Talk:Murder of Cameron Blair/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: GhostRiver (talk · contribs) 05:01, 26 October 2021 (UTC)

I'll look at this tomorrow when I am more awake! —  Ghost River  05:01, 26 October 2021 (UTC)
 * Hi there, thanks for looking at this for me! Having looked at your profile, it almost seems fated for you to review my first proposed GA, as I also have a Bachelor's degree in English, am pursuing secondary education at present, and hope to do a PhD in the future. Also - English and Neuroscience?! How did you manage that! Xx78900 (talk) 15:24, 26 October 2021 (UTC)
 * What a wild coincidence! And the answer is that I thought I wanted to be a scientist who did English on the side, and by the time I decided that English was my career path, I figured I had enough neuro credits to just finish that major off too. —  Ghost River  20:54, 27 October 2021 (UTC)

Infobox and lede

 * This is a bit counterintuitive: per MOS:FIRST and MOS:BOLDLEAD, there are certain cases where you don't necessarily bold the article title, and murders tend to fall under these. Usually, the article begins with either the victim's name and lifespan (see Murder of Sylvia Likens or Murder of James Bulger), or with a detail of the event, and once again just the victim's name is bolded (Murder of Kitty Genovese)
 * ✅ Xx78900 (talk) 09:55, 28 October 2021 (UTC)


 * "The perpetrator of the crime was a boy who was seventeen years old at the time of the killing, and whose name cannot be published under Irish law." "As the perpetrator was a boy who was only seventeen years old at the time of the killing, his name cannot be published under Irish law."
 * ✅ Xx78900 (talk) 09:55, 28 October 2021 (UTC)


 * Comma after "to Cork University Hospital"
 * ✅ Xx78900 (talk) 09:55, 28 October 2021 (UTC)


 * Combine second and third paragraphs so each one isn't hanging out on its own
 * ✅ Xx78900 (talk) 09:55, 28 October 2021 (UTC)


 * Per MOS:LEADCITE, information cited in the body doesn't have to be cited in the lede/lead
 * ✅ Xx78900 (talk) 09:55, 28 October 2021 (UTC)


 * For "Parents" in the infobox, "Noel Blair, Kathy Blair" "Noel and Kathy Blair"
 * ✅ Xx78900 (talk) 09:55, 28 October 2021 (UTC)

Night of the murder

 * "40s" "forties"
 * ✅ Xx78900 (talk) 09:55, 28 October 2021 (UTC)


 * Link cannabis
 * ✅ Xx78900 (talk) 09:55, 28 October 2021 (UTC)


 * "but once outside tensions escalated" "but tensions escalated outside"
 * ✅ Xx78900 (talk) 09:55, 28 October 2021 (UTC)


 * "Cameron has" "Blair has" per MOS:SURNAME
 * ✅ Xx78900 (talk) 09:55, 28 October 2021 (UTC)


 * That all three produced knives is repeated in the first two sentences of the third paragraph
 * ✅ Xx78900 (talk) 09:55, 28 October 2021 (UTC)


 * Use the conversion template on the length of the knives
 * ❌ Sorry, I'm not sure how to use this template precisely. Also, I wasn't going to convert the length of the seventeen-year-old's knife, as I feel like inches->cm is important for an Irish page, but not vice-versa.


 * Link Cork University Hospital
 * ✅ Xx78900 (talk) 09:55, 28 October 2021 (UTC)

Seventeen-year-old

 * "and was brought before"
 * ❌ I don't think this is a grammatical error, and actually think that "was arrested and brought before" reads better than "was arrested and was brought before", though I will happily change it if you think it definitely incorrect/necessary.


 * The sentence about Oberstown should be cited per WP:INTEGRITY
 * ✅ Xx78900 (talk) 09:55, 28 October 2021 (UTC)


 * "for a remand hearing on 5 March 2020. The three were remanded to the Central Criminal Court." "for a hearing on 5 March 2020, whereupon they were remanded to the Central Criminal Court."
 * ✅ Xx78900 (talk) 09:55, 28 October 2021 (UTC)

Fourteen-year-old

 * "along with the seventeen-year-old murder suspect and Scott O'Connor" "along with the two other suspects"
 * ✅ Xx78900 (talk) 09:55, 28 October 2021 (UTC)


 * "given his age (18)," "given that he was 18 years old"
 * ✅ Xx78900 (talk) 09:55, 28 October 2021 (UTC)


 * Sentence ending "committing violent disorder" needs a citation attached per WP:INTEGRITY
 * ✅ Xx78900 (talk) 09:55, 28 October 2021 (UTC)


 * "the teenager who was fourteen at the time of the killing" "the youngest suspect"
 * ✅ Xx78900 (talk) 09:55, 28 October 2021 (UTC)


 * No comma after "Upon their return to Ireland"
 * ✅ Xx78900 (talk) 09:55, 28 October 2021 (UTC)

Scott O'Connor

 * Seeing that the sentence about Judge Dorgan is in this section, I think it can be axed in the 14yo section and just included here, where it's more relevant
 * ✅ Xx78900 (talk) 09:55, 28 October 2021 (UTC)

Memorial

 * Doesn't look like "St." in "St Peter's Church" has a period, and the C in Church should be capitalized
 * ✅ Xx78900 (talk) 09:55, 28 October 2021 (UTC)

Political response

 * "both in Cork and across Ireland"
 * ✅ Xx78900 (talk) 09:55, 28 October 2021 (UTC)


 * Hyphens to en dashes in the year ranges of this section
 * ✅ Xx78900 (talk) 09:55, 28 October 2021 (UTC)


 * Floating comma after "~10%"
 * ✅ Xx78900 (talk) 09:55, 28 October 2021 (UTC)

Threats to family

 * The part about the anti-Protestant and "fuck off back to England" stuff feels a little out of left-field; maybe having a paragraph at the top of the article called "Background" that just talks about Cameron and the Blair family would be helpful
 * ❌ I'm not entirely sure that that's necessary. The attack on Blair is the main focus of the article, and was not sectarian in nature. In the memorial section, it states that the service was led by a woman, and that the Anglican bishop offered the family his condolences, which does establish the Blairs' Protestant faith. The line where Barry tells Blair to "fuck off back to England" isn't really the defining element of the abuse, just an aspect of it. Furthermore, I don't think I've actually seen any information regarding Cameron Blair's personal faith, and this seems more relevant to his parents than to him. That said, if you strongly feel this is necessary, I will change it.Xx78900 (talk) 09:55, 28 October 2021 (UTC)

General comments

 * Images are properly licensed and relevant
 * No stability concerns in the revision history
 * Earwig score looks good, lines fall under WP:LIMITED

Putting on hold for now – feel free to ping me with questions, and let me know when you're finished! —  Ghost River  21:24, 27 October 2021 (UTC)
 * Hi thanks for this review, I really appreciate it. I've made some changes, and marked where I have further questions. Thanks for your time! Xx78900 (talk) 09:55, 28 October 2021 (UTC)
 * Hi, apologies for the delay, I am in a depressive phase of my bipolar disorder and it is much easier to do the "less social" elements of Wikipedia (i.e. editing on my own) than to respond to queries. In any case, I have made a few adjustments of my own, mostly small aesthetic changes to the infobox and other template-specific issues, and this is generally ready to go. I do think that a Background section on Blair as a person is important, even if the actual attack is random, just to know more about the victim beyond the gruesome circumstances of his death. I know from the photo that he was part of a rugby club, for instance. Additionally, the one sentence at the bottom of "Threats to family" could use even a sentence more of detail -- it was used by whom to illustrate growing sectarian violence? —  Ghost River  16:50, 1 November 2021 (UTC)
 * No problem, I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling. Thanks for the adjustments! I've added some background info, do you think it's sufficient? thanks again.  Xx78900 (talk) 12:29, 3 November 2021 (UTC)
 * Thank you for making those edits! Looks ready to pass! —  Ghost River  17:54, 5 November 2021 (UTC)