Talk:Navina Evans

Prose
There are serious problems with the prose,.

We read for example that "she led on ensuring effective delivery in terms of quality, performance and effectiveness and had lead responsibility for partnerships and integrated care". (The quotation marks are mine.) This sounded vaguely impressive, but I didn't know what it actually meant. In the hope of finding out, I clicked on the link to the reference that came with this, and there read that "she led on ensuring effective delivery in terms of quality, performance and effectiveness and had lead responsibility for partnerships and integrated care". Problems:
 * Yes, they're exactly the same. More often than not, direct quotations are not desirable; but when they are used, they require quotation marks.
 * 1) The author is unspecified.
 * 2) This looks like the kind of prose that the NHS is -- very unfortunately, I happen to think -- compelled to churn out and that may satisfy certain politicians but that does no more than this. I mean, she was ultimately (?) responsible for the quality, performance, and effectiveness of what? Partnership with what or whom? Integration of what?

A Wikipedia article should not be intended to impress the reader. It should instead inform the reader. Using reliable, signed sources, please write a draft that cuts the BS and provides the facts. -- Hoary (talk) 00:30, 28 October 2023 (UTC)
 * In my view, this three sentence quotation, adds nothing of encyclopedic value. That's precisely the sort of statement that officials with access to competent damage control advice regularly issue. It all sounds very nice, but when you examine it more closely, there is no substantive content there at all. Cullen328 (talk) 03:28, 28 October 2023 (UTC)
 * Very true. -- Hoary (talk) 04:21, 28 October 2023 (UTC)