Talk:Patricia Mancilla/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: SpaceEconomist192 (talk · contribs) 09:35, 17 August 2023 (UTC)

Discussion
Hello, long time no see! Just to let you know that the review is done and the article is on hold. SpaceEconomist192 ✐  10:55, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
 * Because there was only one followed up suggestion, I went ahead and did it myself to save us both time. I'm passing the article. SpaceEconomist192  ✐  07:41, 20 August 2023 (UTC)

Lead section

 * Add wikilink to «trade unionist» in ...Bolivian politician and trade unionist...
 * ✅ Krisgabwoosh (talk) 00:45, 20 August 2023 (UTC)


 * «La Paz» → La Paz Department. La Paz might confuse the readers into thinking that it refers to the city instead of the department.
 * Is it fine if I go the other way around and specify when it's the city that's being referred to? I'm trying to keep a level of consistency between all articles on parliamentarians. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 00:45, 20 August 2023 (UTC)
 * Alright. SpaceEconomist192  ✐  07:39, 20 August 2023 (UTC)


 * Add wikilink to «Cairoma Municipal».
 * ✅ Krisgabwoosh (talk) 00:45, 20 August 2023 (UTC)


 * Was Patricia independent or was she representing a party when she was a member of the Chamber of Deputies? It does state in the following sentence that she is a member of MAS-IPSP, but it makes it seem like it was only during her time serving the Cairoma Municipal Council.
 * She was a member of the party during both. I'm going off similar phrasing used in articles like this one on Joe Biden: "A member of the Democratic Party, he previously served as the 47th vice president ..." Krisgabwoosh (talk) 00:45, 20 August 2023 (UTC)
 * Alright. SpaceEconomist192  ✐  07:39, 20 August 2023 (UTC)


 * Remove wikilink from «trade unionism» in ...Mancilla played an active role in regional trade unionism...
 * Check. As an aside, when do you think its relevant to link to trade union? When the word is used on its own; when stating "trade unionism"; or when stating "trade unionist"? Krisgabwoosh (talk) 00:45, 20 August 2023 (UTC)
 * I suggested to remove it here because there is a first-instance of the word already linked. SpaceEconomist192  ✐  07:39, 20 August 2023 (UTC)


 * It would be good to add that the Bartolina Sisa Confederation is a peasant women trade union. I suggest something like this, «...holding positions throughout the 1990s within the Bartolina Sisa Confederation, an agrarian and women trade union».
 * ✅ Krisgabwoosh (talk) 00:45, 20 August 2023 (UTC)


 * ...held positions within the party's internal structure. Any prominent position she held?
 * Only the one mentioned in prose but I wasn't sure if it was relevant enough to mention in the much-abridged lead. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 00:45, 20 August 2023 (UTC)
 * Okay, no problem. SpaceEconomist192  ✐  07:39, 20 August 2023 (UTC)


 * She was elected to a seat in the Chamber of Deputies in 2009, representing the La Paz Department. This doesn't seem to add anything new to what was already said in the opening paragraph. I suggest its removal.
 * I'd like to keep it just because the rest of the paragraph doesn't really follow otherwise. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 00:45, 20 August 2023 (UTC)
 * Maybe you can rephrase it to something like, «As a member of the Chamber of Deputy, Mancilla launched...» SpaceEconomist192  ✐  07:39, 20 August 2023 (UTC)

Early life and education

 * It should be stated in this section that the Araca Valley is within Asiento Araca, otherwise this sentence, The predominantly Aymara-populated Araca Valley... is confusing for the reader.
 * ✅ Krisgabwoosh (talk) 00:45, 20 August 2023 (UTC)


 * «precluded» → prevented
 * ✅ Krisgabwoosh (talk) 00:45, 20 August 2023 (UTC)


 * What is popular communication? Is it possible to add a wikilink to that?
 * I'll be honest with you, I spent a solid amount of time looking through various papers and reports to try and parse what exactly "popular communication" means. I just could not figure it out. No articles came up in either English or Spanish Wikipedia that matched descriptions I saw. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 00:45, 20 August 2023 (UTC)

Career and trade unionism

 * Add wikilink to «Loayza Province».
 * Already linked: "in the Loayza Province of southern La Paz". Krisgabwoosh (talk) 00:45, 20 August 2023 (UTC)

Election

 * Here're some suggestions for a more accessible and plain English: «forayed into» → entered; «myriad» → multiple; «engulfed» → overwhelmed; «squabbles» → arguments; «hemorrhaging» → hemorrhaging ; «fledgling» → new; «culminated» → resulted.
 * Perhaps I went overboard on the vocabulary. «myriad» → numerous; kept «engulfed»; «squabbles» → disputes; removed «fledgling»; «culminated» → resulted. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 00:45, 20 August 2023 (UTC)


 * The abbreviation given in the parenthesis for the Movement for Socialism is MAS-IPSP, all instances of MAS should be replaced with the full abbreviation.
 * Shortened the abbreviation in parenthesis. Everyone always calls it just "MAS". Krisgabwoosh (talk) 00:45, 20 August 2023 (UTC)

Tenure

 * The above suggestion should also be applied here.
 * ...antiquated Penal Code... shouldn't the red link be only on «Penal Code»?
 * I figured "Criminal law of Bolivia" was more likely to get an eventual article than "Penal Code of Bolivia", especially since the current one already faces efforts to have it replaced. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 00:45, 20 August 2023 (UTC)

Commission assignments

 * Everything looks good.
 * Yay! Krisgabwoosh (talk) 00:45, 20 August 2023 (UTC)

Electoral history

 * Everything looks good.
 * Yay! X2 Krisgabwoosh (talk) 00:45, 20 August 2023 (UTC)

Reference check

 * All references number are of this version.
 * Checked reference #3, #6, #10, #16, #17, #18, #22 and #23.
 * I got an «access denied» message when trying to enter source #22 and #23. Can the nominator transclude the content to my sandbox? Thanks.
 * They seem to work fine for me but have you tried the archive links? Krisgabwoosh (talk) 00:45, 20 August 2023 (UTC)
 * The archive links worked, thanks. SpaceEconomist192  ✐  07:39, 20 August 2023 (UTC)


 * It is stated that source #16 is in Spanish, yet its written in English.
 * It's, by now, muscle memory to mark citations as Spanish. Fixed. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 00:45, 20 August 2023 (UTC)

Copyvio check

 * Earwig's Copyvio Detector points to 12.3% (all sources, expect two, are in Spanish).

Images check

 * Checked image, it has an appropriate copyright status, it's relevant and it has a suitable caption.