Talk:Merritt A. Edson/GA1

GA Review
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 * GA review (see here for criteria) (see here for this contributor's history of GA reviews)


 * 1) It is reasonably well written:
 * Not Yet
 * 1) The lead needs to be expanded to summarize the entire article.
 * Done. --Kumioko (talk) 20:28, 20 July 2009 (UTC)


 * 1) The "Central America & China" section needs to be copy-edited because it is written in passive tense.
 * 2) Longdashes should not have spaces between them. The format for them is "word—word". Please make this consistent in the article. Also, remove the endashes (-) and replace them with longdashes in the prose.
 * Done. --Kumioko (talk) 20:28, 20 July 2009 (UTC)


 * 1) "was awarded a Gold Star in lieu of a second Legion of Merit." - Explain what a gold star is here, the average person does not know.
 * 2) "He set up an efficient organization on a semi-military basis," - explain this.
 * 3) Done. --Kumioko (talk) 14:17, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 4) Parenthesis should not be in leads. The Navy Cross headers should be renamed.
 * 5) Done. --Kumioko (talk) 02:14, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 6) The "Other Honors" section is too short to be its own section. It should be either merged into another section or removed. Also, it should be referenced.
 * 7) Done. I added some info and references. I had to remove the bit about Edson Hall until I find a reference but once I track that down I will add that back in. --Kumioko (talk) 03:39, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) Finally, the article should be copy edited. I see a lot of run-on sentences and sentence fragments interspersed throughout. A MILHIST copy edit would solve this if you want someone else to look into it.
 * 9) It is factually accurate and verifiable:
 * Not Yet
 * 1) His commission date needs a ref.
 * 2) Done. --Kumioko (talk) 02:16, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) "His efforts greatly contributed to the organization and establishment of this "University for Marines"." - Needs a ref
 * 4) Done. --Kumioko (talk) 14:16, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 5) "his exhibition of coolness, intrepidity, and dash so inspired his men that superior forces of bandits were driven from their prepared positions and severe losses inflicted upon them." - Needs a ref.
 * 6) it became "Edson's Ridge", in high honor of the officer who "was all over the place, encouraging, cajoling, and correcting as he continually exposed himself to enemy fire." - Needs a ref.
 * 7) Done. --Kumioko (talk) 02:29, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 8) From then on Col Edson was known by all as "Red Mike". - Needs a ref.
 * 9) Done. --Kumioko (talk) 02:29, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 10) "A brother officer said of him shortly thereafter that officers and men would willingly follow him anywhere—the only problem was to keep up with him." - Needs a ref.
 * 11) Done. --Kumioko (talk) 02:29, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 12) "It was also said that he was not readily given to a show of emotion." - Said by who? Unless a reference can be given for this claim, it needs to be removed.
 * 13) Done. --Kumioko (talk) 14:17, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 14) "When the war's over; when the job's done." - Needs a ref.
 * 15) Done. --Kumioko (talk) 14:16, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 16) "MajGen Edson's civilian service was equally distinguished." -This is a statement of opinion which needs a ref or to be removed.
 * 17) Done. --Kumioko (talk) 14:16, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 18) It is broad in its coverage:
 * Pass No problems there.
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy:
 * Not Yet The article is written with a pro-US military slant. It needs to be written in a completely neutral tone.
 * 1) "A brother officer said of him..." - terms like "brother officer" are not professional and need to be removed from the text. It needs to be written professionally, per WP:TONE. Same goes for "...more than 30 years in the military service of his country." later on.
 * 2) Done. I reworded this and removed the 2nd piece. --Kumioko (talk) 14:16, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * 3) It is stable:
 * Pass No problems there.
 * 1) It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate:
 * Pass No problems there.
 * 1) Overall:
 * On Hold until issues are resolved. 00:23, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
 * All right. The fixes have addressed the concerns to my satisfaction. The article now meets GA criteria according to my interpretation of them. Well done. — Ed! (talk) 15:37, 21 July 2009 (UTC)