Talk:Paper Planes (M.I.A. song)/GA2

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Kyle Peake (talk · contribs) --Kyle Peake (talk) 10:22, 16 July 2019 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

 * Remove 7" as that was US only
 * It doesn't mean that it does not count as a release format


 * Only cite XL as the label, since it was only released through Interscope in the US
 * Ditto


 * Change target Mick Jones (The Clash) to Mick Jones (The Clash guitarist)
 * Done


 * "leading to its members" → "leading to the members"
 * ❌ 'the members' does not detail that they were members of the Clash


 * ""Paper Planes" has a less" → "The song has a less" as you already stated the title in this para
 * ❌ the sentence starts with "a downtempo hip hop song"; 'the song' would hinder the flow


 * "was distributed in February 2008" → "was released in February 2008"
 * "the video proved popular" → "the video became popular"
 * ❌ 'proved popular' and 'became popular' express different meanings


 * "which disappointed the artist" → "which disappointed the rapper"
 * "The single was M.I.A.'s biggest" → "It was M.I.A.'s biggest" as it is clearly you are referencing the song
 * ❌ as the previous sentence discusses the video, the new sentence uses a new subject, hence "the single"


 * "the top 20 on charts in several markets including Denmark and the UK" → "the top 20 of charts in several countries, including Denmark and the United Kingdom"
 * kinda trivial but done


 * WikiLink Hitlisten on Denmark and UK Singles Chart on the United Kingdom
 * "It peaked at number four" → "The song peaked at number four"
 * Why?


 * Don't need to change this anymore
 * "The track was" → "It was"
 * "The single's unexpected success"→ "The unexpected success of "Paper Planes""
 * ""Paper Planes" has received praise" → "The song has received praise"
 * I don't think the aforementioned concerns affect the flow; I'll address them unless they bear significant threats to the article's quality


 * Pitchfork should be itaclized
 * done


 * "and Rolling Stone each" → "and Rolling Stone, with each"
 * 'with' is redundant


 * You should only use one version of the song or other reference in the lead for consistency, that is how it is traditionally done in the leads of music articles.

Background and production

 * "speaking to Entertainment Weekly on her inspirations" → "speaking to Entertainment Weekly about her inspirations"
 * "English hip hop artist M.I.A. (Mathangi "Maya" Arulpragasam) released" → "M.I.A. released" as you already introduced who she is in the lead. Maybe put the brackets introduction there too?
 * "While she wanted" → "While M.I.A. wanted"
 * Remove WikiLink on Kala and album's release year
 * Why so?
 * It is commonly done to not WikiLink the artist or album in the body after they have been in the lead and don't use brackets for the album's year
 * Lead and body are treated respectively so yes we do have to wikilink everything again in the body. HĐ (talk) 04:31, 19 July 2019 (UTC)
 * Don't know where you're getting this from, if you look at articles that are good the album/artist aren't linked again the body ever and if they were, the reviewer will have said otherwise. This is only for different things that you should link again, not the main topic.
 * What I said is general MOS; how can one identify which should be the main topic(s) of the article to not be linked again? HĐ (talk) 07:49, 19 July 2019 (UTC)
 * Look, since the song is by the artist and from that album, they are linked twice already in the infobox and lead; this is enough and WikiLinking the artist and album in the body would be like writing out the song's title in bold in the body; it is never done because it shouldn't be. I may fail this already if you can't understand this.
 * Please cite a detailed MOS for this. I just follow what I've been doing for articles, and the album, by certain standards, can be treated as a separate topic from the song that has achieved enough success on its own. HĐ (talk) 15:59, 20 July 2019 (UTC)
 * Looked at MOS:OVERLINK but there's no mention of songs and articles being relinked, I'll give you this actually as I can't find anything against you.


 * "In this context," → "As a result of this,"
 * ", a Brooklyn neighbourhood with a high concentration of African Americans" very trivial, remove this as it fails the focus criteria
 * The following sentence gives a clue why that information is given
 * Fine


 * "She recalled that her time" → "M.I.A. recalled that her time"
 * "She added the sound effects" → "M.I.A. added the sound effects"
 * Why? Given that "M.I.A." has already appeared in previous sentences


 * Fine
 * "the gunshots embodied" → "that the gunshots embodied"
 * Done

Music and lyrics

 * "immigrants and features gunshots and" → "immigrants, and features gunshots and" since and is too close to the other and
 * WikiLink Hip hop music as hip hop will be removed from the first section as explained
 * "incorporating elements of" → "that incorporates elements of"
 * Change target Interpolation (music) to Interpolation (popular music)
 * "The Clash's 1982 song" → "The Clash's song" as you already introduced the year in the body
 * Target Common time to Time signature
 * ❌ per WP:NOTBROKE


 * "children singing and sound effects" → "children singing alongside sound effects"
 * ❌ 'alongside' would impose a different meaning
 * Add a comma after singing to separate the sound effects part, as they use a no comma and


 * "compared to that on" → "compared to the chorus on" as it is not clear if you are referencing the sound effects or chorus as of current
 * Second para looks good

Release

 * ""Paper Planes" is the eleventh track on Kala and was released in August 2007 by" → ""Paper Planes" was released as the eleventh track on M.I.A.'s second studio album Kala in August 2007 by"
 * Reworded


 * "in Europe, Oceania and Interscope" → "in Europe and Oceania, and through Interscope"

Critical reception

 * "The Stranger selected" → "Eric Grandy of The Stranger selected"
 * musicOMH should be italicized as the article is
 * "and The Observer named" → ""and Emma Warren of The Observer named""
 * "Stylus Magazine described" → "Ewen McGarvey of Stylus Magazine described"
 * "NME commented" → "Alex Miller of NME commented"
 * "Clash characterised" → "Colm Larkin of Clash characterised"
 * "For Pitchfork" → "For Mark Pytlik of Pitchfork"
 * "The Village Voice noted the song" → "Tom Breihan of The Village Voice noted that the song"
 * WikiLink The Village Voice
 * "DIY praised" → "Karim Maksoud of DIY praised"
 * "The Independent was" → "Andy Gill of The Independent was"
 * "The song placed at number six" → "The song ranked at number six"
 * 'placed' is better because the song's appearance is due to itself being voted and not by the critics


 * "topped the 2008 Pazz & Jop poll by" → "topped the 2008 Pazz & Jop poll published by"
 * "and Favourite International" → "and earned an award for Favourite International"
 * not done the original wording is succinct and readers can still understand what the text is trying to say
 * I chose not to include author names because articles cited are reviews for the publication, hence author names are of minimal importance. Plus throwing in a bunch of obscure names will corrupt the flow, so I only included names of well-known reviewers (that have wikilinks). HĐ (talk) 07:58, 19 July 2019 (UTC)
 * Doesn't matter if they are obscure, if the author is whom reviewed it then cite them as the reviewer from website. --Kyle Peake (talk) 18:07, 20 July 2019 (UTC)

Music video

 * Img needs alt text
 * "The video begins with" → "The visual begins with" as it is better than saying the video two sentences next to each other
 * "and dealing valuables" → "as well as dealing valuables"
 * "The video premiered on MTV's website" → "The music video premiered on MTV's website" as it's a new para
 * not done readers already know what 'video' the text is refering to
 * Oppose too many uses of "the video" becomes tedious


 * "and the gunshot sound effects" → "as well as the gunshot sound effects"
 * not done less is better, same meaning


 * "felt that MTV's removing the gunshot sounds" → "felt that MTV's removing of the gunshot sounds"
 * not done this is grammatically correct
 * How?
 * the verb remove is not followed by prepositions, am I correct..?
 * Yeah, actually.


 * "Its writer commented: "What" → "Its writer commented, "What" for consistency
 * "The Village Voice's Tom Breihan wrote" → "Breihan wrote" as you will have already introduced him when edited reception
 * "on its 19 August 2008 broadcast" → "for its 19 August 2008 broadcast"
 * "It also placed at number 56" → "It was also placed at number 56"

Live performances

 * Section belongs below Commercial performance
 * I arranged this article in an unconventional outline because the song was a sleeper hit. Promotion --> Chart success --> Controversies (following the unexpected success)
 * Alright


 * Img needs a full stop at the end of text
 * not done the caption is not a sentence


 * "of its extension the People vs. Money Tour, which visited" → "of its extension, the People vs. Money Tour, which visited"
 * "Journalist Jenny Eliscu dubbed" → "Rolling Stone Journalist Jenny Eliscu dubbed"
 * "to perform in October 2008, however, when she sang" → "to perform in October 2008, singing" as the however parts make no sense in the context
 * "saying it had: "About" → "saying it had, "About"
 * "as the Grammys has ever assembled."[94]" → "as the Grammys has ever assembled".[94]" for consistency with punctuation

Commercial performance

 * It received quadruple platinum" → "It received a quadruple platinum" as you are referencing a certification
 * "charted on the Bubbling Under Hot 100[B]" remove the note as this is common knowledge that can be found by clicking on the article
 * "becoming the artist's" → "becoming M.I.A.'s"
 * "and her only top five on the chart;." → "and her only track to reach the top five of the chart;" fullstop not needed as it is the same sentence
 * "it remained on the Hot 100" → "the song remained on the Hot 100" as you have used it twice this sentence
 * "888,000 digital units sold in August 2008" → "888,000 digital units had been sold by August 2008"
 * "was awarded triple platinum certification" → "was awarded a triple platinum certification"
 * "(RIAA) denoting sales" → "(RIAA), denoting sales" as the first part isn't an explanation
 * "had sold four million" → "has sold four million"
 * "best-charting single on that chart" → "highest-charting single on the chart;" more encyclopedic and there should be a connective before the weeks spent
 * "in the Czech Republic (number four)[113] and Israel (number five).[114]" → "in the Czech Republic and Israel at numbers"
 * "number 18 on both" → "number 18 in both territories" as you don't name the charts
 * "(RMNZ) for domestic sales" → "(RMNZ), signifying domestic sales"
 * "saying: "'Paper Planes" → "saying, "'Paper Planes"
 * "the biggest song."[124]" → "the biggest song".[124]"

Controversy

 * Section belongs between critical reception and music video
 * I explained the flow of the article above


 * "played on Sri Lankan radio" → "played on Sri Lankan radio stations"
 * not done 'radio' is enough


 * Remove WikiLink on genocide as it is a dictionary word known by many
 * "Journalist Touré writing for" → "Journalist Touré, writing for,"
 * "The Guardian observed" → "Randeep Ramesh of The Guardian observed"
 * "musicians "respect her creativity" but are" → "musicians "respect her creativity", but are"
 * Remove WikiLink to tiger, ditto
 * "wrote a February 2009 article" → "published an article in February 2009"
 * "The Village Voice called out" → "Zach Baron of The Village Voice called out"
 * "M.I.A. commenting on the situation in Sri Lanka to GQ in 2010 said: "Every" → "M.I.A. commented on the situation in Sri Lanka to GQ in 2010, saying, "Every"
 * not done commenting... said conveys the meaning better

Retrospective acclaim and commentary

 * "on its 2009 list of the 100 prominent cultural phenomena of the 2000s decade." → "on its list of the 100 prominent cultural phenomena of the 2000s decade, published in 2009."
 * "showings on decade-end lists by" → "showings on decade-end lists by;" as it is a list
 * not done the semi-colon makes no sense to me (?)


 * "Complex in 2012" → "Complex, in 2012,"
 * "its 2011 updated list of" → "its 2011 updated list of the"
 * "commenting that it" → "commenting in reference to M.I.A. that it" as you haven't referenced her name for a while
 * "The Hartford Courant" → "Eric R. of the Hartford Courant"
 * "that the artist's" → "that the rapper's"
 * Remove WikiLink on feminism per ditto
 * not done like liberalism a well-known concept should also be linked if it is highly controversial

Covers and other usage

 * Retitle to Cover versions and other usage
 * "at their live performances" → "at their live concert" as it was only one performance, says the source
 * "complimented the four rappers' delivery" → "complimented delivery of the four rappers"
 * "remixes for the song" → "remixes of the song"

Track listings and formats

 * Good

Personnel

 * Good

Weekly charts

 * Remove Israel as it is dead and no archive exists

Year-end charts

 * Good

Certifications

 * Good

Release history

 * Change United States to last for rows 2, 3 and 4 in one go as it is the same country so the separation makes no sense
 * "Rhythmic crossover" → "Rhythmic crossover radio"

Final comments and verdict
Putting this until the issues are fixed. --Kyle Peake (talk) 06:15, 19 July 2019 (UTC)
 * Apart from resolved issues I have replied to your concern with not done marks. Thanks so much for reviewing the article, HĐ (talk) 16:23, 20 July 2019 (UTC)

Really can't wait to pass this as I love the song, but just needs a few more fixes first. --Kyle Peake (talk) 18:08, 20 July 2019 (UTC)
 * All set, I think ;) HĐ (talk) 07:52, 21 July 2019 (UTC)

✅ now, great job! --Kyle Peake (talk) 10:00, 21 July 2019 (UTC)