Talk:Monique Luiz/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 18:28, 12 September 2021 (UTC)

Comments
 * "starring in the Daisy advertisement, the incumbent president Lyndon B. Johnson's famous re-election campaign ad" not keen on seeing advertisement and ad in the same sentence. Would "starring in the Daisy advertisement, part of the incumbent president Lyndon B. Johnson's re-election campaign." (I also dropped "famous" because that's not required here in an encyclopedia.  Same applies to the mention of this in the main body.
 * Done, though various reliable sources call "Daisy" a 'famous' or 'most famous' ad. Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 03:24, 13 September 2021 (UTC)
 * "Girl" is a former" comma after Girl".
 * Done Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 03:24, 13 September 2021 (UTC)
 * " to U.S. in " to the US in
 * Done Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 03:24, 13 September 2021 (UTC)
 * "mother began taking her to" mother took her to
 * Done Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 03:24, 13 September 2021 (UTC)
 * counting count counting miscount. Bit repetitive.
 * Tried to rephrase Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 03:24, 13 September 2021 (UTC)
 * "of a mushroom clouds of the nuclear explosion, " a mushroom cloud following a nuclear explosion.
 * Done Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 03:24, 13 September 2021 (UTC)
 * "one of the most popular and controversial political advertisement" advertisements.
 * Done Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 03:24, 13 September 2021 (UTC)
 * In general, I see the words ad, advertisement, commercial etc almost every sentence. I think it could use shaking up a little so it's not so repetitive.
 * Tried to make some changes... Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 03:24, 13 September 2021 (UTC)
 * "Luiz and finally returning to the U.S. in" before returning to the US (and don't link United States).
 * Done Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 03:24, 13 September 2021 (UTC)
 * "After returning to the U.S. in 1983, " -> "Upon her return,"
 * Done Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 03:24, 13 September 2021 (UTC)
 * "the Internet.[8][2] Another" ref order.
 * Done Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 03:24, 13 September 2021 (UTC)
 * "position for years" this reads a touch colloquial.
 * Removed Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 03:24, 13 September 2021 (UTC)
 * "Her portuguese husband" capital P and no need to link.
 * Done Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 03:24, 13 September 2021 (UTC)
 * "at the Phoenix bank" "the" Phoenix bank?
 * Removed the definite article Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 03:24, 13 September 2021 (UTC)
 * "unsuccessful presidential campaign against" overlinked.
 * Removed the link Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 03:24, 13 September 2021 (UTC)
 * " Trump.[19][1] The" ref order.
 * Done Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 03:24, 13 September 2021 (UTC)
 * Some of the See also have already been linked in the article.
 * Done Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 03:24, 13 September 2021 (UTC)
 * I don't even understand the relevance of "Doyle Dane Bernbach"?
 * Removed. Though DDB has been credited for creating the Daisy ad (along with Tony Schwartz) Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 03:24, 13 September 2021 (UTC)

That is all I have. The Rambling Man (Keep wearing the mask...) 19:47, 12 September 2021 (UTC)
 * @ I have tried to address all your concerns. Please let me know if anything else needs to be addressed. Thanks!  Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 07:51, 13 September 2021 (UTC)