Talk:Newark Liberty International Airport/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Mhawk10 (talk · contribs) 20:48, 8 June 2022 (UTC)

I will take a look over the next couple of days or so. — Ⓜ️hawk10 (talk) 20:48, 8 June 2022 (UTC)

Hey I hope everything is well, and I was just wondering if you forgot, or you are still reviewing it because it should be ideally finished in about seven days. No rush though I am just wondering. Jibreel23 (talk) 00:30, 16 June 2022 (UTC)
 * Thank you for the reminder. I'll put my notes here tonight. — Ⓜ️hawk10 (talk) 01:22, 16 June 2022 (UTC)
 * Sorry for the delay. Notes are below:

I tried to do most of your suggestions. I am still working on the airlines and accidents, but I am pretty sure I did most of the other stuff. Jibreel23 (talk) 16:30, 18 June 2022 (UTC)
 * Sorry for the brief delay in my response. On another read through, I think the short stubby section on "Airport Information" feels a bit off, as I think that the title of that section could also encompass the information in sections covering the airlines and the statistical information. It might be wise to make "Airport information the big level 1 heading, to open the section with the current airport information section, and to move down the heading level by one for the other two sections so as to align it under "Airport Information". I'm not sure I'm communicating this well, but I have a clear idea in my head for this, so please ask questions/clarifications if this makes little sense.
 * Also, If you wouldn't mind, could you respond line-by-line in the boxes below when you think you've achieved a task? This makes it easier for both of us to clearly track. — Ⓜ️hawk10 (talk) 06:14, 22 June 2022 (UTC)


 * @Mhawk10 I think I achieved this task Jibreel23 (talk) 00:44, 24 June 2022 (UTC)


 * @Mhawk10 I think I achieved this task Jibreel23 (talk) 00:45, 24 June 2022 (UTC)

Hey, sorry I tried replying to the comments you left in the boxes. I am pretty sure I fixed everything you suggested, and more. Jibreel23 (talk) 00:49, 24 June 2022 (UTC)

Continue?
Howdy, pard. I was asked by Mikehawk to take over this review while he went on wikibreak, so I wanted to notify you and ask if you would like me to take it over. I'm ready to go if you are. – ♠Vamí _IV†♠  07:52, 13 July 2022 (UTC)

That is fine. Jibreel23 (talk) 13:05, 13 July 2022 (UTC)
 * Alrighty then. I will formally begin reviewing when I wake up from my nap. – ♠Vamí _IV†♠  12:57, 15 July 2022 (UTC)

Review by Vami
Hello, and thank you for your contributions to Wikipedia. My name is Vami, and I will be your reviewer. During this review I may make small edits such as spelling corrections, but I will only suggest substantive content changes in comments here. For responding to my comments, please use ✅,, , ❌, , or , followed by any comment you'd like to make. As my comments are addressed or rebutted, I will cross them out, and only my comments. If I have demonstrated incompetence or caused offense, please let me know. –– ♠Vamí _IV†♠  12:57, 15 July 2022 (UTC)

I begin to have some prescient concerns about this nomination. First, according to the Who Wrote That? tool and Xtools], you account for just 21% of the article. I also found that text you wrote is not entirely supported by the sources cited; Citations [8] and [47] for example. I dislike failing GANs, especially with an active nominator, so at this point I will not; but I wish nonetheless to express my concern at the state of this article. – ♠Vamí _IV†♠  03:56, 16 July 2022 (UTC)

Lead

 * As a rule of thumb, leads should not exceed four paragraphs. There are presently five. I would rework the lead into having the first paragraph as it is now, then short history that includes that mention of the NRHP listing, and then two paragraphs about the airport and its environs as a mover of people and goods.✅

History

 * I found the start of this section, in media res as it were, highly confusing and I think it should be rewritten to be condensed generally and expanded on the matter of the airport's conception and construction (if sources allow this). Here are some pointers I would offer:
 * [...] a cost of $6 million. Readers would benefit from the use of Template:Inflation here.
 * The following year it was opened on October 1, 1928. "The following year" is redundant and could be cut with no loss in quality to the article.
 * Pilots called it the "Newark Cinder Patch" because of the hard-packed cinder runway. This may be an unnecessary detail, and too reliant on jargon.
 * In 1930, the nation's first air traffic controller tower [...] Shouldn't this be "control tower"?
 * There's a lot "the first" happening in #Initial development that could more effectively be delivered with a single sentence, a la "When it opened, Newark Airport became the first airport in the nation to have an air traffic control tower and weather station, runway lighting, [etc.]."
 * The first passenger terminal, Building 51, opened in 1935, and is dedicated by Amelia Earhart. This restates The Art Deco style Newark Metropolitan Airport Administration Building, adorned with murals by Arshile Gorky, was built in 1934 and dedicated by Amelia Earhart in 1935.
 * In 1930, the nation's first air traffic controller tower [...] Shouldn't this be "control tower"?
 * There's a lot "the first" happening in #Initial development that could more effectively be delivered with a single sentence, a la "When it opened, Newark Airport became the first airport in the nation to have an air traffic control tower and weather station, runway lighting, [etc.]."
 * The first passenger terminal, Building 51, opened in 1935, and is dedicated by Amelia Earhart. This restates The Art Deco style Newark Metropolitan Airport Administration Building, adorned with murals by Arshile Gorky, was built in 1934 and dedicated by Amelia Earhart in 1935.
 * The first passenger terminal, Building 51, opened in 1935, and is dedicated by Amelia Earhart. This restates The Art Deco style Newark Metropolitan Airport Administration Building, adorned with murals by Arshile Gorky, was built in 1934 and dedicated by Amelia Earhart in 1935.

I implemented the proposed changes, and a few others with the lead and initial development paragraphs. I might do some more edits, but let me know what else is there to change. Jibreel23 (talk) 17:06, 16 July 2022 (UTC)
 * It served as the terminal until the opening of the North Terminal in 1953. This sentence still lacks a citation.


 * Archie Armstrong was an engineer with he City of Newark, and an important part of the airport's construction in 1927 and during World War II. What exactly did Armstrong do?


 * The only part of the second paragraph supported by citation [8] is the above sentence.


 * I reiterate my suggestion that the first two paragraphs should be merged and condensed, and that the development and construction of the airport more thoroughly discussed. I imagine that your best sources for this will be old newspapers. Thus, I recommend using ProQuest via the Wikipedia Library, applying for Newspapers.com access through the same service, and looking through the Internet Archive's Books to Borrow site for more material.


 * On August 1928, a four-passenger Ryan monoplane from Washington D.C., made the first landing on a completed section of 1,600-foot-long runway, the first hard-surfaced strip of any commercial airport in the nation. This is not supported by the attached citation. This needs to be supported by a citation to a reliable source.


 * I notice that practically the only source used in the earlier portions of #History is the relevant Images of America entry. While this is reliable, it is also threadbare. You should look for additional sources, perhaps by collaborating with other editors (especially if they are also in New Jersey and/or the NYC metropolitan area).

I think I completed more of your suggestions. For Archie Armstrong I put as much as I could find which is not a lot. Let me know if there is any more, I need to do. Jibreel23 (talk) 13:06, 18 July 2022 (UTC)

Failing
With profuse apologies to the nominator, I must say that I do not believe that this article can pass GAN in its present condition; the prose needs reworking - expansion here, condensing there - and more sources need to be sought out and used. To this end, I have offered the nominator help in all this so that the article may hopefully soon again be presented to GAN for consideration for the green cross. – ♠Vamí _IV†♠  03:04, 19 July 2022 (UTC)