Talk:Newton Willard Utley/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: PCN02WPS (talk · contribs) 19:57, 15 March 2024 (UTC)

Happy to review this. PCN02WPS ( talk  &#124;  contribs ) 19:57, 15 March 2024 (UTC)


 * @PCN02WPS, I believe I've fixed your concerns. If there is anything else need attention, please tell me. 🐱FatCat96🐱   Chat with Cat  01:26, 18 March 2024 (UTC)

Lead and infobox
 * "Eddyville Cemetery" should both be capitalized if that's the name of the cemetery
 * spouse and marriage year should use Marriage
 * could use the status parameter to designate "Acting" rather than having it with the rest of the title, if you like
 * "acting lieutenant governor" should all be lowercase in lead
 * lots of "he served" in the start of the lead, gets a little repetitive
 * "president" should be lowercase
 * "Utley died in 1929" seems a little out of place since nothing other than missionary work and political posts are mentioned in the lead; plus, the exact date of his death is also given in the first sentence

Early life and education
 * "farmer's" should not be possessive
 * "schoolhouse, and later worked" - remove unneeded comma
 * "Nashville, Tennessee" should have a comma after it per MOS:GEOCOMMA

Career
 * "in Kobe, Japan" is redundant after starting the sentence with "While in Japan"
 * "He would continue to live in Japan, until, Utley's health began to fail, " - remove both commas around "until" and change "Utley's" to "his" since that's how you refer to him at the start of the sentence
 * "In 1893, he returned to Japan, traveling across Southern Japan" - repetitive
 * Could you find any specifics as to what happened that caused his health to fail?
 * "and he returned to Kentucky. After returning from Japan, Utley moved to Eddyville, Kentucky" - repetitive
 * "Law Practice" does not need caps
 * "which he served as vice-president of for several years" - don't think this is technically grammatically incorrect but it sounds awkward - is there a better way to word this?
 * If "Citizens Bank" was the name of the bank, it should be capitalized
 * Did he become a banker after returning to Kentucky? Was he interested or involved in this beforehand?

Political career
 * Link Democratic
 * remove comma after "November 1899"
 * remove comma after "Goebel"
 * I very may well have missed it, but where does "civil war" come up in FN 1?
 * since "one of the most influential members" is verbatim from the source (and since "he was said" can be a little dodgy sometimes), might be best to quote and attribute this
 * lowercase "Acting Lieutenant Governor"
 * was he ex officio acting lt. gov. by virtue of being pres pro tem? Is this a line of succession sort of issue?

Later life and death
 * "his health would continue to decline" - "his health continued to decline" (WP:WOULDCHUCK - not a rule but an essay I strongly agree with)
 * "Eddyville cemetery in Eddyville" - "cemetery" should have caps

Second read-through

Just a few more things I caught on my second pass: PCN02WPS ( talk  &#124;  contribs ) 15:06, 18 March 2024 (UTC)
 * "he was a missionary in Japan, and helped" → comma is unneeded here
 * "The Utley's were farmers" → "Utleys" doesn't need an apostrophe here since it's not possessive; could also go with "Utley family" if "Utleys" is too clunky for you
 * "He married Sarah S. Childers on July 9, 1890, the couple" → should have either a semicolon after "1890" or a full stop and a new sentence beginning with "The couple..."
 * "He would continue to live in Japan" → simplify to "He lived in Japan"
 * "appointed by his peers to president pro tempore" → missing word


 * @PCN02WPS, I believe I've addressed these. 🐱FatCat96🐱   Chat with Cat  20:31, 18 March 2024 (UTC)
 * Awesome - spot checks look good so I'm happy to give this a pass! PCN02WPS  ( talk  &#124;  contribs ) 20:43, 18 March 2024 (UTC)