Talk:Moses Bensinger/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 19:50, 7 March 2021 (UTC)

Comments
 * The lead is just a little brief for me, I usually aim for something from each level 2 heading in there (a good sanity check to see if new sections are needed too!)
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:54, 8 March 2021 (UTC)


 * "Brunswick-Balke-Collender Company" can't this be linked?
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 15:49, 8 March 2021 (UTC)


 * Early life section, latter four sentences are very short and disrupt readability, can you merge them, perhaps in pairs, to give a better reading experience?
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 22:02, 8 March 2021 (UTC)


 * I think it's fair to linked billiard and pool table in the main body.
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 22:08, 8 March 2021 (UTC)


 * Any reason Chicago isn't linked in the infobox?
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 22:08, 8 March 2021 (UTC)


 * "a couple of others " feels too informal in tone for an encyclopedic article.
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 16:05, 9 March 2021 (UTC)


 * "This competitive company," why "competitive?
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 16:05, 9 March 2021 (UTC)


 * "new merged company formed was incorporated " I'm confused by this wording.
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 16:05, 9 March 2021 (UTC)


 * A lot of the Mid life section talks about company names/mergers/incorporations etc, and not much about Bensinger.
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 16:05, 9 March 2021 (UTC)


 * "into bowling manufacturing" what does that mean? Bowling balls or equipment or what?
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 16:54, 9 March 2021 (UTC)


 * " played mostly by Germans in dimly lit Chicago saloons " sounds anecdotal, do you really mean that the sport lacked any kind of competitive organisation?
 * ✅ Correct. Jones (page 66) = In the 1890s Moses Bensinger, Brunswick president saw great potential in the then-disorganized sport of bowling,
 * Cayton (page 881) = Bowling was a regional sport played in dimly lit German saloons until the 1890s when it separated from taverns.


 * "Bensinger helped coordinate and " something missing here it feels.
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:16, 9 March 2021 (UTC)


 * And you link bowling on the second mention here, unless that "german" bowling wasn't ten pin...
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:16, 9 March 2021 (UTC)


 * "He started then to make bowling balls and pins for new bowling alleys." wasn't this what happened in 1888 in the previous paragraph?
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:16, 9 March 2021 (UTC)


 * "Bensinger, Brunswick's German-Jewish son-in-law," eh?? Dropped that in before saying he got married to Brunswick's daughter?  Seems odd ordering.
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:16, 9 March 2021 (UTC)


 * Don't think A.B.C. needs those full stops.
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:16, 9 March 2021 (UTC)


 * "daughter of John M. Brunswick..." shouldn't JMB be mentioned and linked prior to this?
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:16, 9 March 2021 (UTC)


 * Oh, what happened to the jewelry business?
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:16, 9 March 2021 (UTC)


 * Seems odd to have the billiard table and clubs/associations sections after his death section...
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:16, 9 March 2021 (UTC)


 * "that had his billiard" that used his.
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:16, 9 March 2021 (UTC)


 * Ref 3 has an odd formatting thing going on.


 * A-K should be A–K.
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:16, 9 March 2021 (UTC)


 * ISBNs should be consistently formatted.
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:43, 9 March 2021 (UTC)


 * Rapoport has a "." after the ref.
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:43, 9 March 2021 (UTC)


 * Close off the small text after the bibliography so it doesn't impact the External links section.
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:43, 9 March 2021 (UTC)


 * "American billiards" ext link could use a better description.
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:43, 9 March 2021 (UTC)

That's it on a quick pass, on hold. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!&#33;!&#33;) 15:28, 8 March 2021 (UTC)
 * Thanks for review. I'll start on the issues.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 15:33, 8 March 2021 (UTC)
 * All issues have been addressed. Can you take another look. Thanks.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:43, 9 March 2021 (UTC)
 * Hi Doug, I'll take a look tomorrow morning (it's nearly bedtime for me). Cheers.  The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!&#33;!&#33;) 21:45, 9 March 2021 (UTC)
 * FWIW - I worked for Brunswick Corporation in the 1970s. I was a technician and repaired Automatic scorer computers in the 1970s in the state of Michigan. At the time Brunswick was in Muskegon and I lived some 80 miles (130 km) away in Kalamazoo, Michigan. I worked out of my home. Presently I live in Ludington, Michigan - some 50 miles (80 km) from Muskegon. The Brunswick manufacturing plants have since been torn down . --Doug Coldwell (talk) 13:15, 10 March 2021 (UTC)
 * That's fascinating. I was first introduced to bowling in the late 1980s when I worked at RAF Bentwaters and have bowled ever since.  My most treasured memory of my ex-local bowling alley was getting a guided tour from the technician and to get an insight into why it went wrong so frequently!  The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!&#33;!&#33;) 13:19, 10 March 2021 (UTC)


 * Ref 34 has a weird period thing going on.
 * ✅ stumped!!!? Everything looks correct to me. I'll fix it, however I need some more clues of what the issue is. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 15:12, 11 March 2021 (UTC)


 * Ref 49 needs The Republic to be disambiguated.
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 15:12, 11 March 2021 (UTC)

The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!&#33;!&#33;) 13:36, 11 March 2021 (UTC)
 * I'm controlling the virus = I use Norton Antivirus - will that work? He, he, he, he.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 15:12, 11 March 2021 (UTC)


 * All issues have been addressed. Can you take another look. Thanks.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 15:12, 11 March 2021 (UTC)
 * It's weird, there's a period on the line under the ref, but if I make the page a bit narrower, it just goes where it should go. How odd.  So I'll pass the nom!  Cheers. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!&#33;!&#33;) 16:06, 11 March 2021 (UTC)