Talk:Paul Dini/GA2

GA Review
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Reviewer: Etriusus (talk · contribs) 02:16, 7 December 2022 (UTC)

As promised, I'll take this back up.

Copy-vios

 * Nothing notable on Earwig.
 * Spot checks didn't find anything worthwhile

Images

 * Nothing exciting

Prose

 * born August 7, 1957 add this to early life. MOS:CITELEAD should also be fixed
 * and Terry McGinnis. not mentioned nor cited in the article body
 * Dini wrote a number of episodes of the 1983–1985 animated.. run-on sentence
 * Best known among Dini's original creations is Jingle Belle not supported by the source, in fact, it contradicts the source
 * done-in-one stories requires further explanation, I assume this is a topic specific term, sentence as a whole boarders on being run-on
 * Dini co-wrote a draft... sentence is missing contractions
 * Dini writes episodes released on the website on a regular basis. present tense? Is this still ongoing? If yes, clarify. Also, there is no source
 * He returned to write returned to what?
 * In the very same episode, he appeared... too many commas, not all are necessary
 * 2010s section needs to be changed to a paragraph format
 * his wife, magician and voiceover actress I got a chuckle out of this. The grammar implies he lives with 3 women, his wife, his magician, and voice actress Misty Lee. Please reword.
 * extensive WP:PUFFERY
 * having reached a weight of 320 pounds. how much weight was lost? sentence is unclear if this is before or after.
 * Paul Dini interviewed on nerdist.com podcast, July 2016 404 external link

Alright, here are my notes for the first pass. I assume not citing every single screenwriting credit is standard MOS for pages like this. There are a number of sources missing, and that should take priority to cleaning up this page. Article on hold till 12/14. Etrius ( Us) 02:16, 7 December 2022 (UTC)


 * @FlairTale it has been 3 days since the review has opened. I'm pinging you since you haven't been active since 12/03. Etrius ( Us) 03:56, 10 December 2022 (UTC)
 * @FlairTale This review has now been open for 5 1/2, going on 6 days. I can see by this dif that you've been actively working on the page, in what I presume are the suggested edits. That being said, you need to WP:COMMUNICATE about what is going on and what edits have been resolved. GA reviews involve back-and-forth discourse between the nominator and the reviewer. Without it, I cannot accurately gauge what has been changed, what issues there are, what extra improvements have been made, etc.. I am not expecting a line-by-line breakdown, but at least acknowledgement of the aforementioned issues being resolved would save us both a lot of time. If you're still working on the suggestions, that's fine too, but be aware that I cannot gauge when you aim to stop improvements, ergo delaying any subsequent second reviews I may perform. If, by 12/14, you haven't gotten back to me, I'll assume you've resolved the above issues and give the article a second pass. Cheers, Etrius ( Us) 19:48, 12 December 2022 (UTC)
 * @Etriusus Hello, I had tried to contact you yesterday but wasn't able to edit either this discussion or your talk page for some reason, but it seems to be resolved now. Apologies for the delay. I was able to resolve essentially all of the issues, although I'm not sure how the Jingle Belle source contradicts Dini being the creator. Does it not read: "Jingle Belle is, after all, the creation of Paul Dini..."? And I don't understand which words you want me to contract in the Gatchaman line. --FlairTale (talk) 02:45, 13 December 2022 (UTC)
 * @FlairTale All good, I'll take a second look. Etrius ( Us) 03:12, 13 December 2022 (UTC)
 * The Jingle Belle statement was in reference to the source alluding that Jingle Belle was not 'Best known' of Dini's creations. It's been fixed either way. Etrius ( Us) 03:18, 13 December 2022 (UTC)
 * I made some CEs. Otherwise, I don't see any issues that fall within GA criteria. Article passes, CONGRATS!!!! Etrius ( Us) 04:46, 13 December 2022 (UTC)