Talk:Oakland Buddha/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Vami IV (talk · contribs) 15:51, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

Opening statement
In reviews I conduct, I may make small copyedits. These will only be limited to spelling and punctuation (removal of double spaces and such). I will only make substantive edits that change the flow and structure of the prose if I previously suggested and it is necessary. For replying to Reviewer comment, please use ✅,, , ❌, , or , followed by any comment you'd like to make. I will be crossing out my comments as they are redressed, and only mine. A detailed, section-by-section review will follow. — ♠Vami _IV†♠  15:51, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

As this the first of the reviewee's articles that I have reviewed, they should note that I am a grammar pendant and will nitpick in the interest of prose quality. – ♠Vami _IV†♠  15:51, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

Prose

 * Lead: When was the statue installed?
 * Seraphimblade Talk to me 19:41, 16 April 2020 (UTC)


 * Though Stevenson is not Buddhist, he stated Shouldn't be present-tense. I suggest Though not a Buddhist, Stevenson [...]
 * ✅, yes, that's a better way to word it.
 * In 2010, Vietnamese residents from a local church "local Vietnamese residents" would be better, I think. "local church" doesn't make me think of a Buddhist affair.
 * ✅, on a closer reading of the reference, it does not assert that those who created the shrine were from that church.
 * had been painted white [...] The residents cleaned, painted, and decorated the statue, Repainted?
 * Buddhist goddess of compassion Guan Yin "goddess" is not an accurate descriptor of a Bodhisattva. I am aware the lead of Guan Yin's article calls her a goddess, but it also says that title was given to her by the Jesuits. There is also a "the" missing before "Buddhist".
 * ✅, while I'm not particularly uncomfortable with "goddess" given that the source and article both use that term, we can paraphrase, so changed to "icon".
 * ✅, while I'm not particularly uncomfortable with "goddess" given that the source and article both use that term, we can paraphrase, so changed to "icon".

Broadness
For a GAN, this article is rather short. That in itself is not a problem, however, there is important context missing, and a bold and implied claim. First the elephant in the room: Can you prove that the installation of the statue and its conversion into and use as a shrine is responsible for the drop in crime its area? Where is the statue located? Who's the guy who put it up? What happened in the 19 years between its installation in 1999 and its conversion to a shrine in 2010? The article needs expansion. – ♠Vami _IV†♠  15:51, 16 April 2020 (UTC)
 * location information. a search for any more studies on the crime statistics. Awaiting feedback on what further about the man who installed it would be desirable. Seraphimblade Talk to me 03:23, 17 April 2020 (UTC)
 * Introduce Stevenson in the article prose and his role, or "title". If you have any more information on his struggles with the city of Oakland, add it to "Statue installation", but if not, then that's okay. – ♠Vami _IV†♠  15:51, 17 April 2020 (UTC)
 * I was not able to find any definitive studies regarding the crime drop, so I text to make clear that the police did not definitively assert the shrine as the cause for it.  on finding some additional material about Stevenson. The theft attempt is really the only thing I can find information on between the 1999 installation and 2010 conversion to a shrine. Seraphimblade Talk to me 23:02, 17 April 2020 (UTC)
 * That would also be good to know a little more about - was the statue damaged? – ♠Vami _IV†♠  23:26, 17 April 2020 (UTC)
 * I believe I've found all that I can (which isn't a whole lot more, but I think I can supplement the things you brought up). that today. Seraphimblade Talk to me 21:12, 23 April 2020 (UTC)
 * additional details about the history of the statue before the shrine's construction. some additional detail about the removal attempt and complaints leading to it. ❌ on Stevenson's occupation (I presume that's what you meant by "title?"), as I could not find any RS which has that information. Seraphimblade Talk to me 22:19, 26 April 2020 (UTC)
 * Oh, regarding the theft attempt, I don't find any information that the statue was damaged. However, I also don't see any sources stating it wasn't damaged, so I don't think I'd be comfortable saying it wasn't just from that lack of information on it. Seraphimblade Talk to me 22:55, 26 April 2020 (UTC)
 * On that account, I'm willing to wave the damage to the statue in the prose. – ♠Vami _IV†♠  01:21, 27 April 2020 (UTC)
 * Thanks for that. I believe I've addressed anything else I can based upon what's available in RS, but would appreciate any additional feedback. Seraphimblade Talk to me 05:38, 30 April 2020 (UTC)

Discussion
, thank you for your advice and review. I have added the time frame to the article's lead. So far as the identity of the man who installed it, the article contains the following in the lead already: The statue was placed by neighborhood resident Dan Stevenson who was upset about the frequent use of the median for illegal dumping. What would you suggest adding? So far as proof of the link between the statue and reduced crime, I do not believe that could be proven dispositively, but the statement about crime dropping after its installation is sourced to the Oakland police. I am not certain I could do any better than that, but I will see if there were any actual studies done. I will get more specific location information as well. Seraphimblade Talk to me 19:37, 16 April 2020 (UTC)