Talk:Mercenary War/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Harrias (talk · contribs) 10:18, 29 March 2020 (UTC)

I'll take a look at this shortly. Harrias talk 10:18, 29 March 2020 (UTC)


 * Many thanks. Note the non-liquid-related use of "poured". Gog the Mild (talk) 10:17, 30 March 2020 (UTC)
 * Right, where's that quick fail template... Harrias  talk 10:18, 30 March 2020 (UTC)


 * References
 * All appear reliable.
 * Be consistent about whether the location is listed or not: "Collins, Roger (1998)" does not include it, but "Hau, Lisa (2016)" does, for example.
 * Fixed, bar encyclopaedias and journals, where it is not normal to include them.


 * "Hoyos 2015, p. 102." points to "Hoyos, Dexter (2015) [2011].", which unlike the others from that source, does not include chapter details. It looks to me that it is in Chapter 6: Polybius and the Punic Wars, by Craige B. Champion?
 * Absolutely correct. I had gone for the editor and not the chapter author. (The editor does contribute several chapters.) Thanks for picking it up. Corrected.


 * "Scullard, H.H. (2006) [1989]." has flagged up with an error: "|first3= missing |last3=".
 * I know. I have no idea why; everything is correct and clicks through. Fixed.

I will complete some spotchecks on facts as I work through the article. More to follow. Harrias talk 11:00, 30 March 2020 (UTC)


 * Pour it on. Gog the Mild (talk) 12:59, 30 March 2020 (UTC)


 * Background
 * Switch the link to "Mediterranean" to the first use.
 * Done.


 * "..300 kilometres (190 mi) to the south-west." To the south-west of what? Carthage, or their current boundaries?
 * Done.


 * It would be useful somewhere to specify in the article where Carthage was; to give an idea of where the centre of their power was.
 * I have "Tunis, 16 kilometres (10 mi) from Carthage" in "Background". Would you like me to pull this up earlier? Or to make it more explicit? Or both?
 * If it could be mentioned earlier, that would be grand. Harrias  talk 14:48, 30 March 2020 (UTC)
 * Done.


 * "Libyans provided close-order infantry equipped with large shields, helmets, short swords and long thrusting spears and close-order shock cavalry carrying spears.." The "..and long thrusting spears and close-order shock cavalry" threw me off here; can this sentence be split or written for clarity?
 * "Libyans provided close-order infantry equipped with large shields, helmets, short swords and long thrusting spears; as well as close-order shock cavalry carrying spear" That do?
 * That works for me. Harrias  talk 14:48, 30 March 2020 (UTC)


 * Is "staying power" encyclopaedic language?
 * Quite seriously, I don't see why not. Although I am open to any other suggestions which convey the message. You know how your mind gets jammed on a single way of expressing something.
 * I can live with it. Harrias  talk 14:48, 30 March 2020 (UTC)


 * "light infantry skirmishers" is getting a bit jargon-heavy without a wikilink.
 * I thought that I had already linked "skirmisher"; it must have got lost in the editing. Now linked, and "light infantry".


 * "The Carthaginian authorities decided to instead wait until all of the troops had arrived and then attempt to negotiate a settlement at a lower rate." Well, this doesn't seem a recipe for disaster at all. Sit an army inside your city, and then try and screw them over. No review comment here. Unless I'm reviewing their tactics, in which case I might start looking for that quick fail template again.
 * A triumph of petty politics over practicality, and they paid the price. Obviously, not something that ever happens in our enlightened modern times.


 * "Freed of their long discipline.." What do you mean by "long discipline"? Is this shorthand for "long years of discipline"?
 * Possibly. Fixed. (The source gets quite excited about "carnal appetites".)


 * "The pay dispute had become a full-scale revolt threatening Carthage's existence as a state." I'm shocked. Shocked, I tell you.
 * It does seem like something Blackadder stole from Baldrick, doesn't it?


 * War
 * "..the rebels had already blockaded Utica and Hippo.." Do we have any idea why the rebels targeted Utica and Hippo, given they had previously been in Tunis?
 * Nope. Nothing in the sources. (At a pure guess, inter-city rivalry from the now majority Africans among the rebels. A bit like the Cornish rising up, and the first thing they want to do is march on Exeter. But that is strictly OR.)


 * "..without a ransom being required, they were immediately.." Preference: switch "they" to "and".
 * Done.


 * Wikilink Hiero II of Syracuse, assuming that's the right chap.
 * It is. Thank you.


 * "In late 140 or early 139 BC.." 240/239?
 * Grr!


 * "When it arrived its members also mutinied, joined the previous mutineers, and killed all of the Carthaginians on the island." Well, of course they did.
 * A triumph of hope over experience. Would you believe that there is scholarly debate as to why the Carthaginians lost the Punic Wars?


 * Is it the Battle of "The Saw", per our article, or Battle of the Saw, per this article?
 * I see no reason for "The". Not in any of five sources which name the battle. No idea what the original creator was thinking of, but things were different in 2006.
 * It works for me. I've carried out the appropriate changes to the other article. Harrias  talk 14:48, 30 March 2020 (UTC)


 * "The rebels, rather than wait to be besieged met the.." Comma after besieged.
 * Done.


 * "..mid- to late 238 BC." Complete the hyphenation here.
 * Done. (I guessed that you meant 'late-238 BC', although this is an unusual construction. I was using a hanging hyphen per MOS:HANGING.
 * I had actually meant "mid-to-late", but on reflection, this works better without them at all I think. Harrias  talk 14:48, 30 March 2020 (UTC)


 * "..while Mathos was dragged.." Typo.
 * Thanks. Referred to as Mathos in some sources.
 * Doesn't surprise me. They couldn't deal with basic military strategy; spelling was probably well beyond them. Harrias  talk 14:48, 30 March 2020 (UTC)


 * "..their out expedition.." Out? Own?
 * Probably. Fixed.


 * "..and the outrageous extra indemnity.." This POV statement needs attribution.
 * I assume you mean in line. Deleted, as I want to keep the aftermath pithy.


 * Images
 * Can File:Guerra mercenaria.png be cropped to remove the foreign language text from the bottom.
 * Done.

Overall, nice interesting work. Harrias talk 13:28, 30 March 2020 (UTC)


 * Thanks . Your comments addressed above. Gog the Mild (talk) 14:30, 30 March 2020 (UTC)
 * A couple of quick replies, but nothing major. Will pass GA, as it meets the guidelines with or without them. Harrias  talk 14:48, 30 March 2020 (UTC)


 * Thanks again, swift service. One amendment made, but I don't see what you are driving at re the hyphens. (I don't actually see what was wrong with the original - there is, on checking, an identical usage in one of the sources.) Could you make the appropriate edit? Thanks. Gog the Mild (talk) 15:21, 30 March 2020 (UTC)
 * I would typically only use a hanging hyphen for something like "mid- to long-range". However, on looking through the old internet, it appears what you wrote originally is probably right. Go back to that, and ignore me. Harrias  talk 15:31, 30 March 2020 (UTC)
 * Well, only if you insist. You mean, like, completely? Gog the Mild (talk) 15:54, 30 March 2020 (UTC)
 * You watch it, or I'll go through and trim down the article until it only has the bare bones left!! Harrias  talk 15:58, 30 March 2020 (UTC)


 * I have come up with a couple of interesting DYKs - Template:Did you know nominations/Mercenary War. Be interesting to see what the folk there make of them. Gog the Mild (talk) 16:34, 30 March 2020 (UTC)