Talk:OneShot/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: TrademarkedTarantula (talk · contribs) 00:56, 12 October 2023 (UTC)

This will be my first GA review, so I'm going to ask a Good Article mentor to help me. Apologies in advance if I do mess up anything. Tarantula TM (speak with me) (my legacy) 00:56, 12 October 2023 (UTC)
 * thank you for reviewing this article. Is it okay if I already respond to some points or should I wait for you to finish the review? Skyshifter   talk  17:11, 14 October 2023 (UTC)
 * Well, I'm going to celebrate my birthday, so I'll try to finish this up as fast as I can. Tarantula TM  (speak with me) (my legacy) 03:36, 15 October 2023 (UTC)
 * Happy birthday! Skyshifter   talk  04:13, 15 October 2023 (UTC)
 * TYSM! You can't really see me behind the screen, but I'm currently smiling. Tarantula TM  (speak with me) (my legacy) 04:38, 15 October 2023 (UTC)
 * @Skyshifter: I'm almost finished with the review, and I've made some considerable progress. Feel free to respond to some of the points I've made. Tarantula TM  (speak with me) (my legacy) 18:36, 15 October 2023 (UTC)
 * ✅ Tarantula TM  (speak with me) (my legacy) 04:20, 17 October 2023 (UTC)

Important issues / additional comments

 * Didn't Niko appear as an assist fighter in the crossover platform fighter Fraymakers? I'm not sure if there are any reliable sources mentioning this.
 * I haven't found any secondary sources for this, unfortunately. Skyshifter   talk  01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * The reception section contains too many direct quotes. Many of the material can be paraphrased. Also, the surnames give us enough information; you don't have to mention the news organization they're writing for.
 * Will do some paraphrasing. Regarding the surnames, I personally like to follow what another GA did, Viva Piñata: Trouble in Paradise. I think it's important to mention both. Skyshifter   talk  01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * A lot of the references have the "reference can only be previewed in source mode" error.
 * I believe this is because some sources are inside the reflist. I think it should be fine.  Skyshifter   talk  01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * One question: There's a source in Portuguese in the development section. Do you know the language? If not, how did you ask someone to translate for them? I want to add material to one of the articles I've written, but the review is in Italian.
 * Yes, I am Brazilian, so Portuguese is my native language. Skyshifter   talk  01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * What makes Heavy magazine reliable?
 * It should be fine for use as an interview, since I'm using just Nightmargin's own words (per WP:SELFSOURCE/WP:PRIMARY, I believe). Skyshifter   talk  01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * It's unclear whether the Destructoid article is staff written.
 * It seems that Brett Makedonski was part of the staff according to this. Skyshifter   talk  01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)

Lead section

 * Size is pretty good, but I think it needs a one-sentence summary of the game's development.
 * I'm bad at leads, but added something. Skyshifter   talk  01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * You should link indie studio to indie game, as the link provides more context.
 * Linked to "indie". Skyshifter   talk  01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * Based on a 2014 free version -> Based on a free version made in 2014 (personally, I feel as though this sounds better)
 * Changed. Skyshifter   talk  01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * Officially described as a game where "the world knows you exist" - Cite the quote (you can reuse the citation).
 * Added. Skyshifter   talk  01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * Many puzzles involve interacting with the operating system outside of the game application. -> Many puzzles involve interacting with the computer's operating system outside of the game. - Again, sounds better to me.
 * Changed. Skyshifter   talk  01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * The latter arrives in an unfamiliar world which has been deprived of its sunlight, and eventually aims to restore it by replacing its sun, a lightbulb, at the top of a tower. - Remove "which has been"
 * Changed. Skyshifter   talk  01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * OneShot received generally positive reviews from critics. - Might want to expand this a bit more. Try something like "Most of OneShot received praise, with some criticizing its soundtrack." I felt that your previous change deleted too much important material. Plus, the article is quite long.
 * Added a line. Skyshifter   talk  01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * Golden Joystick Award should be cited (again, reuse citation)
 * Added. Skyshifter   talk  01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)

Gameplay

 * ...referred to by the user account they are signed into. -> "referred to by the user account they have signed in with."
 * Changed. Skyshifter   talk  01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * ...Niko can rest using beds -> "Niko can sleep"
 * Changed. Skyshifter   talk  01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * The term windowed mode may be confusing to some readers.
 * Linked to Window (computing) and added a "instead of fullscreen".
 * The version for consoles, titled OneShot: World Machine Edition, uses a simulated operating system to allow players to interact with the game like they would with a computer. -> replace "to allow" with "that allows"
 * Changed. Skyshifter   talk  01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)

Plot

 * Nice job on keeping the main plot section short. You've managed to trim it down to 540 words.
 * Thanks :3 Skyshifter   talk  01:03, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * ...which addresses the player using the current login name, taken from the player's computer. - remove comma between "name" and "taken"
 * Changed Skyshifter   talk  15:38, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * ...the world that Niko currently resides in is near ruin - would "collapsing" work better than "near ruin"?
 * Changed Skyshifter   talk  15:38, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * They discover the world's sun - "They" is ambiguous (you have previously wrote that Niko has no specified gender).
 * Changed Skyshifter   talk  15:38, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * Speaking of specified gender, you should link the word "ambiguous" to third gender in the footnote.
 * I don't see how that's related. Unknown gender is different than third gender. Skyshifter   talk  15:38, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * ...to carry the sun through its three areas - I feel "its" is ambiguous.
 * I think it's fine. "[...] prophesied to save the world. Niko's goal is to carry the sun through its [the world's] three areas [...]" Skyshifter   talk  15:38, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * ...and place it at the apex of a central tower - shouldn't "at" be "on"?
 * Not sure, but changed. Skyshifter   talk  15:38, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * The next sentence is followed by Niko's current area. You don't really need the semicolon, so you could write "...restoring daylight. They are currently in the 'Barrens'".
 * Changed Skyshifter   talk  15:38, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * Link amber.
 * Changed Skyshifter   talk  15:38, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * Link lamplighter.
 * Changed Skyshifter   talk  15:38, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * "Arriving at a library, they are directed to the librarian George" - I feel "the librarian" is redundant here. The place already implies that George is a librarian, but it's up to you if you want to remove this.
 * Yeah, I think it's good to confirm that George is a librarian. Skyshifter   talk  15:38, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * After some study, George translates a book of Niko ' s - "After some study" -> "After examining" (sounds better)
 * IIRC, the game explicitly mentions study. Skyshifter   talk  15:38, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * "Niko has two such items on hand" - what two items? were these explained before?
 * The other two items are the piece of amber and the glowing feather, but they weren't mentioned as being phosphoric. Will mention them in the sentence. Skyshifter   talk  15:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * The player finds a mysterious note - remove "mysterious" and rephrase text around it to "The player finds a note as their new desktop wallpaper, telling them how to reconnect with Niko. By following the instructions, the player reappears."
 * Changed Skyshifter   talk  15:38, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * "termed" is a weird word to use, try replacing it with "named"
 * Changed Skyshifter   talk  15:38, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * I feel as though "destructive" implies "grown out of control" (remove the latter phrase)
 * Disagree, I don't think one automatically means the other. Skyshifter   talk  22:13, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * ...or place the sun at the top of the tower - Replace "at" with "on".
 * Changed Skyshifter   talk  22:13, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * If the player chooses to place the sun on the top of the tower... - You already mentioned the choice in the previous sentence, so you should remove "on the top of the tower".
 * Removed Skyshifter   talk  22:13, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * ...the world is depicted as now being much brighter as a number of characters look up at their new sun in the credits - I don't really see how the characters looking up at the sun is important here (you can remove this). Also, rephrase to "the world becomes brighter, and in the credits, the characters are in awe".
 * Changed Skyshifter   talk  22:13, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * If the player chooses to destroy the sun, Niko states that they hear their mother's voice from outside the game's window... - "from" is redundant
 * Changed Skyshifter   talk  22:13, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * The world is also depicted as having gone monochrome with purple outlines and black backgrounds. - Seeing as though this is uncited and a minor detail, you can remove this.
 * Removed Skyshifter   talk  22:13, 17 October 2023 (UTC)

"Solstice" path

 * After the completion of the game... - rephrase to "After completing the game"
 * Changed Skyshifter   talk  22:13, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * Initially, it is identical to the main game, aside from Niko possessing the Author's journal from the Barrens early. -> "The story is identical to the main game until Niko possesses the Author's journal from the Barrens."
 * Niko starts the game with the journal right away. Also, the story is identical for a while even with Niko already possessing the journal. I've changed "early" to "since the beginning" to emphasize this. Skyshifter   talk  22:13, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * ...they enter the internals of the World Machine, "taming" it and reversing its destructive behavior - Scarequoting "taming" feels wrong. Replace phrase with "they enter the World Machine's inner system, where they deactivate and reverse its destructive behavior."
 * Taming is a word specifically used by the game; it refers to a specific concept. Changed "the inner system" Skyshifter   talk  22:13, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * Niko places the sun at the Tower and restores the world, reverting the death of characters, and Niko returns home. - This sentence contains a few errors. One: The word "Tower" was not capitalized before. Two: "at" -> "on". Three: Wait, what? The characters died earlier in the story? (I didn't get enough sleep last night, so I may forget things here and there.) Four: "reverting the death of characters" -> "resurrecting several characters".
 * One: changed. Two: changed. Three: Yes, a few deaths happened, but they're too specific to mention (Silver's death mentioned in passing). I think the reversal of deaths is still relevant to cite though. Four: "resurrecting several characters" seems a bit strange to me, I changed to "resurrecting the characters that had died" (which I have no idea if it's good either...) Skyshifter   talk  22:13, 17 October 2023 (UTC)

Development and release

 * but did not receive any accolades. - Add "the game" or "it" between "but" and "did" since this is a compound sentence.
 * Changed Skyshifter   talk  22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * In addition to Valesquez and Gu, the 2016 version was also developed by Michael Shirt. -> "Developer Michael Shirt worked alongside Valesquez and Gu to produce the 2016 version of OneShot."
 * Changed Skyshifter   talk  22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * Link indie studio.
 * Linked to indie Skyshifter   talk  22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * Considering that you reference the credits section of OneShot for Mark Conforti, I don't really see how he's significant to the development section. You list him as a producer in the infobox, but you fail to list his contributions.
 * Yeah, I couldn't find anything about him (other than primary sources), he's just mentioned in the credits. However, since he indeed was the producer and is mentioned in the infobox, I think it deserves a mention in the text. Unless I also remove him from the infobox too... Skyshifter   talk  22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * ...all encompassing "dark but vibrant" theme to reflect... - Move current citation #17 to the direct quote.
 * Changed Skyshifter   talk  22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * It's good that you've added a link to Metal Gear Solid character Psycho Mantis, but they will not understand what that character has to do with breaking the fourth wall. I'd suggest adding a brief explanation, something like this: "...Psycho Mantis from Metal Gear Solid, a character known to have telepathic powers by reading the player's memory card."
 * Changed Skyshifter   talk  22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * ...cited Irisu Syndrome, Imscared and Eternal Darkness: Sanity's Requiem... - comma needed between "Imscared" and "Eternal Darkness: Sanity's Requiem"; you used the serial comma before, so you should stay consistent.
 * I think you did it for me (thanks) Skyshifter   talk  22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * Do the three games (Irisu Syndrome, Imscared, and Eternal Darkness) influence the indie contest version or the 2016 version? (I know it's the 2016 version, but I just want clarification)
 * I mean, the developers say "initial influences" (influências iniciais), so probably the 2014 version. But I don't think it's important to differentiate. The 2014 and 2016 versions have the same concept, and of course, the 2014 version influenced the 2016 version heavily. The only different thing would be the Undertale "anti-influence" cited later in the text. Skyshifter   talk  22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * around 2011 - If it's around 2011, it has to be in 2011 ("around" -> "in").
 * Not really; the source was published in January 2018 and the developers say that the idea originated "around seven years ago" (há mais ou menos 7 anos). It's not an exact date, just an approximation. Skyshifter   talk  22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * Cite the PC Gamer (current citation #1) along with the YouTube video that mentioned that OneShot is not at all influenced by Undertale.
 * The PC Gamer citation only confirms that "the first version of OneShot existed long before that quirky RPG took over the world", not the influence. Skyshifter   talk  22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * Specify "format": are you talking about the game's genre or how the story is presented?
 * The video mentions it's the story; clarified. Skyshifter   talk  22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * Not sure why you made Game Developers Conference into an acronym; you only used the name once.
 * Removed acronym Skyshifter   talk  22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * ...that solved some mysteries - "Some" is redundant
 * Removed Skyshifter   talk  22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * Current citation #19 cites back to the same YouTube video. Do the developers say anything at that timestamp to help verify that the Solstice path was based on old sequel ideas for the game?
 * I think the video does mention it somewhere but not at that timestamp. Will just remove. Skyshifter   talk  22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * Link Mac.
 * Changed (did macOS) Skyshifter   talk  22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * Link Linux.
 * Changed Skyshifter   talk  22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * Itch.io is capitalized.
 * Changed Skyshifter   talk  22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * Spell out "5th" -> "fifth".
 * Changed Skyshifter   talk  22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * I'd recommend reusing the sources for release dates in the infobox.
 * Not sure if it's necessary as it's cited in the text. Skyshifter   talk  22:42, 17 October 2023 (UTC)

Reception

 * I've spotted a lethal amount of direct quotes and the word "said". I'll try to help you paraphrase material so you can pass criterion 2D.
 * Thanks :3 Skyshifter   talk  22:58, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * You don't have to put the publication where they're from after the surname (e.g. Borja Ruete of MeriStation, then Ruete (MeriStation)). Surnames are enough.
 * Responded above (Regarding the surnames, I personally like to follow what another GA did, Viva Piñata: Trouble in Paradise. I think it's important to mention both.) Skyshifter   talk  22:58, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * Not sure why the last sentence of the first paragraph is necessary; it only praises the game's concept. I feel as though the first paragraph should only consist of Metacritic and OpenCritic scores.
 * Sure. I'll move "immersive in a totally unique way" to the gameplay paragraph, since that's related to the metafictional elements. Skyshifter   talk  22:58, 17 October 2023 (UTC)

Story

 * The story received praise -> "The story and characters were praised." - It's important to have the first sentence of each paragraph in the reception section to clearly state what part of the game was criticized or praised.
 * Changed Skyshifter   talk  22:58, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * Do you think you could find a link to the GamesMaster magazine?
 * No legal links, unfortunately. Skyshifter   talk  22:58, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * Who's Nafria? You define the publication they're from first, but you mention their full name in another paragraph.
 * Oops Skyshifter   talk  22:58, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * Same thing for Teikala. Also, define "alien feel".
 * Fixed + added quotes. Skyshifter   talk  22:58, 17 October 2023 (UTC)

Art direction

 * Rutledge (Hardcore Gamer) commended the art... -> "Rutledge commended the art, stating that OneShot's soundtrack and world design fit together."
 * That would be just a repetition of the soundtrack paragraph though (stated that the game's soundtrack perfectly matched its mood, with each area having an appropriate theme).
 * Remove comma between "that" and "although".
 * Fixed Skyshifter   talk  22:58, 17 October 2023 (UTC)

Gameplay

 * The gameplay was positively received. -> "The gameplay was positively received for its metafictional elements."
 * Fixed Skyshifter   talk  22:58, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * Remove Regarding its metafictional elements.
 * Fixed Skyshifter   talk  22:58, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * noted that should only be used for observations or facts noticed by critics. The term is being used to what a critic thinks.
 * Fixed Skyshifter   talk  22:58, 17 October 2023 (UTC)

Soundtrack

 * See direct quotes section. It is dangerously long.
 * Yep. Skyshifter   talk  22:58, 17 October 2023 (UTC)

World Machine edition

 * The term operating system is far away enough to be linked twice.
 * Added Skyshifter   talk  22:58, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * Regarding the Nintendo Switch World Machine edition, which added a simulated operating system , -> "with a simulated operating system"
 * Fixed Skyshifter   talk  22:58, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * Lowell Bell of Nintendo Life criticized controlling the cursor and the sizing of the in-game windows -> "criticized the cursor's controls and the in-game windows' size"
 * Fixed Skyshifter   talk  22:58, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * adding that it was hard to see the details of the pixelated world in windowed mode -> "adding that the pixelated details in windowed mode were hard to see"
 * Fixed Skyshifter   talk  22:58, 17 October 2023 (UTC)
 * Term undocked Switch may be confusing to some readers.
 * Rephrased to permit a link to Nintendo Switch. Skyshifter   talk  22:58, 17 October 2023 (UTC)

Direct quotes

 * Note: I will use boldface to indicate direct quotes in my changes.
 * I decided to add quotation marks to these. Skyshifter   talk  00:31, 18 October 2023 (UTC)
 * For the reception section, direct quotes should be used sparingly. Too many of them may be a copyright violation, and thus this article would fail criterion 2D.
 * Sure. Skyshifter   talk  00:31, 18 October 2023 (UTC)
 * ...and one of those that hooks the player instantly and traps from beginning to end. -> "for a game considered by him to be short but [captivating]."
 * I changed to "described the script as 'well-written' and 'captivating' for the game's short length." to make it clear that the script was what was described as captivating. Skyshifter   talk  00:31, 18 October 2023 (UTC)
 * ..."it's lovely growing closer to Niko as the game progresses." -> "said that it was lovely forming a friendship with Niko throughout the game".
 * Changed Skyshifter   talk  00:31, 18 October 2023 (UTC)
 * ..."nearly always contain[s] a moment that will make you smile" -> "was of a wholesome nature."
 * Changed Skyshifter   talk  00:31, 18 October 2023 (UTC)
 * Ruete (MeriStation) opined that, although the illustrations were not "spectacular", "the set of characters and settings look quite neat". -> Rephrase to "Ruete praised the character and setting design, but criticized that the graphics were repetitive as a result of the game being developed in RPG Maker."
 * Changed Skyshifter   talk  00:31, 18 October 2023 (UTC)
 * ...the art during the game is extremely humble. - Rephrase entire sentence to "Nafria wrote that the graphics were humble but kept players hooked."
 * Changed Skyshifter   talk  00:31, 18 October 2023 (UTC)
 * ..."It does stuff with my PC that I didn't know games could do." -> "Walker felt that his experience with OneShot 's fourth-wall breaking gameplay was unique."
 * Changed Skyshifter   talk  00:31, 18 October 2023 (UTC)
 * ..."the feeling of moving around the world is relatively boring and even unintuitive". -> "walking around the game's individual environments felt unintuitive."
 * Changed, also kept "boring". Skyshifter   talk  00:31, 18 October 2023 (UTC)
 * ..."it is not brilliant at all, ending up being a series of melodies and sounds typical of any generic role-playing game" -> "it is typical and not brilliant."
 * Used "generic" as I think that better conveys the meaning. Skyshifter   talk  00:31, 18 October 2023 (UTC)
 * "a bit on the limited side", "a handful of nice emotional tracks nudge the sound design firmly to a successful if not always pleasant level" -> "although it was limited, they felt as though the sound design paired well with the soundtrack."
 * Changed Skyshifter   talk  00:31, 18 October 2023 (UTC)
 * "loses a little bit in the transition", "but once you've been playing for a little while it's easy enough to lose yourself in the illusion of its recreation." -> "...lost some of its metafictional elements but in return kept parts of the gameplay found in the original PC version."
 * I don't know if I like that phrasing because that's not really mentioned clearly in the review. I did a different rephrasing and kept the "lose yourself" quote since I think it's too unique. Skyshifter   talk  00:31, 18 October 2023 (UTC)

All done! Skyshifter  talk  00:32, 18 October 2023 (UTC)


 * Awesome. I'll do one last copyedit to the article and update my GA criteria table. Tarantula TM  (speak with me) (my legacy) 02:55, 18 October 2023 (UTC)
 * Thank you! Skyshifter   talk  11:21, 18 October 2023 (UTC)