Talk:Memories of My Body/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Jeromi Mikhael (talk · contribs) 05:58, 2 January 2021 (UTC)

Notice
I hold firm to the WP:SOFIXIT principles, so I would fix the problems in the article myself and would inform you about it in this page. You can revert the edits and inform it here if you feel my edit is unconstructive. I would only inquire you about references and things that I can't solve myself. Regards, Jeromi Mikhael (marhata) 05:58, 2 January 2021 (UTC)

First shots
I have done medium edits for the structure of the article. Some of the changes are:
 * Standardized the wording to a consistent British English (previously you got both US & UK mixed)
 * Other stuffs:
 * In the first part in the 1980s, young Juno lived.... → In the first part of the 1980s, young Juno lived...
 * Juno then witnessed his teacher implementing death penalty on a ... . → Juno then witnessed his teacher implementing the death penalty on a....
 * He ends his talk with a nostalgic, nudist, gruesome, and classic style of dance, respectively. → He ends his talk with a nostalgic, nudist, gruesome, and classic dance style, respectively.
 * They spend days together and have their first kiss, but he eventually moves after the death of his last known family member. → They spend days together and have their first kiss, but he eventually moves after his last known family member's death.

etc, you can see it in Special:Diff/997781320. Regards, Jeromi Mikhael (marhata) 05:58, 2 January 2021 (UTC)
 * , thanks for the small edits. I don't have a certain English palette, so you'll see me mix UK and US, as I started learning English in its British variant but grew up with the US variant. It startles foreigners too.  Gerald WL  07:43, 2 January 2021 (UTC)

Fixes

 * 1) Reliable source fixed and added date to sentence In the previous version, Headbomb's unreliable source detector marked 3 source as unreliable: two YouTube interview clips — which is allowed under WP:PRIMARY — and this Wordpress website. I replaced the citation for this with a citation from CNN and added dates to the sentence for clarity.Regards, Jeromi Mikhael (marhata) 08:53, 2 January 2021 (UTC)
 * 2) Removal of "erotica category" in Reference #63 The sentence This is also the first media explicitly categorizing Memories of My Body as erotica was cited with the source from Rotterdam Film Festival 2019: Sehtagebuch. However, the source only stated that The careful detours that have to be found in order to slowly approach each other create an immense erotic tension. I consider writing that this review categorizes the movie as erotica as an original research, and removed it.
 * 3) Redundancy Ahmad stated that the film contains morals that can be taught for a mature individual; he sees the depiction of the masculine character cross-dressing and acting feminine able to be tolerable by the general public.
 * 4) Restructuring Reception section is renamed to Critical Response per MOS and moved to below the release.
 * 5) Removal of COPYVIO concerns The File:University of West London Bohemian Rhapsody Poster.jpg has a de minimis notice, meaning that it could not be used to illustrate certain copyrighted elements. As the Bohemian Rhapsody poster is copyrighted, it can't be used to illustrate the movie.
 * 6) No need to elaborate what the characters do in Cast section.
 * 7) Restructuring #2 Controversy section moved under Critical response section.
 * 8) Add review aggregator Added Rotten Tomatoes review to Critical response section.
 * 9) Added theme section A beginning and a invisible comment containing links for expansion.
 * 10) Added a Kompas source to support the statement that Memories of My Body is the 19th film made by Garin Nugroho. Previously the Lokadata source do not explicitly stated that.
 * 11) Fixed province and changed it to regency In He also said that part of the script is loosely based on the life of Rianto, a dancer native to West Java who now stays in Japan.. The sources mention it as Banyumas, Central Java. I added the regency and removed the province.
 * 12) Added citations to the sentence that says Rianto lives in Japan Previously both of the source that you gave don't mention any of that.
 * 13) Removed this source I removed it because it doesn't support any statements in the production section.
 * 14) Removed a sentence one of Garin's works Opera Jawa (2006) once screened there too. This sentence goes down to unnecessary details.
 * 15) Check the sources to see if there is any name for the author of the newspiece/site You are liable if you don't do this. I've fixed all sources with no proper authorship. I can see that you began to stop scrutinizing the authorship since the Release section :)
 * 16) Add cover art for the soundtrack As you've described the soundtrack's cover art in the section, you are allowed to upload the cover art per fair use
 * 17) Re-placing a sentence The sentence Other directors including Hanung Bramantyo, Ernest Prakasa, and Joko Anwar also gave their own reception. is an unclear sentence and previously existed in Critical Response section. After inspecting the source, I decided to move it into the Controversy section and expand the sentence.
 * 18) Government office On the island of Sumatra, Ratu Dewa, secretary of Palembang, asked the KPI of South Sumatra to ban the film in the said territory on 29 April due to its apparent promotion of LGBT. I know what you mean by Secretary of Palembang, but it would be ambiguous to the reader (is it the mayor's secretary or the city's secretary?) So I clarified it to city's secretary based on its official name, Sekretaris Kota (Sekkot).
 * 19) Clarify The next day, Padang's regent Mahyeldi Ansharullah wrote letters to several institutions showing disgust towards the film, opposing it with similar reasons stated by other politicians. After I check the source, he doesn't send the letter to several institutions; he only send it to the Indonesian Film Censorship Board and provide carbon copies to other institution.
 * 20) Replace YouTube with a more reliable source The YouTube source previously provided at the end of the Awards Section was published by Detik. After I searched it Detik also uploaded the video in their own news website; it would be more proper to cite the website instead the YouTube source even if both contains the same thing.

Inquiries

 * I'm watching the film after the first shots, but please clarify about this: Juno then witnessed his teacher implementing the death penalty on a student—caught having sex with the teacher's spouse—with a sickle. Is it really the death penalty or an assassination? Or would watching the film help me to figure this out? Regards, Jeromi Mikhael (marhata) 05:58, 2 January 2021 (UTC)
 * , in the scene, it is implied that they have sex, as the lady started taking off her outfits. After the whatever session they're having, the student felt guilty, and the teacher popped from nowhere, acting cold. He then told the student to lay down-- he did, as if it's a rule he knew would happen if he messes. There's no looks of betrayal in the teacher, which led me to believe it is, indeed, death penalty, and not a random murder.  Gerald WL  07:45, 2 January 2021 (UTC)
 * Is it more of a....vigilante? Regards, Jeromi Mikhael (marhata) 07:54, 2 January 2021 (UTC)
 * , I'll say yeah. It's no Your Honor. Will go fix it there-- thanks for spotting!  Gerald WL  07:56, 2 January 2021 (UTC)
 * ✅  Gerald WL  07:57, 2 January 2021 (UTC)
 * Per WP:FILMCAST: All names should be referred to as credited, or by common name supported by a reliable source. I've searched far and wide but can't find this. Could you help me with this one? Regards, Jeromi Mikhael (marhata) 11:14, 2 January 2021 (UTC)
 * , I believe the film credits is a reliable source, just like how film plots have the film itself as a source. Example of a GA in this case is Friday the 13th (2009 film).  Gerald WL  11:29, 2 January 2021 (UTC)
 * I don't share the same spirit on your COPYVIO concern. I don't think de minimis works are only allowed in the article about the film itself, at least not that I'm aware of.  Gerald WL  13:07, 2 January 2021 (UTC)
 * Ok then. Regards, Jeromi Mikhael (marhata) 14:11, 2 January 2021 (UTC)
 * , could you please expand the Theme section with the sources, based on the hidden comments sources? (Or you can add some more yourself). Regards, Jeromi Mikhael (marhata) 14:11, 2 January 2021 (UTC)
 * , are those links included in the article already? If so, I'll just re-use the pre-existed template and not have duplicate citations.  Gerald WL  14:27, 2 January 2021 (UTC)
 * , never mind, it's done.  Gerald WL  15:20, 2 January 2021 (UTC)
 * , I have some trouble expanding the plot of the movie to met the "400-700 word. Could you expand it to met what the criterion requires? (700 is recommended, but 400 is ok). In the meantime I'll check for OR and we should be done. Regards, Jeromi Mikhael (marhata) 09:35, 3 January 2021 (UTC)
 * , that is just a recommendation of MOS. It doesn't necessarily have to be 400; I'm sure the alarm only goes off when it hits 700. The film's major points are all stated, and I would not dare including trivial points as MOS discourages it.  Gerald WL  13:45, 3 January 2021 (UTC)
 * Section response: He gave the example of Opera Jawa, which was also contested by the World Hindu Youth Organization, calling it stupid, even when the film received positive reviews by the Hindu community in Bali, where the religion is dominant. Is this relevant to the topic in question? Or should it be removed?
 * For me that's fine, as it gives a teaser to Garin's controversial works.  Gerald WL  13:45, 3 January 2021 (UTC)

MOS Checkbox

 * Notability guidelines: ✅
 * Naming conventions: ✅
 * Article italics: ✅
 * Primary content: ✅
 * Lead section: ✅
 * Identify title of the film, the year of its public release, primary genre or sub-genre: ✅
 * Identify director and the star or stars of the film: ✅
 * NPOV in lead: ✅
 * Peripheral second paragraph: ✅
 * Plot section: ✅
 * No analytic, synthetic, interpretive, explanatory, or evaluative claims: ✅
 * Describes the events of the original general release: ✅
 * Cast section: ✅
 * Name the most relevant actors and roles with the most appropriate rule of thumb: ✅
 * Referred to as credited: ✅
 * Theme section: ✅
 * Production section: ✅
 * development, pre-production, production or filming, post-production: ✅
 * Release section: ✅
 * Critical response section: ✅


 * Secondary content: ✅
 * Controversy section: ✅
 * Soundtrack section: ✅


 * Non-prose components: ✅
 * Images: ✅

GA evaluation
General: Your writing and grammar is good; just avoid redundancy in sentences. After citing a source in visual editor, do not forget to clean it up: add the authors, editor, date of publication and location.

GA Passed: This article has passed the GA criteria. Congratulations!