Talk:Oninaki/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Alexandra IDV (talk · contribs) 16:47, 24 June 2020 (UTC)

I'll review this. I'll return with comments soon, probably within the evening.--AlexandraIDV 16:47, 24 June 2020 (UTC)


 * Lead
 * The footnote should note that the alt title is in Japanese, because this isn't necessarily obvious for people who do not have any Japanese knowledge
 * Might be good to use a descriptive word instead of just namedropping the Beyond ("the living world and the afterlife" might be a good solution)
 * Oninaki is in a world - should be "is set in a world"
 * Link Chrono Trigger


 * Gameplay
 * Here, too, the Beyond should be defined.
 * Link boss to Boss (video games), we're writing for a general audience.
 * Unclear what "There are some zones that must be cleared and revealed in the real world," means specifically, and if "the real world" is the same as the Living World, you should be consistent in the terminology you use
 * Specifically, I wondered what it means to "reveal" a zone.
 * Link statistics to Statistic (role-playing games)


 * Synopsis
 * He works closely with his adopted father Kushi and his daughter Mayura - unclear if Mayura is Kushi's daughter or Kagachi's.
 * Kagachi meets a spirit girl he called Linne - "called" should probably be in present tense, but also: is that not her actual name, just something he refers to her as? If not, "meets the spirit girl Linne" works better. If it is, it should be clearer.
 * Kagachi finds the Night Devil, learning along the way that he is a fragment of his previous incarnation Soju, - there's a lot of "he" used in a row here, and it's unclear who is a fragment of whose past life.


 * Development
 * Main producer Ryutaro Sasaki, who previously had a supporting role in the company's earlier titles - "previously" is entirely superfluous, since the earlier games couldn't have been made after Oninaki.
 * In the event, the team had to "self-censor" the narrative so the age rating in Japan would not be too high. - this sentence is unclear to me. What does "in the event" mean here?
 * A linguistic feature was the combination of kanji, hiragana and katakana characters within terminology, with katakana sounds being equivalent to hiragana counterparts. This stemmed from an early concept for the Watchers, "Guardian of the Departed", which the team put together using the different scripts. This was met with a positive response, and as writing it entirely in kanji would be difficult and less interesting, the multi-script style was kept in the final product. - I realize that writing about language in a different language can be hard, but I do not at all understand what this means.
 * Its earliest concepts - the last thing discussed was Kagachi's name, so you can't use "its" to refer back to the game. Reintroduce it with "the game" or "Oninaki".
 * You need to explain what a "job" is in this context, because this would not be clear at all for someone unfamiliar with RPGs.
 * Are there any free-use images of the visual influences you can use? Including a picture of for example a Shinto shrine would help the reader's understanding of the topic a lot.


 * Release
 * As seasons differ depending on where on the planet you live, you should avoid phrasings like "a summer release".
 * Is it necessary to mention Steam? It is one storefront among others, and it's almost expected that PC games get sold on there. I would avoid it unless there's something special about it, noted by sources (eg an old game getting a digital re-release, or Shenmue III's PC version "controversially" launching only on EGS)
 * You should mention what age span a CERO B rating indicates
 * The use of the date format "August 22, 2019" made me assume this was written in US English, but I also see "localisation" spelled with an S; either is fine, but you should be consistent.
 * Does "Oninaki" carry any meaning, or is it just an abbreviated form of "Oni no Naku Kuni"?
 * A demo of the game, featuring the opening hour of its story and a mid-game dungeon area, was released in July. - please mention what year this was
 * While the demo was released too close to release - I know what you mean, but "released too close to release" reads weirdly. "Too close to the full game's release" might work better.
 * A soundtrack album was released on September 11 in Japan, published by Square Enix's music label. - again, please mention the year.


 * Reception
 * citing Oninaki as a sigh of - "sign of"


 * Things not strictly necessary to handle for GA purposes, but that I still want to point out
 * Single-sentence sections are best avoided, and I would try to incorporate the "accolades" section into the main reception section.
 * I would strongly suggest adding alt text to the images, to aid readers with impaired vision.

I think that's all. I will put this review on hold for seven days while awaiting improvements or responses - ping me when you have done so, or if you have any questions, and I will get back to you.--AlexandraIDV 03:08, 25 June 2020 (UTC)
 * Ok, I have completed all your changes and suggested changes. As to the shortened name of the game, it was shortened only because of the marketing department, and while Oni means something that may relate to the game, there is no discussion of such. So I thinks it’s ready for GA! Judgesurreal777 (talk) 16:29, 26 June 2020 (UTC)
 * Thank you! There's one point left above, but everything else looks fine - once you've clarified that point in the article, this should be ready.--AlexandraIDV 07:26, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
 * Ok I think I got the last one. Judgesurreal777 (talk) 14:06, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
 * Excellent, I will go ahead and promote this to GA now!--AlexandraIDV 15:16, 27 June 2020 (UTC)