Talk:Nestory Irankunda/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Oltrepier (talk · contribs) 08:51, 21 August 2023 (UTC)

Hello! I just wanted into inform you that I'm going to take care of this review: I hope I'll come back to you with my considerations as soon as possible! Oltrepier (talk) 08:51, 21 August 2023 (UTC)


 * @Oltrepier Hello, will be looking forward with your considerations then. I don't mind if you take long as well but please take all the time you need. Very happy to be working with you. Cheers, JC Kotisow (talk) 09:07, 21 August 2023 (UTC)

Comments
I'm so sorry to write this, but I don't feel like this article is ready for GA status, so I'm going to quick-fail the nomination... You have the absolute right to know how and where to improve the page, though, so I'll leave you some notes.

Lack of neutrality and focus
For me, the biggest problem with this article is that it's not neutral and focused enough. Now, don't get me wrong, Irankunda is surely a promising talent, and what he's achieved so far is definitely notable enough to give him a Wikipedia article: however, it doesn't mean that all of the details about his life and career need to be addressed here... I'm specifically talking about things like the Bayern Munich transfer link, which could be reduced to just one or two generic phrases, or his goal record for the youth teams of Adelaide Croatia Raiders, which could be left out entirely.

Also, you should generally avoid using terms such as "world-class", "blessed with" and "exceptional", since they don't really satisfy the neutrality criteria. Oh, and for a similar reason, comparisons to Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi always need to be taken with a grain of salt, since people tend to toss them out there for way too many "wonderkids"...

Issues with writing
The article is well-structured, and the writing is alright, but you should pay more attention to punctuation (the statement "His goal made him [...] 15 years and 325 days" is an example), redundant terms ("Irankunda played youth football in Adelaide playing for Adelaide Croatia Raiders") and phrases that could be connected better, or even merged together ("Upon his return, Irankunda scored his first goal [...] scored the winning goal in the 82nd minute").

Issues with sourcing
The references you used generally look alright, apart from the #3 citation, which looks like a self-published blog and, as a result, isn't considered reliable enough. Also, I saw you relied heavily on KEEPUP to get sources, but his independence from the subject has been questioned, so I think you should try to build a wider range of reliable secondary sources to get information from, if possible (some of the ones you used already look good, but portals like ESPN or Goal.com should do the job, too).

Other notes and conclusion
On a side note, pictures are not a mandatory requirement for GA nominations, but it would be nice to add one in the future, if someone uploads it on Commons.

I hope my tips can help you improve your editing skills! I'd also suggest you to take a further look at the good article criteria, as well as the guide for basic copyediting, or even other footballer biographies that have already achieved GA status, just to get a better idea of what you need to do. Obviously, you can also leave me a message on my talk page, if needed! Oltrepier (talk) 21:08, 22 August 2023 (UTC)


 * @Oltrepier Thanks for reviewing my work and I can see what you are trying to say. I feel some suggestions you added are not needed to be removed. For some things that need to be removed I think the incidents where he received bookings and criticisms are to be removed, and some paragraphs just needs to be summarised better. Honestly, KEEPUP is the main source for the A-League Men since most Australian news don't focus on the A-League as I wish they did, but it is what it is. I also hoped you haven't failed me right away and given more of your insight of the article as that would've been more helpful.
 * On the take of comparisons between Messi and Ronaldo are quotes said from a spoken personal and not actual comparisons in terms of ability or potential overall. These are quoted from professional individuals about mainly his development. They are not saying he is the next "Messi" as most wonder kids are said to be, just how he develops and the quote on Ronaldo is just comparing his shot power towards him. I hope we can collaborate and discuss this further, JC Kotisow (talk) 02:44, 23 August 2023 (UTC)