Talk:Nighat Arif/GA1

GA Review
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Nominator: 13:40, 18 May 2024 (UTC)

Reviewer: Chiswick Chap (talk · contribs) 20:57, 20 May 2024 (UTC)

An interesting short article about what is clearly a remarkable person.

Comments
I've fixed one or two very small items rather than spend ages explaining them here.


 * Lead


 * Maybe remove one of the "later"s from the lead, a bit repetitive.
 * Cut the first.


 * Split the sentence "She began making... in August 2023", probably into 3 sentences.
 * Split into three.


 * Media career


 * Remove the phrase "to talking openly", doesn't add anything.
 * Removed "talking openly about" as I felt that made better grammatical sense.


 * "disperse information quickly" is a bit odd, as "disperse" connotes "to scatter to the four winds" or "to reduce the impact of a mob by scattering it", when you mean the opposite. Maybe "spread..." would work better.
 * I meant "dispense".


 * Again, please split the rambling sentence In August 2023, the Times noted that she "often subtitles or narrates her posts about female health in Punjabi and Urdu", languages for which the only words for menopause translate to "barren" and "off the rag",[15] and later that month the i wrote that she had nearly half a million followers on the platform., probably into 3 sentences. A sentence should do exactly one job.
 * I've split it at "off the rag" as I think it makes sense to keep all the stuff the Times said together.


 * The Knowledge


 * Once more, please split the very long sentences: at the moment the whole section consists of just two. The first is 61 words, the second 105, with Flesch-Kincaid reading level as "College graduate".
 * Now four.


 * Personal life and views


 * Another long sentence to sort out in there.
 * Split.

Images

 * Portrait is not yet reviewed on Commons. It would be helpful if you could put a link to the place where AstraZeneca UK has put its CC-by-3.0 license statement here and on the image's Commons page to enable verification.
 * On Vimeo there is a "More" button, which appears to be CC-BY-SA (the person links to, although images is something I know next to nothing about). There seems to already be a link to that clip on Commons.-- Laun chba ller 00:21, 21 May 2024 (UTC)
 * Oh good, that's fine then.

Summary

 * This is almost ready for GA now, just a couple of small details left to sort out. There is no QPQ here at GAN but of course I'd be delighted if you could review one of my articles from the queue. Chiswick Chap (talk) 08:59, 21 May 2024 (UTC)


 * Super, great work. It's a GA. Chiswick Chap (talk) 10:10, 21 May 2024 (UTC)