Talk:Modern Family season 2/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Hurricanehink (talk • message • contribs • count  • [/wiki/Special:Log?user= logs ] • email) 03:28, 3 September 2011 (UTC)


 * One thing I noticed right off the bat is that it doesn't indicate when the series was first signed on to get a second season.
 * The lede looks a little choppy, having two short paragraphs before a big one. Is there a reason you chose that style?
 * I think the lede should mention more about the season and less about the characters (or, at least, expand on some aspects of the season as a whole). Given that the lede is a summary of the article, there should be at least something about the episodes, like highest rated, any story arcs or other major events, etc.
 * The bit about being set in Los Angeles is unsourced
 * I see no mention of sophomore slump happening in the reference (some said it didn't), not to mention that the sentence it's mentioned in the lede is rather awkward
 * "Despite the criticism, the ratings for the series skyrocketed" - is that the most encyclopediac word you could think of?
 * Although you mention it later on, you should either explain "18-49 demographic" or just remove it. That sentence was long to begin with, and I put a semicolon to avoid a run-on, but you could reconsider.
 * "The series has also been nominated and won several awards including a Screen Actors Guild Award for Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Comedy Series. The series is also, currently nominated for 17 Emmy Awards including one for Outstanding Comedy Series." - both parts are somewhat awkward. The "has also been nominated and won" is verbically ambiguous :P Also, you don't clarify whether it's the series as a whole or this season. After all, this is one series of the show.
 * I'm content with the plot being sourced by the show, but what about the production number and air date? Any sources there?
 * "After Claire finds flirty texts from a boy on Alex's phone, Claire tells Haley to give her advice, in which she tells Alex to kiss the boy, which makes her go up to the boy, and ask him in front of his friends, embarrassing him." - first, that is extremely long (unnecessary detail?), not to mention kinda childish ("flirty") and a run-on.
 * "to spookify" - I'm sorry, but that's hardly professional writing :P Neither is the "..." later on that sentence (and I'm not a huge fan of weird).
 * "Claire & Haley" - why the ampersand?
 * "At Luke and Manny's first school dance, Jay and Phil take them to the mall which turns disastrous, Claire's happiness turns into jealousy when Gloria joins the school dance committee." - that's not a complete sentence.

I'm just gonna stop right there for the episode synopses. The writing is clearly lacking there, so I suggest you give it a look-through.

Going on....
 * "The second season of the show is produced by 20th Century Fox Television and Lloyd-Levitan Productions and airs on the American Broadcasting Company (ABC)." - why is all of that present tense? The season ended...
 * "Despite being produced by Lloyd-Levitan Productions, Steven Levitan and Christopher Lloyd are dissolving their four-year business partnership" - what does that mean? Will the dissolution be forthcoming, has it already happened, and why does it affect this season?
 * "Returning directors are Michael Spiller and Chris Koch. New directors are Gail Mancuso, Scott Ellis and Beth McCarthy-Miller." - could you find a way to combine those two short sentences?
 * "Jason Winer, who directed 14 episodes of the first season didn't receive a credit for the season due to him directing his first film, Arthur" - why would he? Did he have anything to do with the 2nd season? If it's just an indication that a prolific director for the first season didn't reprise in the 2nd season, just say he didn't direct anything, not that he didn't receive credit
 * The Cast section up through Haley is unsourced
 * "to appear in 22 of the 24 episode season" - that's not grammatically correct, something is missing
 * "who brought a new boyfriend, Claire's ex-boyfriend" - could you find a way to tweak that so you don't have the same word two times in three words?
 * "Another ex-partner that appeared on the show is Mitchell's ex-girlfriend who was be played by Mary Lynn Rajskub in the twelfth episode" - something missing there? "was be played"?
 * "Nathan Lane appeared as ultra-flamboyant "friend" of Mitchell & Cameron, Pepper Saltsman" - as with above, watch out for using the ampersand as a conjunction, it's inappropriate. Also, I think you have the wrong word in quotations. "ultra-flamboyant" is a little more POV-ish than "friend" :P Finally, could you combine that with the subsequent sentence? Something like "...Pepper Saltsman, who was revealed in the episode "Earthquake" to be Cameron's ex-boyfriend."
 * "Other guest appearances included Danny Trejo played a janitor at Manny and Luke's school who is feared by many students and adds tension to Claire's relationship with Gloria in the tenth episode." - poor grammar all around there, I'm sorry.
 * "Fred Willard was originally set to return this season, but didn't for unknown reasons" - it would be helpful to say why that's important
 * "Much like the first season, much" - it isn't as bad as using boyfriend so soon, but could you find a more interesting way to avoid the two "much"s?
 * How was Claire developed? You say they did without saying how
 * Quick question: was it 9pm Eastern, 8pm Central?
 * "The lowest rated episode of the season was "Mother Tucker", which was viewed by an estimated 10.53 million households with a 3.7 rating/12% share among 18-49 year olds, which much like "Fizbo", might have received a drop due to airing on Thanksgiving Eve" - you have two "which"s, which makes the sentence rather long, which makes it a bit of a run-on ;)
 * "The series also won Comedy Series" - what is that? It's so small and it's unlinked.
 * "3 nominations" - numbers less than ten should be spelled out
 * "The series was also nominated for acting for Burrell and Bowen" - I had to read that a few times. The "for acting for" threw me off
 * "13th on The A.V. Club's 25 best television series of 2010" - technically that isn't in a top-10 list

Given all that there is to do, I'm afraid I'm going to have to fail the good article nomination. Feel free to contact me if you have any questions, and good luck with future work on the article! --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 03:28, 3 September 2011 (UTC)