Talk:Olivia. In the Lab. With the Revolver./GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Queenieacoustic (talk) 12:08, 23 June 2011 (UTC)

Plot

 * 1) "She goes to the bowling alley managed by Sam Weiss" Add a comma after "Weiss".

Production

 * 1) "Kruger was in a relationship with star Joshua Jackson at the time, and requested that her part be as a 'gooey monster', where her 'eyes are popped out' of her head. Kruger subsequently appeared as Miranda Green, the first victim of Metwally's character James Heath." These two sentences are a bit confusing. Did Kruger first star as a gooey monster, and then as Miranda Green?

Ratings

 * 1) You need to explain when the episode was first broadcast.

Reviews

 * 1) "The episode was viewed positively by CJ Stewart at The Celebrity Cafe, 'Overall," This sentence is a bit indigestible. You could end the first sentence with "The Celebrity Cafe", and start a new sentence with "He wrote" before "Overall".
 * 2) "Stay tuned…" This part is unnecessary.
 * 3) "A.V. Club" should be "The A.V. Club".
 * 4) "But is also wove in..." I assume it should be "it"? If the typo was in the review, you should add a [sic] after the typo.
 * 5) "Despite these small critiques" Add a comma after "critiques".
 * 6) "Several reviewers liked the episode title" Since only two reviewers did, "some" sounds more fitting than "several".

Lead

 * 1) "In terms of production" Add comma after "production".
 * 2) "First broadcasting" Wrong tense, should be "broadcast".

In conclusion
As always, the article looks great and was a pleasure to read. I will put it on hold for seven days so that you can fix the earlier stated problems. Queenieacoustic (talk) 12:08, 23 June 2011 (UTC)
 * All fixed/tweaked. Thanks again!  R uby2010   comment!  16:52, 23 June 2011 (UTC)
 * Passed. Queenieacoustic (talk) 16:59, 23 June 2011 (UTC)