead and introduction are the same thing and per the MOS they never get a section heading. The text now requires some cleanup. Roger (talk) 08:15, 22 October 2012 (UTC)

Original research tag
The tag at the top of the page is not really useful. There are many sources cited throughout the text so it is very hard to guess which parts the original tagger believes may be OR. It would be much more useful to place "Citation needed" tags onto the specific bits that need it. Roger (talk) 08:11, 22 October 2012 (UTC)

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