Talk:Miriam Auhea Kekāuluohi Crowningburg/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Iazyges (talk · contribs) 19:07, 7 April 2020 (UTC)

Will start soon. Iazyges  Consermonor   Opus meum  19:07, 7 April 2020 (UTC)

Criteria
GA Criteria:
 * 1
 * 1.a   ✅
 * 1.b   ✅
 * 2
 * 2.a   ✅
 * 2.b   ✅
 * 2.c   ✅
 * 2.d   ✅
 * 3
 * 3.a   ✅
 * 3.b   ✅
 * 4
 * 4.a   ✅
 * 5
 * 5.a   ✅
 * 6
 * 6.a   ✅
 * 6.b   ✅
 * No DAB links   ✅
 * No dead links   ✅ Suggest archiving links with Wayback Machine
 * No missing citations   ✅

Discussion

 * Must standardize citation templates; currently a mix of SFN and raw ref templates. I would personally suggest standardizing to SFN templates, but either is fine so long as it is standard. -- Iazyges   Consermonor   Opus meum  18:48, 11 April 2020 (UTC)
 * Most of the other sources are newspapers with no authors. KAVEBEAR (talk) 20:45, 11 April 2020 (UTC)
 * If you use the refname parameter you can can set the SFN names for the newspapers and cite them as such. Iazyges   Consermonor   Opus meum  21:43, 11 April 2020 (UTC)
 * Have been informed that primary sources are allowed to use a separate citation template; passing now. Iazyges   Consermonor   Opus meum  05:38, 12 April 2020 (UTC)

Prose Suggestions
Please note that all of these are suggestions, and can be implemented or ignored at your discretion.

Lede

 * Suggest expanding lede, perhaps with information about her marriage and family
 * That would just add maybe a sentence or two more and not much more information. The notable information regarding her descendants is summarized though.


 * she was connected to the ruling family of the Hawaiian Kingdom from her cousin to King Lunalilo to his successors King Kalakaua and Queen Liliʻuokalani. suggest she was connected by her cousin to the ruling family of the Hawaiian Kingdom, including King Lunalilo and his successors King Kalakaua and Queen Liliʻuokalani.
 * That changes the meaning and makes it quite awkward.


 * Auhea died on May 16, 1899 and buried next to her cousin on the grounds of the Lunalilo Mausoleum. suggest Auhea died on May 16, 1899 and was buried next to her cousin on the grounds of the Lunalilo Mausoleum.
 * Changed.

Ancestry

 * Suggest changing name to "Ancestry and early life"
 * Through this great grandfather Captain Harold Cox, suggest Through her great grandfather Captain Harold Cox,
 * Changed.

Marriage and descendants

 * He served a tax collector for Lahaina and Wailuku. does this mean he was a tax collector, or he served a tax collector? If he was, suggest He served as a tax collector for Lahaina and Wailuku., if he served a tax collector, suggest He served a tax collector, named for Lahaina and Wailuku. also suggest linking Lahaina and Wailuku and explaining that these are islands.
 * Changed.


 * Another daughter Lydia Kalola died at Lahaina on November 21, 1859, at the age of eight months and twenty-seven days. where did this daughter come from if not Jesse? If it is from another man, specify this. If it was from Jesse and we are only counting children who lived to be adults, change They had two children to They had two children who survived to adulthood
 * Changed.


 * That is all my suggestions, once the issue of the mixed citation templates is done I can pass the article. -- Iazyges   Consermonor   Opus meum  19:01, 11 April 2020 (UTC)