Talk:Music of Rocket League/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Anarchyte (talk · contribs) 07:02, 17 June 2018 (UTC)

I'll take a look at this article.  Anarchyte ( work  &#124;  talk )  07:02, 17 June 2018 (UTC)

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria


 * 1. Is it well written?
 * 1.1. The prose is clear and concise, and the spelling and grammar are correct:
 * 1.1.1 Lead
 * 1.1.1.1: "Having experimented with different genres for the game's menu music, Ault had filled the game's soundtrack with personal projects unrelated to the game that he had amassed over the years prior. The result was an EDM soundtrack inspired". Shorten this to Ault, having experimented with different genres, used personal projects unrelated to Rocket League as a base for the soundtrack. What followed was a tracklist inspired by... My proposal can be modified if you'd like but as it stands, it uses too many instances of "game" and "soundtrack". I also don't think "the result" is the right way to phrase the segue.
 * ✅ – I've mostly adopted your suggested rephrasing, with an amendment to include "What followed was an EDM sountrack inspired by...". I believe it's important to state that the soundtrack's genre was ultimately chosen to be EDM. – PhilipTerryGraham (talk &middot;&#32;articles &middot;&#32;reviews) 15:59, 17 June 2018 (UTC)
 * 1.1.1.2: Positive feedback from players about the soundtrack can be shorten to Positive feedback from players
 * ✅ – Sentence shortened as requested – PhilipTerryGraham (talk &middot;&#32;articles &middot;&#32;reviews) 16:01, 17 June 2018 (UTC)
 * 1.1.1.3: Swap between "the game" and "Rocket League" more often. independent artists to be included in the game's soundtrack to independent artists to be included in Rocket League's soundtrack.
 * ✅ – Swapped out "the game" for "Rocket League" in the sentence as requested. – PhilipTerryGraham (talk &middot;&#32;articles &middot;&#32;reviews) 16:06, 17 June 2018 (UTC)
 * 1.1.1.4: with five volumes of the music being released by the label by 2018. You say five here but in #Monstercat, only three have tracklistings added with "two more planned to be released". Perhaps it's best to write with three volumes released by the label, with more/two more planned.
 * ✅ – Funny enough this wasn't my fault, as I had the correct info. Somebody else changed it. I've replaced the factual error with your suggestion; opted for "and two more planned" as a conclusion. – PhilipTerryGraham (talk &middot;&#32;articles &middot;&#32;reviews) 16:12, 17 June 2018 (UTC)
 * 1.1.1.5: Music in-game is provided by "Rocket League Radio", a playlist system accessible in the game. Change to When in-game, the music is controlled using the playlist system "Rocket League Radio".
 * ✅ – Sentence reworded as suggested. – PhilipTerryGraham (talk &middot;&#32;articles &middot;&#32;reviews) 16:14, 17 June 2018 (UTC)
 * 1.1.1.6: The rest of this sentence can be paraphrased. Those quotes are unnecessary and can be written in your own words easily.
 * ✅ – I've mostly trimmed down the sentence entirely to simply say "Ault credits the soundtrack's success to the EDM genre's appeal to the game's player base.", which I believe conveys everything one needs to know about Ault's opinions about the soundtrack's success. – PhilipTerryGraham (talk &middot;&#32;articles &middot;&#32;reviews) 16:21, 17 June 2018 (UTC)
 * 1.1.2 Artists
 * 1.1.2.1 Mike Ault
 * 1.1.2.1.1: (optional) There are clipping issues with the tracklist template and the images whereby part of it is covered. This is not too much of an issue given the tracklisting itself is not covered but adding clear may be a good idea.
 * ✅ – This is mostly an issue that seems to affect only desktop users viewing the page in a full screen window on 1080p resolution. Since I don't know or haven't seen anybody use Wikipedia in this way, I'm content with resolving this issue with a clear solution, even if the resulting gaps in content may look jarring to those particular users. – PhilipTerryGraham (talk &middot;&#32;articles &middot;&#32;reviews) 16:42, 17 June 2018 (UTC)
 * 1.1.2.1.2: achieved a similar goal. Is the goal in this sentence making a soundtrack? If so, I'd perhaps change this to after having similar influence as a contractor for.
 * – I was actually trying to convey that Ault had also started and led an audio division at inXile Entertainment for Hunted: The Demon's Forge. I've changed the wording of the sentence a bit to make this more clear, from "... after having achieved a similar goal ..." to "... after having fulfilled a similar role ..." – PhilipTerryGraham (talk &middot;&#32;articles &middot;&#32;reviews) 13:16, 19 June 2018 (UTC)
 * 1.1.2.1.3: to Nintendo 64 games. Do we have any examples? Otherwise it might be best to exclude it so that the vast differences in genres is explored more easily with the comparison of jazz-like music and metal.
 * ❌ – Ault unfortunately did not specify any particular genres or games when he mentioned Nintendo 64 games as an inspiration for the early soundtrack. I'd contest, however, that the mention of the Nintendo 64 is notable, as it is a specific inspiration that is mentioned by Ault that I think readers should be allowed to know as a cited fact. – PhilipTerryGraham (talk &middot;&#32;articles &middot;&#32;reviews) 12:45, 19 June 2018 (UTC)
 * 1.1.2.1.4: I'd move this information to the opening sentence: Hollywood Principle, an EDM troupe started in 2013 by Ault with producer Elliott Sencan and vocalist Kayla Hope. (after "director Mike Ault and his band Hollywood Principle"). This way it introduces the band early on, not in the second to last paragraph of the section.
 * ✅ – Passage has been relocated as requested. The first sentence of the section now reads as follows, "The original soundtrack to Rocket League was composed and produced by Psyonix audio director Mike Ault and his band Hollywood Principle, an EDM troupe started in 2013 by Ault with producer Elliott Sencan and vocalist Kayla Hope." – PhilipTerryGraham (talk &middot;&#32;articles &middot;&#32;reviews) 12:49, 19 June 2018 (UTC)
 * 1.1.2.1.5: Having played the game, I know what wheel rims are, but this should mention they're in-game cosmetics. Perhaps decorated with the Invader, Lowrider, and Tempest wheel rims, in-game cosmetic items,
 * ✅ – Sentence has been clarified with an alternative rephrasing; the sentence now reads "... decorated with the in-game cosmetic Invader, Lowrider, and Tempest wheel rims was also released ..." – PhilipTerryGraham (talk &middot;&#32;articles &middot;&#32;reviews) 12:54, 19 June 2018 (UTC)
 * 1.1.2.2 Indie artists
 * 1.1.2.2.1: second volume of the official Rocket League soundtrack by Ault and Hollywood Principle. Shorten to: second volume of the official Rocket League soundtrack.
 * ✅ – Sentence shortened as requested. – PhilipTerryGraham (talk &middot;&#32;articles &middot;&#32;reviews) 12:56, 19 June 2018 (UTC)
 * 1.1.2.3 Monstercat
 * 1.1.2.3.1: (optional) There are clipping issues with the tracklist template and the images whereby part of it is covered. This is not too much of an issue given the tracklisting itself is not covered but adding clear may be a good idea.
 * ✅ – See point 1.1.2.1.1. – PhilipTerryGraham (talk &middot;&#32;articles &middot;&#32;reviews) 16:42, 17 June 2018 (UTC)
 * 1.1.2.3.2: Two more volumes are planned to be released by Monstercat later in 2018. Shorten to: Two more volumes are planned to be released later in 2018.
 * ✅ – Sentence shortened as requested. – PhilipTerryGraham (talk &middot;&#32;articles &middot;&#32;reviews) 12:58, 19 June 2018 (UTC)
 * 1.1.3 Usage
 * 1.1.3.1: the game's title screen and in the game's menus → the game's title screen and menus
 * ✅ – Sentence reworded as suggested. – PhilipTerryGraham (talk &middot;&#32;articles &middot;&#32;reviews) 08:36, 20 June 2018 (UTC)
 * 1.1.3.2: Remove the link to PlayStation 3 system software. There's no mention of playlists in that article.
 * ✅ – The wikilink to PlayStation 3 system software has been removed. – PhilipTerryGraham (talk &middot;&#32;articles &middot;&#32;reviews) 08:39, 20 June 2018 (UTC)
 * 1.1.3.3: No need to be so specific here: however, has led Psyonix to make players able to play music while in a game and/or training in their Tournaments update. Change to however, influenced Psyonix to later allow make players play music while in a game and/or training.
 * ✅ – The highlighted passage has been reworded as suggested. – PhilipTerryGraham (talk &middot;&#32;articles &middot;&#32;reviews) 08:42, 20 June 2018 (UTC)
 * 1.1.4 Reception
 * 1.1.4.1: I see no benefit from having the box quote. The prose does an adequate job of explaining Ault's opinions on the soundtrack's popularity.
 * ✅ – The quote box has been removed as requested. It was mostly put there because I felt that this part of the article needed something equivalent to an illustration of something, otherwise it would just be an unattractive block of text, where as the rest of the article is decked out in images, sound clips, and box designs. I will ponder finding some other reasonable way of decorating the section with something of encyclopedic value, while also avoiding decorating for decorating's sake. – PhilipTerryGraham (talk &middot;&#32;articles &middot;&#32;reviews) 08:47, 20 June 2018 (UTC)
 * 1.1.4.2: Ault credits the "accessible" soundtrack's "warm, welcoming" feel as possible factors in the soundtrack's success, and that it was a "happy coincidence" that they had "struck a tone with the fact that a lot of gamers were into electronic music." See 1.1.1.6. All quotes besides the final long one can be paraphrased.
 * ✅ – I've cut down the entire passage, including the final quote of the sentence, to make it resemble what was written in the lead, while also retaining the basic facts the original passage conveyed. It now simply reads, "Ault credits the soundtrack's accessibility and the appeal of the EDM genre to the game's player base as possible factors in the soundtrack's success." – PhilipTerryGraham (talk &middot;&#32;articles &middot;&#32;reviews) 08:54, 20 June 2018 (UTC)
 * 1.1.4.3: Overall, I think this section could benefit from the addition of more reviewer's opinions. As it stands, most of it is what Ault thinks of the reception but you don't give much to work from. Here are some reviews that mention the soundtrack: . A couple more sentences may be possible from these two sources.
 * ✅ – I'd like to thank you for providing those two citations; the main reason why this section lacked reviews was because I found it hard to find any. Virtually all reviews of Rocket League failed to mention the soundtrack, and before today, that Business Insider review was the only one I could find, so thanks again! The following passage has been added using the citations you provided: "The soundtrack also gained favorable notes from USgamer's Jaz Rignall and PlayStation Universe's Neil Bolt in their respective reviews for Rocket League, describing it as "danceable", "upbeat", and fitting well with the game." – PhilipTerryGraham (talk &middot;&#32;articles &middot;&#32;reviews) 09:16, 20 June 2018 (UTC)
 * 1.1.5 References
 * 1.1.5.1: All of the pages are archived but they need to have the deadurl parameter set to "no" if they're still alive.
 * ✅ – I've added  to as many instances of Cite web that I could find in the article. It was somewhat difficult, since I was mostly eyeballing it and making shoddy use of the serch function in my browser, so if you spot any I've missed, be sure to help me out with that! – PhilipTerryGraham (talk &middot;&#32;articles &middot;&#32;reviews) 09:28, 20 June 2018 (UTC)
 * 1.1.5.2: PlayStation Lifestyle (ref 61) is considered unreliable according to WP:VG/RS.
 * ✅ – Both instances of the citation have been removed. Since the two passages that it verified were also verified by other citations, nothing in prose needed to be changed. – PhilipTerryGraham (talk &middot;&#32;articles &middot;&#32;reviews) 09:33, 20 June 2018 (UTC)
 * 1.2. It complies with the manual of style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation:
 * 2. Is it verifiable with no original research?
 * 2.1. It contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline:
 * 2.2. All in-line citations are from reliable sources, including those for direct quotations, statistics, published opinion, counter-intuitive or controversial statements that are challenged or likely to be challenged, and contentious material relating to living persons&mdash;science-based articles should follow the scientific citation guidelines:
 * 2.3. It contains no original research:
 * 2.4. It contains no copyright violations nor plagiarism:
 * 2.5. It addresses the main aspects of the topic:
 * 2.6. It stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style):
 * 3. Is it neutral?
 * 3.1. It represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each:
 * 4. Is it stable?
 * 4.1. It does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute:
 * 5. Is it illustrated, if possible, by images?
 * 5.1. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:
 * 5.2. Images are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
 * 6. Overall:
 * Pass or Fail:
 * Fantastic work so far. I've added my final comments and placed this on hold. Cheers,  Anarchyte ( work  &#124;  talk )  06:59, 20 June 2018 (UTC)
 * Thanks for your thorough feedback! All your suggestions have been implemented except for point 1.1.2.1.3 and a partial implementation of point 1.1.2.1.2. Special brownie points for the two citations you provided to aiding to expand the "Reception" section as part of point 1.1.4.3. They were very useful and I can't thank you enough for it! :) – PhilipTerryGraham (talk &middot;&#32;articles &middot;&#32;reviews) 09:41, 20 June 2018 (UTC)
 * I like the state of the article now (I'll make a few minor changes myself) and I'd be willing to pass it, but I'd like to wait to when this gets closed, which shouldn't take too long given the unanimous support.  Anarchyte ( work  &#124;  talk )  23:50, 20 June 2018 (UTC)
 * I'm taking into account the recent FfD nominations, but as they don't change the prose and 5.1 and 5.2 are still met (if they are deleted), I'll still close this when the merge proposal is closed, independent of what the outcome of the files are. Apologies for not making note of the six non-free media in the article, the FfDs may have been avoidable that way. Cheers,  Anarchyte ( work  &#124;  talk )  02:30, 24 June 2018 (UTC)
 * Shall the GA review verdict be made official now? – PhilipTerryGraham (talk &middot;&#32;articles &middot;&#32;reviews) 01:24, 6 July 2018 (UTC)
 * I passed it on the the 29th of June. I left the passing note in the talk page summary. Cheers,  Anarchyte ( work  &#124;  talk )  07:02, 6 July 2018 (UTC)
 * So you won't mind changing the status of the review to passed? It's still on hold, as you can see above, under "Overall". – PhilipTerryGraham (talk &middot;&#32;articles &middot;&#32;reviews) 07:14, 6 July 2018 (UTC)
 * Done  Anarchyte  ( work  &#124;  talk )  07:59, 6 July 2018 (UTC)
 * 6. Overall:
 * Pass or Fail:
 * Fantastic work so far. I've added my final comments and placed this on hold. Cheers,  Anarchyte ( work  &#124;  talk )  06:59, 20 June 2018 (UTC)
 * Thanks for your thorough feedback! All your suggestions have been implemented except for point 1.1.2.1.3 and a partial implementation of point 1.1.2.1.2. Special brownie points for the two citations you provided to aiding to expand the "Reception" section as part of point 1.1.4.3. They were very useful and I can't thank you enough for it! :) – PhilipTerryGraham (talk &middot;&#32;articles &middot;&#32;reviews) 09:41, 20 June 2018 (UTC)
 * I like the state of the article now (I'll make a few minor changes myself) and I'd be willing to pass it, but I'd like to wait to when this gets closed, which shouldn't take too long given the unanimous support.  Anarchyte ( work  &#124;  talk )  23:50, 20 June 2018 (UTC)
 * I'm taking into account the recent FfD nominations, but as they don't change the prose and 5.1 and 5.2 are still met (if they are deleted), I'll still close this when the merge proposal is closed, independent of what the outcome of the files are. Apologies for not making note of the six non-free media in the article, the FfDs may have been avoidable that way. Cheers, <b style="font-family:Papyrus"> Anarchyte ( work  &#124;  talk ) </b> 02:30, 24 June 2018 (UTC)
 * Shall the GA review verdict be made official now? – PhilipTerryGraham (talk &middot;&#32;articles &middot;&#32;reviews) 01:24, 6 July 2018 (UTC)
 * I passed it on the the 29th of June. I left the passing note in the talk page summary. Cheers, <b style="font-family:Papyrus"> Anarchyte ( work  &#124;  talk ) </b> 07:02, 6 July 2018 (UTC)
 * So you won't mind changing the status of the review to passed? It's still on hold, as you can see above, under "Overall". – PhilipTerryGraham (talk &middot;&#32;articles &middot;&#32;reviews) 07:14, 6 July 2018 (UTC)
 * Done <b style="font-family:Papyrus"> Anarchyte  ( work  &#124;  talk ) </b> 07:59, 6 July 2018 (UTC)