Talk:Oppam/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Freikorp (talk · contribs) 00:29, 4 January 2018 (UTC)

, thanks for a thorough review. That was really helpful. Also thanking, and   for their contributions. I have tried my best, I hope I have addressed the issues. Please review the corrections. Let There Be Sunshine (talk) 19:31, 4 January 2018 (UTC)
 * 1) Is it reasonably well written?
 * Lead, Plot and Cast
 * "by the team 4 Musics" - would it be better to describe them as a 'band' or 'group'? I'm not sure if 'team' is the best choice of word here
 * They are not a band. Changed to 'group' by Ssven2. Let There Be Sunshine (talk) 19:31, 4 January 2018 (UTC)
 * "(whom she has never seen)" - I don't see why this is necessary to mention in the lead; I'd lose it
 * Dropped. Let There Be Sunshine (talk) 19:31, 4 January 2018 (UTC)
 * "Songs gave breakthrough for 4 Musics" - this is an awkward sentence
 * Removed it. Let There Be Sunshine (talk) 19:31, 4 January 2018 (UTC)
 * You use the work 'lift' in the lead and cast though 'elevator' in the plot; be consistent
 * Since only North Americans say "elevator" (as opposed to the majority of the world who say "lift"), I've gone with the latter. Kailash29792   (talk)  14:50, 4 January 2018 (UTC)
 * "Krishnamoorthy seems to have a young daughter" - Seems to? Why seems to?
 * "(whom she calls Ramachan)" - why is this relevant to mention?
 * "tricks the blind man" - It would be interesting to know how he tricks him
 * "who uses his wits and authority" - I'd lose this, I think it raises more questions than it answers
 * Plot was written by someone else. Clarified all. Let There Be Sunshine (talk) 19:31, 4 January 2018 (UTC)
 * Why does the cast section contain so many people? Have you read WP:FILMCAST?
 * Priyadarshan films are known for so many cast members. Removed some trivial roles. Let There Be Sunshine (talk) 19:31, 4 January 2018 (UTC)
 * Production
 * "he was in a traumatic state after separating from wife; he "couldn't think straight" and felt he had lost his "ability to make films" - can you clarify when he separated from his wife? I think this sentence would be improved if you lost at least the first quote, if not both. You could easily reword the quotes into prose.
 * Need little more help here. Both the quotes are too sensitive to paraphrase as it's his mental state as described by himself. If you can show me how to improve this, I would appreciate that. Let There Be Sunshine (talk) 19:31, 4 January 2018 (UTC)
 * Happy for it to remain as is in that case. Freikorp (talk) 10:46, 5 January 2018 (UTC)
 * Here separation does not meant legal separation (divorce), which was in 2016. His wife filed for divorce in 2014. But don't precisely know when did they separated, it could be before or after she filed divorce. Let There Be Sunshine (talk) 19:31, 4 January 2018 (UTC)
 * "In December, it was reported that filming would tentatively begin in February.[6] In December, the film's title was announced" - Since both these back to back sentences begin with 'In December' I'd consider merging them or at least rewording.
 * Changed. Let There Be Sunshine (talk) 19:31, 4 January 2018 (UTC)
 * "Vijay Menon dubbed Samuthirakani's voice" - have I missed something? Why did his voice need to be dubbed?
 * I assume it could be because he is Tamil-speaking. This film speaks Malayalam. I have mentioned that point. Let There Be Sunshine (talk) 19:31, 4 January 2018 (UTC)
 * "is exceptionally sharp" - I assume you mean intelligent, but 'sharp' could have other meanings; I'd use a different term.
 * Clarified. Let There Be Sunshine (talk) 19:31, 4 January 2018 (UTC)
 * "Vimala said that her role was Jayaraman's love interest, a character she had never played before" - are you trying to say Vimal had never played someone's love interest before? I'd reword to 'a role she had never played before' if that is the case
 * It was meant to be - She plays the love interest and her character is different from her former film role. Let There Be Sunshine (talk) 19:31, 4 January 2018 (UTC)
 * "Anusree did not request the role when she was called by Priyadarshan" - I don't see how this helps. I mean, it's thrown in there at the end without too much context. Why did he call her in the first place? Was is specifically about the film? How would she have known to request the role? Are you implying that she didn't want the role? I'd lose it to simplify things, or reword it significantly
 * She was excited to be part of a Priyadarshan film that she didn't asked him what is her role. Re-wrote it. Let There Be Sunshine (talk) 19:31, 4 January 2018 (UTC)
 * "as a character with villainous shades" - I'd reword this. It confused the hell out of me at first. I thought you were trying to say he had evil looking sunglasses (shades) :)
 * Changed. Let There Be Sunshine (talk) 19:31, 4 January 2018 (UTC)
 * "Malathy G. Menon played a grandmother in the film" - Since Malathy G. Menon doesn't have a wikipedia article there's no reason to mention this. Similarly you can get rid of Pradeep Chandran and Arun Benny in the next sentence
 * Removed. Let There Be Sunshine (talk) 19:31, 4 January 2018 (UTC)
 * "with a song scene" - I'd describe this differently; I can guess what you mean by 'song scene' but I'm sure there could be a better choice of words
 * Reworded. Let There Be Sunshine (talk) 19:31, 4 January 2018 (UTC)
 * "some of his popular films were" - I'd drop the word popular as POV
 * Dropping it would raise a question 'why he consider it lucky'. Reworded it to 'successful' and rewrote the sentence. Let There Be Sunshine (talk) 19:31, 4 January 2018 (UTC)
 * Music and Release
 * "who had only one film credit" - it would be interesting to know what that credit was
 * Mentioned. Let There Be Sunshine (talk) 19:31, 4 January 2018 (UTC)
 * "Oppam's theatrical release was announced along with its first poster released in March 2016" - I'd lose the second instance of 'released', and I'd wikilink 'poster' to Film poster
 * Done, not the second. Poster is a common word. Let There Be Sunshine (talk) 19:31, 4 January 2018 (UTC)
 * "The release was postponed until 21 September due to a censorship issue" - It would be interesting to know what this issue was
 * Unknown. Let There Be Sunshine (talk) 19:31, 4 January 2018 (UTC)
 * Reception, Awards and Remake
 * The reception section is a bit of a eyesore due to the fact every single time the term 'crore' is used it is followed by a figure in brackets. The opening line established ₹1.56 crore is ₹15.6 million. I'd say you don't have to keep clarifying every sum after that; it's easy enough to figure out on your own. Alternatively maybe you could just drop the term crore altogether and just specify what everything is in millions only. In any case, it's way to painful to use both every single time
 * "The film grossed ₹24.6 crore (₹246 million) in 16 days" - There's too many milestones like this. I'd say you only need to update the reader on the box office performance over days when a record was broken, so I'd lose the 16 day gross and also the 26 day gross
 * "Oppam is the second-highest-grossing" - should this be put in the past tense? As it 'Oppam was the second-highest ...'
 * I'd add what the film's final gross takings are equivalent to in a popular Western country so Western audiences can get an idea of how much money ₹65 crore is. Personally I wouldn't have a clue whether that's USD 1 million or USD 200 million
 * Done above all. Let There Be Sunshine (talk) 19:31, 4 January 2018 (UTC)
 * There's far too many quotes in the review by G. Ragesh of Malayala Manorama. Reword some into general prose.
 * Actually this problem seems to be in all the reviews; use less quotes
 * "effort that must have gone into itcinematography and film score" - this sentence needs fixing. In any case, the quote is too long.
 * Have tried my best. Let There Be Sunshine (talk) 19:31, 4 January 2018 (UTC)
 * 1) Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
 * A. Has an appropriate reference section:
 * B. Citation to reliable sources where necessary:
 * "the film was produced by Antony Perumbavoor through his company, Aashirvad Cinemas" - what's your source for this statement?
 * Source added. Let There Be Sunshine (talk) 19:31, 4 January 2018 (UTC)
 * "the songs were well-received and a breakthrough for 4 Musics" - this statement is going to need a high-quality source if you want to keep it
 * DC is a reputed newspaper, besides it's an interview. Let There Be Sunshine (talk) 19:31, 4 January 2018 (UTC)
 * C. No original research:
 * 1) Is it broad in its coverage?
 * A. Major aspects:
 * I'd say the article could benefit from some prose in the 'Awards' section giving some of those awards more context, and fleshing out information about them
 * I have added some about the major awards. Let There Be Sunshine (talk) 19:31, 4 January 2018 (UTC)
 * B. Focused:
 * 1) Is it neutral?
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) Is it stable?
 * No edit wars, etc:
 * 1) Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
 * A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:
 * B. Images are provided if possible and are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
 * I'd try and even those two images of filming locations up. As in the bottom one is much larger than the top, but it doesn't need to be. A good third of the image is clouds which doesn't add anything of value. Either select two images that are the same or very similar size or modify existing images to make them that way.
 * Does the uneven size matters ? I have tried to add images that match the theme of the film. Kochi is a coastal city, the photo shows apartment buildings as seen from the water, and Oppam story takes place in an apartment. Do you still insist ? Let There Be Sunshine (talk) 19:31, 4 January 2018 (UTC)
 * I think it would be better if they matched, but I'm not going to hold up the nomination over such a trivial matter. Freikorp (talk) 10:46, 5 January 2018 (UTC)
 * I will be replacing that if I spot a better image. Let There Be Sunshine (talk) 11:20, 5 January 2018 (UTC)
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass or Fail: You've clearly put a lot of effort into this; it's impressive. Placing on hold so issues can be addressed. Freikorp (talk) 12:48, 4 January 2018 (UTC)
 * Looks good. I'm happy with the changes. Passing now; well done. Freikorp (talk) 10:46, 5 January 2018 (UTC)
 * Thank you for your time . :) Let There Be Sunshine (talk) 11:20, 5 January 2018 (UTC)