Talk:Miles Dempsey/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Djmaschek (talk · contribs) 21:40, 17 September 2021 (UTC)

Review 1
Please fix or argue your case to not fix. There will be more to come. Djmaschek (talk) 00:05, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
 * Introduction:
 * Paragraph 2: "awarded Military Cross" > "awarded the Military Cross".
 * ✅ Added. Hawkeye7   (discuss)  02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
 * Paragraph 2: "Iran during the Russian Civil War, and in India" > "in Iran during the Russian Civil War, and in India".
 * ✅ Added. Hawkeye7   (discuss)  02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
 * Between the wars:
 * Paragraph 1: "where formed part" > "where it formed part".
 * ✅ Added. Hawkeye7   (discuss)  02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
 * Paragraph 1: "but in 1922 returned" > "but in 1922 he returned".
 * ✅ Added. Hawkeye7   (discuss)  02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
 * Paragraph 2: "Dempsey remained in this post..." > This sentence is very long and awkward to read. Can it be written as 2 sentences?
 * ✅ Split sentence. Hawkeye7   (discuss)  02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
 * Paragraph 6: "The brigade, commanded by..." > This sentence is very long and awkward to read. Can it be written as 2 sentences, perhaps with the second sentence starting with "after handing over again"?
 * ✅ Split sentence. Hawkeye7   (discuss)  02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
 * Paragraph 6: Is GSO2 defined somewhere? I don't see it.
 * ✅ Not very well, but added a link. Hawkeye7   (discuss)  02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)

Review 2
Here's more. Djmaschek (talk) 01:45, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
 * Belgium and France:
 * Picture: "Miles Dempsey (center)" in the caption would be helpful.
 * ✅ Changed as suggested. Hawkeye7   (discuss)  02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
 * Paragraph 3: Add Dyle and Scarpe river links.
 * ✅ Linked. Hawkeye7   (discuss)  02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)


 * Sicily and Italy:


 * Picture: "Dempsey (left)" in the caption would be helpful.
 * ✅ Added. Hawkeye7   (discuss)  02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
 * Paragraph 2: "developed by a Algiers known as Force 141" (something is wrong here: missing words in sentence?)
 * ✅ Added missing words. Hawkeye7   (discuss)  02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
 * North Western Europe:
 * Paragraph 2: "which we called his 'whizzer' " ("we" makes it seem like this is from a quote, but there are no quote marks)
 * ✅ Typo. Changed to "he". Hawkeye7   (discuss)  02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
 * Paragraph 2: "it was it still a field" > "it was still a field" (extra word)
 * ✅ Deleted. Hawkeye7   (discuss)  02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
 * Paragraph 3: Maurice Chilton (this is the second link)
 * ✅ Unlinked. Hawkeye7   (discuss)  02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
 * Paragraph 3: "He later became Deputy Adjutant General at 21st Army Group HQ, and was replaced by ... Pyman" (who is he? replaced as what?) Suggest: "Chilton later became Deputy Adjutant General at 21st Army Group HQ, and was replaced as chief of staff by ... Pyman".
 * ✅ Changed as suggested. Strictly speaking they were Dempsey's Brigadier, General Staff; "chief of staff" was a Montgomery change of doctrine. Hawkeye7   (discuss)  02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
 * Paragraph 4: "assisted heavy bombers" > "assisted by heavy bombers".
 * ✅ Added missing word. Hawkeye7   (discuss)  02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
 * Paragraph 5: This might mention that Erskine was also dismissed. (I have the D'Este book.)
 * ✅ Yes, he was. Added. Hawkeye7   (discuss)  02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)


 * Far East"
 * Paragraph 1: "in the far East" > "in the Far East".
 * ✅ Capitalised. Hawkeye7   (discuss)  02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)


 * Post-war career:


 * Paragraph 1: "Although Montgomery wanted Dempsey to succeed him as CIGS." (not a sentence)
 * ✅ Corrected. Hawkeye7   (discuss)  02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)


 * Reputation:
 * Last quote: "He has remained a showy figure" ("showy" is the opposite of introverted: could this be a typo for "shadowy"?)
 * ✅ Corrected. Hawkeye7   (discuss)  02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)


 * Overall:
 * There is no explanation for his nickname Bimbo. Do any sources mention this?
 * D'Este, Pyman and Rostron all say what I've said in footnote a: he was embarrassed by it, and never talked about it. Hawkeye7   (discuss)  02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)

All points addressed. Hawkeye7  (discuss)  02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
 * I checked. It's all there. GA. Splendid article. Djmaschek (talk) 03:01, 19 September 2021 (UTC)