Talk:Nick Koback/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer:  Two Hearted River  ( paddle  /  fish ) 13:02, 30 August 2011 (UTC)

Unorganized comments Let's deal with these, then I'll go over the article again to scrutinize against the GA criteria.  Two Hearted River  ( paddle /  fish ) 13:02, 30 August 2011 (UTC)
 * [Month] [Day], [Year], constructions always require a comma after the year
 * [City], [State], constructions always require a comma after the state
 * Tell me about inline reference 1
 * Inline reference 2 contains more of the story of Koback's signing, which would probably be good to include
 * "...and New York Giants who wanted to start in out in the minor leagues...." – Why would the Giants want to start out in the minor leagues? Weren't they already a major league team? ;)
 * "Kocack was signed under the Bonus Rule which at the time stated...." – 'which' either needs a comma before it or should be replaced with 'that'...probably the former
 * "In order to fit Koback of the roster...." – 'on'?
 * "The official sum of his contract was not initially disclosed.[12] However, his contract was later valued at US$20,000." – These sentences should probably precede the roster move sentence lest the reader think we're talking about Schultz's contract.
 * Consider whether every baseball term needs to be wikilinked. Shutout, for example, is used in many sports and most readers will not need the assistance of a wikilink.
 * If you think readers do need the wikilinks, then I would suggest using a less colloquial term than "farmed out", which is used twice.
 * The name dropping of the players for whom Koback pinch hit seems superfluous, as does the same of his managers. I don't believe this knowledge provides any insight, it just contributes to the high density of blue words on the page.
 * Other overlinking: homesickness, guest of honor, fire fighters
 * "neither [were] ready for full-time duty" – 'neither' is singular
 * "'which he stated "[the rule] we feel hampers....'" – doesn't flow. How about, "which he felt 'hampers....'"?
 * "...Koback made his final appearance of the season against the Brooklyn Dodgers...." – could be read to mean he made other appearances that season, just not against the Dodgers
 * "...which would later prove to be the last hit of Koback's MLB career." – 'which proved'
 * "Koback's final MLB appearance came on July 4, against the New York Giants." – Drop the comma
 * Later career (1955–1960) – (1955–60)
 * "The Chiefs, who represented Lincoln, Nebraska...." – Eh, they didn't represent the city. I suggest, in the previous sentence, either "Lincoln Chiefs (Lincoln, Nebraska)" or "Lincoln (Nebraska) Chiefs"
 * "Take-up" and "took-up" should not have hyphens
 * "That season would later prove to be his final in professional baseball." – 'That season proved...'
 * "After his baseball career was over, Koback took-up golf."
 * The sentences about golf read like a list and could benefit from some copy editing to improve flow.
 * Inline reference 6 is missing info
 * Inline reference 21 – is that supposed to be Wallingford, Connecticut?
 * I strongly suggest you register the URL in inline reference 71 with WebCite, then add |archiveurl and |archivedate parameters, lest you lose it later

I'll go through the changes tonight, though I disagree with the first two. Given how the first sentence is structured, adding in the commas would splice up the sentence big time, making it hard to read. I could add them in if it's that needed, but to me it's unnecessary. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 17:52, 30 August 2011 (UTC)
 * The commas are required to finish off appositive clauses. I can't find such rules in the MOS, but they exist in numerous style guides on university websites: Purdue, NC State, Chicago–Kent College of Law, Towson, MIT, Clemson. Also, our article Comma references the rule in The Chicago Manual of Style and the AP Stylebook.  Two Hearted River  ( paddle /  fish ) 18:35, 30 August 2011 (UTC)
 * Commas added. I'll gradually work on the rest, or at least try to, over the next week. If that goes by and no progress is being made you're free to fail it, as I'm just filling in for an inactive user on editing this. Wizardman  Operation Big Bear 03:15, 3 September 2011 (UTC)

I'm not going to get to this anytime soon, nor is the writer apparently, so I'll save you the trouble and fail this myself. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 16:24, 8 September 2011 (UTC)