Talk:Norodom Chakrapong/GA2

GA Review
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Reviewer: Calvin999 (talk · contribs) 20:33, 20 August 2015 (UTC)

Hi. I'm Calvin999 and I am reviewing this nomination. — Calvin999 20:33, 20 August 2015 (UTC)


 * He is the fourth son of Norodom Sihanouk → Mention that he is a former King/Head of State
 * Done Mr Tan (talk) 03:36, 24 August 2015 (UTC)


 * quit politics in 2007. After his departure from politics, → Repetition of 'politics'
 * ModifiedMr Tan (talk) 03:36, 24 August 2015 (UTC)


 * as a privy councilor to the Supreme Privy Council → Is there any need to include 'privy' before councillor, as it reads again a bit repetitive using privy twice close together.
 * There is something called a Privy council. If I remove the word "privy" and write "as a councilor to the Supreme Privy Council", a "councilor" would be very vague. !!!!


 * Isn't councillor spelled with two L's?
 * DoneMr Tan (talk)


 * I'm a bit confused by the lead. It sounds as though, during his time a politician, that he has supported both communist and royalist parties?
 * Any suggestion to improve? I can understand, because throughout his career he switched his political allegiance many times. Hence, it is to my understanding that Wikipedia provides for editors to create infoboxes, which I have used for this article to allay such concerns. Anyway for your understanding, Chakrapong's political career goes as follows:
 * 1981-1991: FUNCINPEC
 * 1991-1994: Cambodia's People's Party (former Communist) - he was automatically expelled from the party when he was sent into exile
 * 1999-2001: FUNCINPEC--but I don't see the point of including this in lead as he returned only as a "grassroots member", and there was very little or no notable event/achievement from Chakrapong during this second period he was in the party
 * 2002: Established the Khmer Soul Party, a splinter party from FUNCINPEC, dissolved 2004
 * 2004: Rejoined FUNCINPEC, but was expelled in 2006
 * 2006-2007: Norodom Ranariddh party


 * Chakrapong was born at the → Use his full name the first time.
 * DoneMr Tan (talk) 03:36, 24 August 2015 (UTC)


 * in Phnom Penh to → Add Cambodia
 * DoneMr Tan (talk) 03:36, 24 August 2015 (UTC)


 * for several state functions → at several state functions (you perform for people).
 * DoneMr Tan (talk) 03:36, 24 August 2015 (UTC)


 * high school.[3] After completing high school → Bit repetitive, perhaps 'after graduating'?
 * Suggestion accepted Mr Tan (talk) 03:36, 24 August 2015 (UTC)


 * at the top of his cadet class. → Remove cadet, there's too much repetition.
 * DoneMr Tan (talk) 03:36, 24 August 2015 (UTC)


 * sent to France → sent back to France
 * DoneMr Tan (talk) 03:36, 24 August 2015 (UTC)


 * Link Lon Nol
 * DoneMr Tan (talk) 03:36, 24 August 2015 (UTC)


 * You use 'appointed' so many times in the First stint in Funcinpec section
 * Amended Mr Tan (talk) 03:36, 24 August 2015 (UTC)


 * 'Stint' sounds too informal in the title of that section
 * Any suggestion? "Employment" wouldn't sound right .... Mr Tan (talk) 03:42, 24 August 2015 (UTC)
 * I've changed it for 'time'. — Calvin999  07:54, 24 August 2015 (UTC)


 * In October 1991, Chakrapong held secret talks with the Khmer Rouge commander, Ta Mok, to explore the possibility of joining the Khmer Rouge. Ta Mok rejected his request,[11] and Chakrapong approached Hun Sen on the possibility of joining the CPP. Hun Sen accepted Chakrapong, and the following month Chakrapong quit Funcinpec to join the CPP. He was given a seat in the party's politburo,[12] and in January 1992 Chakrapong was appointed Deputy Prime Minister in charge of civil aviation, tourism, industry, culture, education, and social welfare affairs.[10] Shortly after he was appointed to the post, Chakrapong was appointed director of Kampuchea Airlines.[13] He also encouraged foreign investment in Cambodia and provided support to investors that established financial institutions and enterprises in the country.[14] → I know it's his name, but you use Chakrapong so many times in this paragraph alone.
 * Reduced a little, but if I use too many pronouns at the wrong place, "he" can potentially be confused with other characters in the area, such as Ta Mok or Hun Sen...please feel free to make any additional amendments if you think its necessary for this. Mr Tan (talk) 03:42, 24 August 2015 (UTC)


 * long-tern refuge in France where he → Why do you link France here but not first mentioned in the first paragraph?
 * removed Mr Tan (talk) 03:36, 24 August 2015 (UTC)


 * married Duong Yany in Beijing, → You don't need to link Beijing again here, as you did in the first section.
 * Shifted hyperlink up Mr Tan (talk) 03:36, 24 August 2015 (UTC)

On hold for 7 days. — Calvin999 18:01, 21 August 2015 (UTC)
 * Outcome


 * PS - I have re-allocated Chakrapong's article to the "Politics and government" subsection. On afterthought, I feel it would be more appropriate to do so, since Chakrapong's "prince" title is purely hereditary, while his political career was the result of his own efforts and merit. To take note was that he had briefly served as a Deputy Prime Minister as well. I had placed in the royalty section with the hope of getting a reviewer's attention, since the Politics section had a longer queue list :) Mr Tan (talk) 03:51, 24 August 2015 (UTC)

Okay, yeah I saw that on the nominations page. I've changed 'stint' to 'run'. Well done, passing. — Calvin999 07:54, 24 August 2015 (UTC)