Talk:Parental Advisory/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Prism (talk · contribs) 17:01, 5 July 2014 (UTC)

Prose

 * Lead
 * "launched by the British Phonographic Industry (BPI) in 2011" This makes it seem like the label was introduced in 1985 but only started being printed in 2011.


 * "although has been" → "although it has been"


 * "The label was first affixed on physical compact discs and cassette tapes, although has been included on digital listings offered by online music stores to accommodate the growing popularity of the latter platform." All and all this offers weak contrast. The "although" formatting isn't the most correct here, so maybe changing it to "and" would be the best option.


 * "Recordings with the Parental Advisory label are generally released in censored versions that reduces or completely eliminates the questionable material." This makes it seem like all albums with the Parental Advisory are only released in censored editions. Regardless of how you're going to reword the sentence, "completely" is redundant.


 * "Several physical retailers" Why physical, if the label is also affixed in digital releases?


 * Remove "often" from "has often been".


 * Background
 * "perceived inappropriate content" Could you substitute "perceived" and "inappropriate" with respective synonyms? It's a bit repetitive considering that the last sentence of the lead already has those words.


 * "its masturbation references" → its references to masturbation


 * "common standard" If it's a standard, then it is common...


 * "it was slightly reworded" Remove "slightly"


 * "fundamentally unchanged" Is "fundamentally" necessary? I mean, was it altered during those years or not?


 * Application
 * "simultaneously distribute" Remove "simultaneously"


 * You only give one example of each case when you say "the latter may occasionally be more expensive than that its unedited counterpart, while some circumstances will see both versions equally priced". I think you're giving undue weight to this, especially if this isn't addressed by any source other than the links you provided from the store. If you can't find another source, remove it. (This also applies to the following sentence)
 * ✅, removed because no citation explicitly discusses pricing.


 * "additionally noted" Remove "additionally"


 * "while the mother of a stricter companion did not allow her child to listen to the record" Is this his opinion or did this apply to, say, a friend of his? If it's the last case, maybe you should clarify the sentence.

I'm impressed! This is an excellent article, which, I presume was in awful condition before you expanded it. I can see this getting an FA in the future; just one mild concern – I think this could be expanded even further, because there are books which discuss the PA label (here). pedro &#124; talk 17:01, 5 July 2014 (UTC)


 * Thanks so much for your review! I've made all of the corrections you have outlined above, and will sort through some Google Books results when I have some time to really get into them and determine what is worth including in the article. WikiRedactor (talk) 18:34, 5 July 2014 (UTC)