Talk:P'Zone

''A very similar product, know as the Pizzone, was previously on the menu, but it was discontinued. On June 11th, 2007, Pizza Hut brought this product back with the new name P'Zone.'' This is wrong. When I lived in Austin back in 2003 to early 2005, there were buttloads of commercials for the P'Zone... in fact I used to make fun of the idiotic spelling (i.e., "pee zone"). This item spelled as P'Zone definitely existed before 2007. -Rolypolyman 22:54, 2 August 2007 (UTC)

So has anybody seen this page lately? P'Zone: A Secret History is seriously one of the most amazing Wikipedia items I've ever read, but I highly doubt that Napoleon and Hitler actually tried to use it to destroy society. The entire page is a fabrication! Hilarious reading, though. Whedonite (talk) 00:50, 22 February 2009 (UTC)


 * P'Zone: A Secret History


 * The first historical reference to the P'Zone dates back to the first of May, 1821, on the island of St. Helena, where Napoleon Bonaparte conceived the creation of a baked meat pastry in order to "fill the bodies of gluttons, so it remains for them impossible to retain any physical strength, thereby allowing others to take physical and governmental control." A shortage of marinara however derailed these plans for over a century.


 * The documented rantings of the exiled leader were kept in the French National Archives until the summer of 1942, when a German officer, Lt. Gregor Staufenberg, discovered the documents and brought them to the attention of Adolph Hitler. Hitler, a Napoleon scholar and admirer, believed that the "parazoni," as Napoleon called it, would be instrumental in achieving his diplomatic goals through quick and easy conquest, by paralyzing troop movement with the offers of free "parazonis". His plans for what he called "Der Volksfooden" however, would take a different turn come the winter of 1943.


 * After discovering that initial taste tests resulted in massive fatalities, Hitler decided that instead of temporary paralysis as the goal of the "parazonis", perhaps it could be used as a guise of death; if the pastry was so delicious that the patron had to eat the whole thing, Hitler suggested in his memoirs, then perhaps the instant death of this gluttony would provide better results.


 * Passing the order to Dr. Josef Mengele, the "parazoni" program took a darker turn. Mengele began to run tests of "parazonis" in Buchenwald and Auschwitz. Overall, the testing of the "parazonis" which ranged from 5 lbs. of meat, cheese and sauce to 25 lbs. of radishes in a pastry shell, accounted for an estimated death of at least 400 Russian soldiers.


 * As the tide of war shifted and the Allies descended upon Berlin, the "parazoni" again changed from weapon, to the Third Reich's last hope for victory. Mengle abandoned his weaponized P'zone experiments and instead shifted the project to as a cheap way to feed the child soldiers defending Hitler's Eagles Nest estate. The difference is that these new "parazonis" were reduced to about a pound, and consisted of the traditional meat, sauce, cheese and vegetables. Rumor has it that the meat in these modern "parazonis" were actually human flesh (not considered "Kosher").


 * After the war, the "parazoni" faded from existence, and remained a major joke in popular culture, including the Benny Hill sketch "Uber Fooden" that originally aired in 1954. It remained silent on the food production scene until 2001, when after excavating an old house to make way for a Pizza Hut in Des Moines, Iowa, that manuscripts of the modern day recipe were found hidden in an old veteran's travel case. The recipe was faxed to Pizza Hut's central office, where they decided to begin product testing.


 * Initial tests were sketchy, as many of the tests resulted in delicious tastes, but many diners were stricken with "The Itis," and instantly took a three hour nap after ingestion. Along with the Itis, other symptoms included headaches, diarrhea, vomiting, brain hemorrhaging, instances of comatose behavior, and bouts of retardation. Regardless, the Pizza Hut execs decided that this was an opportunity too good to pass up, so instantly put the item on the menu, changing the name "parazoni" to a more family fun (and less Nazi affiliated) "P'Zone".


 * P'Zone in Pop Culture


 * Immediately after the 9/11 attacks, it was rumored that the hijacker of United Flight 93 was stopped from flying into a government building when the passengers aboard the plane force-fed a Veggie Lover's P'Zone to the hijackers. Pizza Hut as neither confirmed or denied this rumor.


 * Charles Barkley is said to eat a P'Zone before every television appearance, in order to stay calm and collective, as opposed to his everyday batshit crazy self.


 * It is rumored that when Jennifer Lopez went in for breast augmentation in 2005, she declined the traditional saline implants, and received the experimental Pepperoni P'Zone Phunbag Package implants instead. This explains not only the full sloping figure to her breasts, but why on a hot day she smells vaguely like pizza.


 * In his desperate search for a cure, it is rumored that Patrick Swayze takes a hot P'Zone enema every morning to battle pancreatic cancer.


 * Peter Steele, lead singer of the band Type O Negative, has admitted to having a sexual tryst involving two groupies and a P'Zone. Details on the matter remain sketchy, however inquires put forth to Mr. Steele's victims have only resulted in a blank, vacant stare and the quiet confession that with the P'Zone, "every warm hole was penetrated." The act has since been referred to as the "Peruvian Turnpike" and "Hitler's Shame."


 * In Season 4, episode 10 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Willow eats a P'Zone.


 * 208.83.199.98 (talk) 02:46, 26 June 2019 (UTC)

P'Zones are terrible, and will kill society. TheRealRandalGraves (talk) 19:57, 22 February 2009 (UTC)