Talk:Nier/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: J Milburn (talk) 13:58, 16 July 2011 (UTC)

Never played the game, and only vaguely aware of it. Some thoughts from the prose:
 * "Keiichi Okabe of Monaca" What is Monaca? A place? A company?
 * Company, done. -- Pres N  22:13, 18 July 2011 (UTC)


 * "or other video game genre" Singular or plural?
 * Plural, done. -- Pres N  22:13, 18 July 2011 (UTC)


 * "While traveling the player can come across monsters" Presumably the player doesn't choose to, which is what the current phrasing implies
 * Done. -- Pres N  22:13, 18 July 2011 (UTC)


 * What literary genre does this fall under? I was assuming we had a Japanese "dark" fantasy, but suddenly there's a mention of robots?
 * Hmm, it's kind of a post-apocalyptic dark fantasy- the setting is vaguely medieval, with spirits and monsters and swords and magic, but there's ruins of train tracks and modern buildings around and big robots in one area. -- Pres N  22:13, 18 July 2011 (UTC)


 * "Nier can attack these creatures with a one-handed sword, and later in the game a two-handed sword or a spear. These weapons can be customized to have greater damage and abilities using materials that can be purchased, dropped from monsters, or scavenged around the world, and multiple different varieties of each weapon type can be acquired." This could do with a slight prose massage
 * Done. -- Pres N  22:13, 18 July 2011 (UTC)


 * A stronger rationale is really needed for File:Nier Screenshot.jpg. What's it there to illustrate? Right now, it just seems to be decorating the plot section
 * Whoops, thought the template had filled in the other fields. Expanded them all. The image is only in plot because the infobox is too long for it to be in gameplay. -- Pres N  22:13, 18 July 2011 (UTC)


 * I think the plot section really needs to be cut down. I'd want to see something half the current length, really. I can't really offer advice as I have not played the game; I'll reserve comments on the prose for after you trim it, if that's possible.
 * Erg, I'll try. -- Pres N  22:13, 18 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Didn't get it in half, but cut 1/4-1/3. -- Pres N  22:31, 18 July 2011 (UTC)


 * "The game was first teased in the Official PlayStation 3 Magazine and Official Xbox 360 Magazine, before being officially unveiled in June 2009 at the Electronic Entertainment Expo 2009 for both the PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360." Ref?
 * Whoops, fixed. -- Pres N  22:13, 18 July 2011 (UTC)


 * "After it was decided to be released for the PlayStation 3 as well" Rephrase?
 * Done. -- Pres N  22:13, 18 July 2011 (UTC)


 * "Other than modifying a few lines of dialogue to fit with Nier being a brother rather than a father to Yonah, the developers made no changes between the two versions." And changing his physical appearance, presumably?
 * Done. -- Pres N  22:13, 18 July 2011 (UTC)


 * "were done during" Produced? Developed? "done" isn't the best word
 * Done. -- Pres N  22:13, 18 July 2011 (UTC)


 * "meant to "accentuate [the] gap between real, modern scenery and the fantasy world," as a" The comma is not in the original quote
 * There's a period there, though, which I thought meant that you had to include a comma if you continue it as a sentence? Works better without it though, dropped. -- Pres N  22:13, 18 July 2011 (UTC)


 * "composed entirely separate from" Separately?
 * Done. -- Pres N  22:13, 18 July 2011 (UTC)


 * "NieR Gestalt & Replicant Original Soundtrack" Italics?
 * Done. -- Pres N  22:13, 18 July 2011 (UTC)


 * "Nier Gestalt and Nier Replicant" Again?
 * Done. -- Pres N  22:13, 18 July 2011 (UTC)


 * Do we have no numbers for sales outside of Japan?
 * Nope. :( Famitsu publishes the top 30/week in Japan, but the American charting company NPD only does the top 10/month, which Nier didn't break into. It also didn't sell well enough to get a shout-out in the Square Enix quarterly/yearly reports. -- Pres N  22:13, 18 July 2011 (UTC)


 * "has "a supporting cast of genuinely interesting folks," and" Again, commas aren't in the original
 * Same as above; just checked the MOS and you're right, you just drop the period if it's not needed, rather than replacing it with a comma. My high-school English teachers have some explaining to do. Fixed. -- Pres N  22:13, 18 July 2011 (UTC)

I'll give the sources a look over at some point, but hopefully this'll give you a few things to be working on. J Milburn (talk) 14:26, 16 July 2011 (UTC)

Plot

 * "the player fends off attacks from ethereal monsters to protect a sick young girl, Yonah. After defeating the monsters, he" The player is not the same as the character
 * Fixed. -- Pres N  22:40, 20 July 2011 (UTC)


 * A source I was looking at mentioned that one character is a hermaphrodite- worth a mention?
 * "Kainé's past" What is her past?
 * (both of the above) I just cut down the plot! :( Added these in to the last plot paragraph. Let me know if I'm getting across what I mean to- Kaine could hear the shades in the first playthrough, and in runs 2 and higher the player can too, as they now "know" that Kaine can. It's odd- you still control Nier, but you can hear the shades, including the one in Kaine talking to her. I'm not sure how to put it without getting longwinded.

Complicated, but I think you cover it well. J Milburn (talk) 22:18, 20 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Thanks! I've been trying to get better at summarizing JRPG plots, I don't always succeed. -- Pres N  22:40, 20 July 2011 (UTC)

Closing thoughts
Ok- I'm happy at this stage that the article is suitably well written, sourced appropriately to reliable sources and so on. I'm not sure if you're interested in taking this to FAC, but it may have potential. There are four rather general things I would recommend:
 * A good copyedit will never hurt.
 * Some more attention to the plot section may be beneficial; it's a very fine balance between keeping it a summary, and including all the important details.
 * Make sure that what you've referenced to each source is included in the source- I did do a few more spotchecks, but, I admit, I haven't checked every one.
 * The obvious- another look through the sources to see if there's anything else worth including. As a for instance, one interview mentioned that there was some controversy related to Kainé's sex/gender. Worth including?

In any case, I feel that this is now worthy of being promoted to GA status. Well done! J Milburn (talk) 15:53, 21 July 2011 (UTC)