Talk:Moors murders/GA1

GA Review
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Comments

 * had been sexually assaulted - maybe "were sexually assaulted" to clarify that the sexual assaults were part of the killings, rather than the children being say, victims of child abuse who were murdered by Hindley and Brady. May sound a bit silly - feel free to ignore it if you wish.


 * That's a fair point I think, done. --Malleus Fatuorum 03:12, 15 September 2009 (UTC)


 * Sentence starting "On 6 October 1965 Brady met 17-year-old apprentice engineer Edward Evans" - is there any more information on Evans' murder? It seems a bit short compared to the other sections.


 * The second paragraph of the Initial report section contains just about all that's known about Evans's murder. --Malleus Fatuorum 17:08, 15 September 2009 (UTC)


 * "On the evening of 6 October 1965 Hindley drove Brady to Manchester Central Station" - this para needs a few more inline cites. My rule of thumb is an inline cite for any questioned statement or statement that could be questioned, so a few more would be nice.


 * Everything in that sentence is already properly cited, and nothing would be gained by repeating them unnecessarily. --Malleus Fatuorum 03:34, 15 September 2009 (UTC)


 * "Hindley was at liberty" - out free? If so, please clarify.


 * Don't understand what you're asking for here. The article already says that she wasn't arrested until five days after Brady's arrest, and "at liberty" seems like a more elegant phrasing than "out free". --Malleus Fatuorum 03:24, 15 September 2009 (UTC)


 * "The trial was held over 14 days beginning on 19 April 1966, in front of Mr Fenton-Atkinson, the trial judge" - is the last bit necessary? Fenton-Atkinson should also be Fenton Atkinson.


 * I've had to keep changing "Fenton-Atkinson" back to "Fenton Atkinson", and I've corrected it again. You're probably right asbout "trial judge", so I've removed it. --Malleus Fatuorum 03:12, 15 September 2009 (UTC)


 * Other sources I've found said the trial was held at Chester Assizes - if so, you might want to include that, linking Assizes.


 * The immediately predeeding sentence already says that: "Committal proceedings were heard in front of three magistrates in Hyde over an 11-day period during December, at the end of which the pair were committed for trial at Chester Assize Crown Court." --Malleus Fatuorum 03:16, 15 September 2009 (UTC)
 * Ahh right, didn't see that. Probably still a good idea to link "assize" - it's an entirely English phenomenon in its modern form (or was, until the Royal Commission on Quarter Sessions and Assizes. Spoilsports.) Ironholds (talk) 03:45, 15 September 2009 (UTC)


 * "recorder of Salford" - link "recorder".


 * Done. --Malleus Fatuorum 03:12, 15 September 2009 (UTC)


 * "truly horrible case" needs an inline cite, as do "a very long time" and "wicked beyond belief"


 * All of those quotes are covered by the citations at the end of the sentences in which they appear. --Malleus Fatuorum 03:20, 15 September 2009 (UTC)


 * "Lord Longford pleaded for her release" - link "Lord Longford". I appreciate it is linked, but a lot further down the article. Ideally if it's only going to be linked once it should be linked further up.


 * I've moved the link up to the first occurrence. --Malleus Fatuorum 03:12, 15 September 2009 (UTC)


 * "Over the next few months interest in the search waned, but Hindley's clue had been sufficient for the police to focus their search on a specific area" - repetition of search, suggest "Over the next few months interest in the search waned, but Hindley's clue had been sufficient for the police to focus on a specific area".


 * I've changed the second occurrence of "search" to "efforts". --Malleus Fatuorum 03:40, 15 September 2009 (UTC)


 * "The identity of Brady's father has never been reliably ascertained, although his mother claimed he was a reporter working for a Glasgow newspaper, who died three months before Brady was born." - inline cite as per my above rule of thumb.
 * Its already cited. Parrot of Doom (talk) 20:20, 15 September 2009 (UTC)
 * Cameras "crowded the pavement" outside - quote, inline cite.


 * Once again, this quotation is covered by the citation at the end of the sentence in which it appears. I'm not aware of any requirement that quotations have to be cited immediately after their appearance, and it would seem absurd to me to have the repeat the same citation part way through the sentence and then again at the end. --Malleus Fatuorum 03:29, 15 September 2009 (UTC)
 * Mmn, sounds fair enough. Alrighty, link the Assize like I suggested and it's all good. Ironholds (talk) 03:45, 15 September 2009 (UTC)


 * Assizes is now linked. --Malleus Fatuorum 17:08, 15 September 2009 (UTC)
 * Excellent, I'll list it now. Congrats on the good article, and thanks for not slapping me silly for my comments. Ironholds (talk) 17:42, 15 September 2009 (UTC)


 * Done. Ironholds (talk) 02:17, 15 September 2009 (UTC)