Talk:Paparazzi (Girls' Generation song)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Cartoon network freak (talk · contribs) 14:34, 15 May 2016 (UTC)

Hello, I'm Cartoon network freak and here's my review for this article:

Lead

 * "Paparazzi" is a Japanese song recorded by South Korean girl group Girls' Generation for their second Japanese studio album, Girls & Peace (2012). -> "Paparazzi" is a song recorded in Japanese language by South Korean girl group Girls' Generation for their sophomore studio album, Girls & Peace (2012).
 * ❌ — Changed the first clause, but is "sophomore" really makes the article better? I mean, this is only GA, so the term "second studio album" is acceptable


 * Unlink lead single


 * Miles Walker, "Paparazzi" was described as an electropop and R&B song. -> Miles Walker, the track was named an electropop and R&B recording.
 * ❌ — "described" is acceptable


 * and Hey! Hey! Hey! Music Champ. A music video for the song directed by Toshiyuki Suzuki premiered on June 10, 2012. -> and Hey! Hey! Hey! Music Champ, while a music video directed by Toshiyuki Suzuki premiered on June 10, 2012 in order to accompany the release of "Paparazzi".
 * previous Japanese single "Mr. Taxi" in 2011.-> previous Japanese-language single, "Mr. Taxi" (2011).


 * It was -> The track was
 * ✅ — But I still don't get why "It" is not suitable


 * The single was -> Furthermore, the single was
 * ❌ — The two sentences do not have any link with each other


 * Japan, peaking -> Japan, with it peaking
 * ❌ — could you explain more why "peaking" only is not suitable? I don't get it


 * two on the -> two on both the


 * It received certifications from the Recording Industry Association of Japan on two bases–physical sales (gold) and digital download (gold). -> "Paparazzi" was certified Gold in Japan for the sales of the single's digital and physical release, respectively.
 * ✅ — Simon (talk) 10:51, 16 May 2016 (UTC)

Recording and release

 * "Paparazzi" is a Japanese song described as a hybrid of electropop and R&B. -> "Paparazzi" is a song recorded in Japanese language, which was described as a hybrid of electropop and R&B.


 * Unlink "Japanese language"


 * Becker, and produced by American producer Miles Walker. -> Becker, while production was handled by American producer Miles Walker


 * The song was released -> The track was released (you've already used "song" before)


 * If you say "Japanese song", it sounds like the recording has an identity; change it to "Japanese language"


 * studio album Girls & Peace -> studio album, Girls & Peace (2012)


 * "Paparazzi" was also released in Hong Kong, Taiwan, and South Korea in mid-2012 -> The release of "Paparazzi" as well reached Hong Kong...

Promotion

 * the group dressed -> the group was dressed
 * ✅ Changed to "wore"


 * connect the two paragraphs


 * The music video -> An accompanying music video
 * ✅ Yet I still think "accompanying" is superfluous


 * performing the choreography -> performing a choreography


 * Girls' Generation. The show begins -> Girls' Generation, with the show beginning
 * ❌ I used semicolon instead


 * They dance in-> Subsequently, the band dance sporting
 * ❌ "Subsequently"? It doesn't fit here


 * outfits–the -> outfits – the


 * Remove "the" in both cases for the outfits


 * routines as -> routines for their

Reception

 * Unlink music critics here and in the lead; do the same with certified gold in the lead
 * ❌ I don't know why they should be unlinked


 * Hadfield writing for the Tokyo edition of Time Out compared -> Hadfield, writing for the Tokyo edition of Time Out, compared


 * previous Japanese single -> the same as above


 * single "Mr. Taxi" (2011) and -> single, "Mr. Taxi" (2011), and
 * ❌ I did change the sentence but not as above


 * the 2011 single -> the latter single


 * Connect all three paragraphs
 * ❌ Why? Three different ideas are presented and there is no connection between them


 * was a commercial -> remained a commercial
 * ❌ What's wrong with "was"?


 * Japan. It debuted -> Japan, debuting


 * Oricon Singles Chart on the chart issue dated -> Oricon Singles Chart issued for
 * ❌ The current wording is fine for me


 * physical copies of 2012 on the Oricon chart, selling selling 136,181 copies. -> physical release of 2012 on the Oricon chart, with it bringing total sales of 136,181 shipments


 * rose to the -> rose up to the


 * It ranked [...] on the year-end chart of 2012.-> "Paparazzi" ranked at [...] on that chart's year-end chart of 2012.; you've already used "it" before


 * It also charted -> The track as well charted


 * number five -> at number five
 * ❌ the preposition "at" was already included beforehand


 * on the -> remove "the"
 * ❌ similar to "the Billboard Hot 100", "the Billboard Japan Hot 100" etc.


 * and number two -> and at number two
 * ❌ As above


 * sold 103,000 -> sold a total of 103,000
 * ❌ Superfluous. — Simon (talk) 13:33, 17 May 2016 (UTC)

Credits and personnel

 * Credits adapted from "Paparazzi" CD liner notes -> Credits adapted from the CD issue's liner notes

Charts

 * U.S. -> US

Release history

 * Unlink digital download, CD & DVD; its overfous
 * The catalog number section is not really needed and remains, as well, overflous
 * ✅ — Simon (talk)


 * Outcome: On-hold for 7 days. Good luck! -Cartoon network freak (talk) 13:44, 16 May 2016 (UTC)
 * Thank you so much for the review. Though some points to me are quite superfluous, the review is very appreciated. Best regards, — Simon (talk) 13:36, 17 May 2016 (UTC)
 * Passing the article! Congratulations... Cartoon network freak (talk) 14:56, 17 May 2016 (UTC)