Talk:Music in the movement against apartheid/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Freikorp (talk · contribs) 04:36, 30 October 2017 (UTC)

I've had my eye on this for a while; might take some time due to the length. Don't feel obligated but I have a GAN as well if you're interested. Freikorp (talk) 04:36, 30 October 2017 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the review, . As you may have noticed, I'm on break, so this might take me a few days: I hope that's okay. Cheers, Vanamonde (talk) 14:46, 2 November 2017 (UTC)
 * No worries, take your time. I didn't check your page before starting the nomination, so I'm happy for this to remain open. Freikorp (talk) 21:08, 2 November 2017 (UTC)


 * 1) Is it reasonably well written?
 * "system of racial segregation,[2][8] Black South" - Either need to remove the capital in black or change the comma to a period
 * Changed
 * "led partly by a campaign of the African National Congress to increase" - at this point the abbreviation ANC has already been introduced. I would expect to see it used here, or are you deliberately spelling it out as it's the first mention in anew section?
 * Deliberate: there's a lot of abbreviations, and I want to make sure the reader is not lost among them.
 * "As the government grew increasingly harsh in its response to growing protests, the resistance shifted from being completely non-violent towards armed resistance." - This sentence reads awkwardly; two uses of grew/grow but more importantly two uses of resistance. At least change the latter.
 * Done
 * "raise awareness of apartheid, gather support, thereby driving political change" - This doesn't seem right. How about "gathering support and driving political change"?
 * Rephrased
 * "consisted of a few South African performers" - Would it be easier just to say "several"?
 * Done
 * "and lasted until 1980" - I'm not liking this choice of words. How about "and disbanded in 1980", or something similar?
 * Done
 * "Major protests took place after the inauguration of a "Tri-cameral" parliament in 1984" - can you explain what this means?
 * Sure, added a parentheses. Basically a parliament which gave other POCs representation, but not black people.
 * "triggered a number of celebratory songs, as well as the "peace song", to which a number of artists contributed" - This is intriguing, can you expand on this "peace song"?
 * I've added a little detail; there isn't much on the content of the song, though
 * I'd introduce Trevor Huddleston briefly, maybe just say English Anglican bishop Trevor Huddleston ...
 * Done
 * "The Graceland Tour included Miriam Makeba, another musician known for her anti-apartheid music." - Makeba has been introduced by this stage, there's no need for anything after the comma.
 * Rephrased
 * "reaching #4 in Australia, #10 in Canada and #21 in" - see MOS:HASH
 * Fixed
 * "A song very popular with younger audiences ... as a b-side to their extremely popular" - I'd drop the terms 'very' and extremely' as POV. If necessary, say something about what the songs accomplished, such as chart position or platinum certification etc etc.
 * Removed and rephrased; I'll see if I can find info on the chart positions, though it might be too much detail for here.
 * "Music review website AllMusic describes the music" - Three uses of' music' within seven words reads poorly.
 * Switched one of them
 * "often were arrested" - This doesn't sound right, how about "were often arrested"?
 * "Lucey himself abandoned his musical career" - Is there any follow up on this; what became of Lucey?
 * Not much, I'm afraid. I'll keep looking, but the basic sources don't seem to have it.
 * "an individual could be jailed for five years for owning a copy of it" - this makes me very curious, were owning copies of other songs a jail-able offense or was this a unique case?
 * I'll look, but this is tricky, because there's no easy way to search for this. There's no other instance mentioned that I recall, but I also think it's very likely to have been a common situation.
 * "Michela Vershbow writes" - Who is Verhbow and why should I value his opinion? Perhaos mention what journal he is writing in at least. I.e 'Writing in the Inquiries Journal,, Michela Vershbow ...
 * Done
 * 1) Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
 * A. Has an appropriate reference section:
 * B. Citation to reliable sources where necessary:
 * Ref 37 is dead, though there's an archive version available here:
 * Fixed, thanks
 * C. No original research:
 * 1) Is it broad in its coverage?
 * A. Major aspects:
 * B. Focused:
 * 1) Is it neutral?
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) Is it stable?
 * No edit wars, etc:
 * 1) Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
 * A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:
 * B. Images are provided if possible and are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass or Fail: While I'm certainly not a subject matter expert, I see no major issues or gaps in this article. Earwig's copyvio finds one match at above 60%: - I'd try and trim that down a bit. Overall I'm very impressed with the amount of research that has clearly gone into this. Looking forward to passing once minor concerns are addressed. Freikorp (talk) 09:41, 30 October 2017 (UTC)
 * Thanks a lot for the review. It was indeed a lot of work! I think I've addressed all your points: take a look. With respect to Earwig's result: this is tricky, because most of the hits are names, or quotations. I've rephrased a couple of the other instances: the last couple I feel I should not change, as any other version is going to be a sentence that is harder to read. Regards, Vanamonde (talk) 15:34, 5 November 2017 (UTC)
 * Well done. Passing. If I were you I'd nominate this for FAC immediately. Let me know if you do and I'll happily support it. Freikorp (talk) 22:15, 5 November 2017 (UTC)
 * Many thanks, . I do hope to send it to FAC soon; but apart from the fact that I'm busy in RL, I have a solo nom pending at FAC at the moment, and also have a source I wish to go through again (Gwen Ansell's Soweto Blues) which I did use, but did not go into in great detail. Of course, the topic is a large one, and I don't think it is possible to cover every source, but this one seems a seminal work, and I'd like to go through it. Regards, Vanamonde (talk) 12:08, 6 November 2017 (UTC)