Talk:Musashi Miyamoto (Vagabond)/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Nominator: 18:20, 3 June 2024 (UTC)

Reviewer: TechnoSquirrel69 (talk · contribs) 23:27, 16 June 2024 (UTC)

Comments coming in the next couple of days! — TechnoSquirrel69 ( sigh ) 23:27, 16 June 2024 (UTC)

I got through most of my prose review, but had to stop short as the number of issues started increasing. I have serious concerns with the sourcing, prose quality, and copyright hygiene in this article — please see the points below for further information. I will unfortunately be quick-failing the nominee as a result. Let me know if you have any questions. — TechnoSquirrel69 ( sigh ) 03:26, 18 June 2024 (UTC)

Lead

 * Italicize (doubly) "Vagabond" in the hatnote.
 * " " Don't use an in-universe timeframe.
 * "" could be said more clearly.
 * Link "".
 * " his " It's ambiguous whether this pronoun refers to the character or the writer; rephrase.
 * "does several activities" This reads https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HAThYGu__Y; it wouldn't hurt to elaborate on this statement a little bit.
 * "does several activities" This reads https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HAThYGu__Y; it wouldn't hurt to elaborate on this statement a little bit.

Role in Vagabond

 * For the record, I'm largely assuming good faith on the accuracy and verifiability of the parts of this section citing offline primary sources. Though I wish I did, I don't have the time to read a whole manga series for one review.
 * ""Invincible Under The Heavens" (天下無双)" The quotes, capitalization, and Japanese translations seem out of place here. I'm assuming this is a term used in the manga, but since the article never mentions it again, I'd recommend paraphrasing this and relegating the extra information to a footnote at most.
 * The use of diacritics on names like "" is inconsistent. I would prefer removing most of them, especially for things like "Kyōto" which are commonly used in English without diacritics.
 * "" Mention in the previous sentence that he was injured.
 * "This angers Musashi and leaves..." is ungrammatical.
 * "he is offered him the chance"?
 * Musashi wanders against and question..."?
 * "...dealing with a village with poor fields" needs to be rephrased. In what way are they dealing with it?
 * "After the manga went on hiatus" When?
 * " LAST " No all caps.
 * " LAST " No all caps.

Creation

 * Link "Edo period" and maybe even "" in the image caption, as media is exempt from MOS:REPEATLINK.
 * This first sentence is phrased rather awkwardly and I'm not sure what it's trying to say.
 * Add a couple of words to contextualize what Musashi is.
 * This is related to my other comment; it's unclear in several places whether the prose is referring to the historical figure or the character. Decide upon and stick to a consistent way to refer to each one.
 * "...the main character would die"? Unclear what this means and should be taken out of Wikipedia's voice. If this is a quote from Inoue, attribute it to him.
 * Several verbs should be in past tense instead of present, such as "Inoue wants to" and "Inoue tries to".
 * Italicize Japanese terms like "bushido" and "ronin", preferably using lang.
 * " he " Another ambiguous pronoun.
 * You could take a couple of words to contextualize what a ronin is.
 * "Other changes Inoue made... in the novel." This creates the implication that Inoue is adapting Musashi in some sense, which should be avoided. If this is actually the case, however, it's not at all evident in the preceding text.
 * "which took a lot of energy to properly make" Another comment not appropriate for Wikipedia's voice.

Reception

 * There's quite a bit of text identical to this source, which is a copyright issue. See https://copyvios.toolforge.org/?lang=en&project=wikipedia&oldid=1229630653&action=search&use_engine=1&use_links=1.

Images

 * File:MiyamotoMusashiVagabond.png is used appropriately and has a valid fair use rationale.
 * File:Miyamoto Musashi-Portrait-Edo-period.png is in the public domain and tagged appropriately on Commons.