Talk:Nader Guirat

Clean up
User:Mai Shabaka reverted my clean up of this page. Below I itemise some of the issues I corrected, with explanations. Could Mai Shabaka explain the problem with them?

-- Escape Orbit (Talk) 21:57, 24 August 2012 (UTC)
 * Guirat is refered to as "Nader" throughout. This is overly familiar, it is usual to refer to subjects by their more formal family name.
 * trophy is not spelt "trophie"
 * "first appeared on the public’s radar in 2008" - The lead should quickly get to what makes him notable, not that he is "on the public radar". Far better to get to the facts of what made him "appeared on the public’s radar"
 * "the hugely popular" - this is a non-neutral opinion that is not required.
 * "sang along side the likes of" and "among others" is repetition of the fact that it is not a complete list. Besides that, why do we need "among others"?  If the others are not notable then vaguely suggesting their existence doesn't actually tell the reader anything useful.
 * "a prominent business" - another opinion. Who decided he was "prominent"?
 * "Since childhood, Nader had been fascinated with music something which had always been significant in Guirat’s life." This is just pointless waffle.  He's a musician, of course it's been significant.
 * "To this day Nader still tends to lean towards the classics." Source for this?  His career looks very like the opposite.  And "this day" is a time relative expression.  What day?
 * "Guirat realized that acoustic and pop rock genres were more of his style when he first picked up a guitar at 14" - What, literally, at the very moment when he pick up a guitar for the very first time?  He'd never touched a guitar before?  He decided right there and then?   Would it not be more accurate, and less figurative, to say he decided this when he learnt guitar at 14?
 * "which is the duration of the airing of the show, at the show's grand finale"  - a very convoluted way of saying the very obvious; the show's grand finale is at the end of the duration of the show's airing.
 * "the much coveted title of the show." - another non-neutral opinion.
 * "and the win kicked it into high gear" - and another
 * "2009 was a turning point in Guirat’s career," - Can we not just say he released his first single? It's obvious this is a significant point without all the non-neutral hyperbole.
 * "Nader and Mohamed went on to promote their new single at various Tunisian radio stations were the song was first released to the public." - this is hardly notable. All musicians do this.  And it is unsourced.
 * "came up with" - clumsy non-encyclopaedic language.
 * "which has been finally released in July 2012" - "finally" is a needless POV adjective, suggesting someone's opinion that it has been a while coming.
 * "Nader and Dylan has been working on the music video production" - have been working. Again, not worth mentioning.  Who else would be working on it if not them?
 * All the external links - Please read Wikipedia policy. Wikipedia is not an internet links directory, and all these links (or the ones of any significance) can be found through his website.


 * As I've received no response on the above, I have reverted back to my copy edited version to resolve the problems identified. -- Escape Orbit (Talk) 17:25, 31 August 2012 (UTC)