Talk:Oxytocin (song)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 07:56, 2 September 2021 (UTC)

I will begin this review today --K. Peake 07:56, 2 September 2021 (UTC)
 * I just wanted to notify you, that I added some new text to the lead. Waiting for your further notes. ^-^ infsai (dyskusja) 21:49, 2 September 2021 (UTC)
 * So, I am done for today. I am going to try to adapt your suggestions to "Music and lyrics" section tomorrow and try to archive every source. And also I am waiting for the anwsers for my questions/notes I made bellow. It is the first time when I applied an article I expanded to GAN and the first time I am making a discussion on GA review page, I hope I am doing everything correctly. infsai (dyskusja) 23:52, 3 September 2021 (UTC)
 * I guess I made all the changes you listed here. infsai (dyskusja) 21:27, 4 September 2021 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

 * Shouldn't the release date on the album be included in the infobox?
 * From what I know, songs that are not singles or promo singles shouldn't have any release date displayed in their infoboxes.
 * It can be displayed when the song is only released on an album, but this is not a requirement. --K. Peake 08:52, 3 September 2021 (UTC)
 * Not done.


 * Remove the studio from here since that's not an official one
 * Should I move the information about it to recorded tab in the infobox or should I completely exclude it from the infobox?
 * Exclude from the infobox since it is not an official studio, but you can keep in prose. --K. Peake 08:52, 3 September 2021 (UTC)


 * Producer credits list him merely as Finneas so change for this parameter
 * Mention in the first sentence that it is from her second studio album, Happier Than Ever (2021).
 * Add a comma after Finneas and write "who provides backing vocals."
 * Remove the release sentence, as the exact position and date for an album release are not notable for the lead
 * The last track sentence should be the one after production/writing
 * "It is an electronica, electropop, and techno track, which has" → "An electronica, electropop, and techno track, the song has"
 * "concluded to the album, with Eilish writing it to" → "created for the album, being intended by Eilish to"
 * "mostly favorable reviews upon its release, with some music reviewers comparing" → "mostly favorable reviews from music critics, some of whom compared" with the pipe
 * "reaching the top 40" → "including reaching the top 40"
 * "and also appearing on" → "It also appeared on" as a new sentence
 * "the United States of America, Slovakia," → "the United States, Slovakia," per Wiki on writing out US
 * All done, besides noted done. infsai (dyskusja) 16:41, 2 September 2021 (UTC)
 * ✅ Done. infsai (dyskusja) 23:52, 3 September 2021 (UTC)

Writing and recording

 * "The color of whatever" → "The colour of whatever" on the quotebox, per the source
 * I know the source pronounced it this way, however I changed it since Billie Eilish is American, so I guees we should use American forms here.
 * Either paraphrase using [] or add [sic] afterwards to indicate the word not fitting grammatically. --K. Peake 08:52, 3 September 2021 (UTC)


 * "for "Oxytocin" were" → "for 'Oxytocin' were" per MOS:QWQ
 * "the track and provided a" → "the track and provided"
 * Pipe backing vocals to Backing vocalist
 * "last track from the track recorded for" → "last track created for" to avoid using recorded twice in this sentence
 * "on album's final" → "on the album's final"
 * "speaking about the creative process" → "spoke about the creative process"
 * Only the name of the track is sourced as part of the creative process, while the quote is mentioned as being sang over the beat
 * "she added that she" → "she mentioned how she"
 * "live", and that during recording of the track she..." → "live" and felt "crazy" during the track's recording."
 * You should also mention Eilish's comments about satisfaction and naming the song probably one of her favorites
 * "In the interview with" → "In an interview with"
 * "Eilish talking about inspiration for the track said that "there" → "Eilish talked about inspiration for the track, saying that "[t]here"
 * Mention Eilish's comment on thinking about sex whenever she performs the song
 * All done, besides noted done. infsai (dyskusja) 16:41, 2 September 2021 (UTC)
 * ✅ All done. infsai (dyskusja) 23:52, 3 September 2021 (UTC)

Composition

 * Retitle to Composition and lyrics
 * From what I know the term "Composition" describes every part that make a song (or anything artistic), so I guess adding "and lyrics" would be quite redundant. infsai (dyskusja) 19:14, 3 September 2021 (UTC)
 * Retitle to "Music and lyrics" instead then. --K. Peake 20:53, 3 September 2021 (UTC)


 * Pipe pulse to Pulse (music) on the audio sample text
 * Pipe synths to Synthesizer on the text
 * ""Oxytocin" is a" → "Musically, "Oxytocin" is a"
 * "song with elements" → "song, with elements"
 * The key and tempo info should be the next sentence, followed by the vocal range
 * Mention the bass per Young Hollywood, lo-fi beats per The Focus and groove per Los Angeles Times
 * The outro stuff should be after the above info and the stuff about Eilish's "whispers" alongside pulse and synth
 * Pipe pulse to Pulse (music)
 * Pipe synths to Synthesizer
 * The lyrics should be in a separate para from the actual comp info
 * "lyrics has been described" → "lyrics have been described by music critics" with the pipe
 * "and "her sexiest" → "and "[Eilish's] sexiest"
 * "In the first verse Eilish" → "In the first verse, Eilish"
 * "with the line" → "using the couplet"
 * "the singer is explores her" → "the singer delves into her"
 * Wikilink pre-chorus per MOS:LINK2SECT
 * The quote provided is not sourced as being delivered on the pre-chorus
 * "sees 19-year-old star shouting out" → "sees her shouting out"
 * You should only write "over the bass" since it will have been mentioned in the previous para once this is reorganised
 * "She finishes second verse" → "She finishes the second verse"
 * "of silence, Courteney Larrocca" → "of silence; Courteney Larrocca"
 * Pipe Insider to Insider (website)
 * Remove or replace Medium per WP:SELFPUB
 * "Musically, "Oxytocin" is set in" → "It is set in"
 * "vocals span from" → "vocals range from" with the pipe
 * I adapted some of your suggested changes; I'm gonna add the suggested informations later. infsai (dyskusja) 19:14, 3 September 2021 (UTC)
 * ✅ All done, I suppose. infsai (dyskusja) 21:27, 4 September 2021 (UTC)

Critical reception

 * "of the artists, that critics were comparing" → "of the artists that a few critics compared" on the img text
 * "as it was" → "as it is"
 * "was raised to" → "is raised to"
 * "that the production worked" → "that the production works"
 * "For NME, El Hunt" → "Writing for NME, El Hunt"
 * Write debut studio album instead and mention its title with the release year in brackets
 * Remove or replace Redbrick per WP:RSSM
 * "also called it a reminiscent of" → "also called "Oxytocin" reminiscent of"
 * "additionaly noting that it has" → "additionally noting that the song has a"
 * "Writing for The A.V. Club, Alex McLevy" → "For The A.V. Club, Alex McLevy"
 * Rolling Stone is correct, not Roling Stone
 * "called "Oxytocin"'s beat" → "called its beat"
 * "while writing for the same publication," → "while for the same publication,"
 * "Writing for Insider, Courteney Larocca called the track" → "Larocca called the track"
 * Mention the reviewer later in this sentence as being from Insider since you already introduced the above one
 * "production,[11] similarly Rebecca Breitfeller" → "production;[11] similarly, Rebecca Breitfeller"
 * "praised it for its" → "praised the track for the"
 * "production and how it" → "production, and how it"
 * "one of the most darkest lyrics" → "one of the darkest lyrics"
 * ABC News should not be italicised and put parts of the review into your own words per WP:QUOTEFARM
 * Tried.
 * Nice attempt; reworded parts of this. --K. Peake 19:54, 4 September 2021 (UTC)


 * "opinied that the track" → "opined that the track"
 * Mention the title NDA in the quote per the article's mention of previous single
 * It's a quote, so what can I do about it? infsai (dyskusja) 23:44, 3 September 2021 (UTC)
 * I checked the source and it directly mentions the title after "previous single". --K. Peake 19:54, 4 September 2021 (UTC)


 * Remove pipe on low-fi
 * "breathy vocals",[21] similarly Ellen Peirson-Hagger of" → "breathy vocals";[21] similarly, Ellen Peirson-Hagger of the"
 * "described it as" → "described the track as a"
 * "while Los Angeles Times Mikael Wood" → "while the Los Angeles Times Mikael Wood"
 * Remove or replace Medium per WP:SELFPUB
 * "as "banger" by" → "as a "banger" by"
 * Remove pipe on Insider and put parts of the review into your own words
 * Tried.
 * This looks fine. --K. Peake 19:54, 4 September 2021 (UTC)


 * "written that "[Eilish]" → "wrote that "[Eilish]"
 * "Writing for Atwood Magazine, Mariel Fechik described it as" → "For Atwood Magazine, Mariel Fechik described the song as a"
 * "and that it" → "and depicted that it"
 * "called it the" → "called the song the"
 * "which defined singer's" → "that defined Eilish's"
 * "Writing for MTV," → "Writing for MTV,"
 * "reminded her of" → "reminds her of"
 * "to other artists works." → "to other artists' works."
 * "Writing for The Line of Best Fit," → "For The Line of Best Fit,"
 * "agreed that the song was" → "saw that the song is"
 * "claimed that the production from Finneas was" → "asserted that the production from Finneas is"
 * "Insider's Callie Alhrgrim also likened" → "Alhrgrim also likened"
 * "but also to" → "as well as to"
 * "a "obvious hit", writing that" → "an "obvious hit", writing"
 * "Writing for Spin," → "For Spin,"
 * "through gripping synths"," → "through gripping synths";"
 * The reception is too extensive; get rid of all of the last para apart from the two negative reviews to show not all were positive, plus move these to the end of the third para
 * All done in the next edit I guess, besides the last one - I'm not sure of what do you mean here. I mean, yeah, this section is long, but the idea I had while constructing the last para was to show that the song was called as a highlight by some, but also that it gatherned some critizism, since I wanted to stay neutral by showing off that not every music critic was okay with the song. Also I'm not sure of the way I parafrized quotes you highlighted, I don't know if I did it correctily/good. infsai (dyskusja) 23:44, 3 September 2021 (UTC)
 * I understand how reception can be expanded to lack bias, but you can merge the negative reviews with the above para like I said since the rest of the last one does not provide too much notable reception. --K. Peake 19:54, 4 September 2021 (UTC)


 * ✅ All done. infsai (dyskusja) 21:27, 4 September 2021 (UTC)

Promotion and chart performance

 * Retitle to Promotion and commercial reception
 * "of Billie Eilish's sophomore" → "on Eilish's sophomore"
 * "With the album release, the lyric video" → "Simultaneously, the lyric video"
 * "Live performance of" → "A live performance of"
 * "three days ahead film's" → "three days ahead of the film's"
 * "It starts off with an" → "The performance starts off with an"
 * "gig took place on" → "gig took place at the"
 * "where the singer is surrounded by red lights, and she's accompanyied" → "During the performance, the singer was surrounded by red lights and accompanied"
 * Remove brother intro to Finneas and wikilink
 * "on keyboards and drummer." → "on keyboards and drums."
 * Finneas was not on the drums, but in none of articles I've found noone gave a name of the drummer. infsai (dyskusja) 22:51, 3 September 2021 (UTC)
 * Write "a drummer" instead, then. --K. Peake 19:54, 4 September 2021 (UTC)


 * "After screaming chorus line, the singer is" → "After screaming the chorus line, Eilish is"
 * Uproxx should not be italicised
 * Remove pipe on Billboard
 * Remove pipe on Spin
 * "at number 72 in" → "at number 72 on the US"
 * "and it hit" → "and it hit the"
 * "at the position 38" → "at the position of number 38"
 * Mention more chart positions in prose; try top 40 or top 50
 * All done in the next edit, besides the noted one + might add info about the UK peak, since I reckon I'd be able to find a source for it that would not lead to the chart itself. infsai (dyskusja) 22:51, 3 September 2021 (UTC)
 * Any notable chart positions should be written out as well as in the table. --K. Peake 19:54, 4 September 2021 (UTC)


 * ✅ All done. infsai (dyskusja) 21:27, 4 September 2021 (UTC)

Credits and personnel

 * Add "Credits adapted from Tidal" at the top then add the source displaying them
 * Not needed per WP:PERSONNEL. infsai (dyskusja) 22:40, 3 September 2021 (UTC)
 * Are you sure the album has actual liner notes? --K. Peake 19:54, 4 September 2021 (UTC)
 * Album's booklet states that all of the songs were written by Billie and Finneas, all of them were produced by Finneas etc. infsai (dyskusja) 20:36, 4 September 2021 (UTC)


 * Pipe vocals to Singing
 * Pipe songwriting to Songwriter
 * songwrting → songwriting
 * Pipe engineering to Audio engineer
 * Pipe synth bass to Keyboard bass
 * All done in the next edit, besides the noted one. infsai (dyskusja) 22:40, 3 September 2021 (UTC)
 * ✅ All done. infsai (dyskusja) 21:27, 4 September 2021 (UTC)

Charts

 * Good

Final comments and verdict

 * until everything is fixed; did not take as long as I expected!
 * I have responded to any comments where relevant; good luck in the remainder of your edits! --K. Peake 19:54, 4 September 2021 (UTC)
 * Everything written in the lead needs to be written in the body too, so at least mention that it charted in those countries even if you don't state the positions. Also, there is not supposed to be any refs in the lead and you should mention the performance. --K. Peake 13:58, 5 September 2021 (UTC)
 * Sorry that I'm responding now, but I did not have time previously. Regarding that ref in the lead, I know that usually there is no refs in the lead, however there is no section in the article where I can put the information that this song is a fan favorite. infsai (dyskusja) 20:55, 6 September 2021 (UTC)
 * ✅ now, did a bit of copy editing after a read-through! --K. Peake 08:57, 7 September 2021 (UTC)
 * Thank you! infsai (dyskusja) 13:25, 7 September 2021 (UTC)