Talk:Paul Klee/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: TonyTheTiger (talk · contribs) 23:43, 29 November 2012 (UTC)

I will do this review.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 23:43, 29 November 2012 (UTC)


 * Please eliminate the gallery by moving the works to the part of the text that they are mentioned in. You may need to learn how to use Template:Multiple image. (See Vincent van Gogh). You may need to expand the text to justify including some of the works.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 16:01, 2 December 2012 (UTC)
 * Removed.--Tomcat (7) 12:26, 5 December 2012 (UTC)
 * Were none of those important enough to be worked into the article. How many of the removed ones were already mentioned in the text?--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 08:49, 6 December 2012 (UTC)
 * It has come to my attention that the article is deficient on details of his notable works. I would restore these gallery components and spread the notable works throughout the text with descriptions.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 13:38, 7 December 2012 (UTC)
 * I could create a "Works" section (like in the German article). I have a draft on my sandbox, which may be included here after being copyedited.--Tomcat (7) 10:20, 10 December 2012 (UTC)
 * Something like that would be a huge step in the right direction. I will not review the images until you do so. Without some major improvement in terms of works, I would have to fail the article.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 17:58, 10 December 2012 (UTC)


 * In a well-organized article, each paragraph is suppose to discuss a different topic. Make sure that each paragraph has at least one inline citation. Currently, two paragraphs have no citations.  They either need to be merged with other paragraphs or cited.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 16:05, 2 December 2012 (UTC)
 * --Tomcat (7) 12:26, 5 December 2012 (UTC)
 * One more left for now. Still awaiting all that added text to see what it is going to look like.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 14:56, 15 December 2012 (UTC)


 * Please address the disambiguation issues from the toolbox to the right.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 16:13, 2 December 2012 (UTC)
 * I could not find any dablinks.--Tomcat (7) 12:26, 5 December 2012 (UTC)
 * If it is not in the article, then it is in one of the templates.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 08:50, 6 December 2012 (UTC)


 * Please address the external links issues from the toolbox to the right. --TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 16:13, 2 December 2012 (UTC)
 * Done.--Tomcat (7) 12:26, 5 December 2012 (UTC)

/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 15:49, 2 December 2012 (UTC)
 * WP:LEAD
 * There should be an opening statement describing his notable roles: I.e., he was a painter, sculptor, draftsman, teacher, etc.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 13:38, 7 December 2012 (UTC)
 * There should be a statement of the notable results of each of these roles. I.e., enumerate notable works and then expound upon this list with more detail in the main text.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 13:38, 7 December 2012 (UTC)
 * This is an extremely long article (23,638 characters of readable prose) for a 1003-character one-paragraph LEAD. Please make sure that a summary of each section of the article is included in the LEAD. I expect something closer to three or four paragraphs and between 2500 and 3000 characters.--TonyTheTiger (T/C
 * --Tomcat (7) 12:26, 5 December 2012 (UTC)


 * Link draftsman (I don't really know what one is).--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 15:54, 2 December 2012 (UTC)
 * Done--Tomcat (7) 10:20, 10 December 2012 (UTC)
 * I meant here in the LEAD upon first use. Link it here not later.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 15:02, 15 December 2012 (UTC)


 * Early life and training
 * "so talented on violin" sounds WP:POV.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 22:45, 6 December 2012 (UTC)
 * Similarly "valuable insights" "deep interests", "great reader" all seem to present POV adjectives.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 22:45, 6 December 2012 (UTC)


 * Affiliation to the "Blaue Reiter", 1911
 * recorded seems to be a misleading verb choice, given that we are talking about 1911.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 22:59, 6 December 2012 (UTC)


 * Trip to Tunis, 1914
 * What is meant by "quality of the light"?--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 23:05, 6 December 2012 (UTC)


 * Military career
 * Skipping ahead, I see a picture in uniform. The text in that section does not explain what ranks he achieved, honors he earned or even what branch he served in. The article begs all of these questions. Did he see active duty? What years did he serve?--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 16:18, 2 December 2012 (UTC)
 * I expanded this section a bit.--Tomcat (7) 12:26, 5 December 2012 (UTC)


 * Since I don't know this artist well and can't remember what his ethnicity is, you need to tell me what "reserve forces". It seems like this should be affiliated with some military force that has a link if not be a link itself. There must be a Fooian army or something that this reserve force is affiliated with.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 23:17, 6 December 2012 (UTC)
 * I added a description.--Tomcat (7) 10:20, 10 December 2012 (UTC)


 * I think conscription has a link.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 23:17, 6 December 2012 (UTC)
 * Linked--Tomcat (7) 10:20, 10 December 2012 (UTC)


 * I don't know WWI very well. Did the war end on the same date on all fronts?--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 23:17, 6 December 2012 (UTC)
 * I still feel most of my questions above still remain.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 23:17, 6 December 2012 (UTC)


 * Mature career
 * Please either staggar the two images at the top or use Template:Multiple image.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 13:30, 7 December 2012 (UTC)
 * "conflicting theories and opinions"
 * on what topic--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 13:30, 7 December 2012 (UTC)
 * Do you have examples?--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 13:30, 7 December 2012 (UTC)
 * You have overlinked Kandinsky and Düsseldorf. Only link the first instance.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 13:30, 7 December 2012 (UTC)
 * Done--Tomcat (7) 10:20, 10 December 2012 (UTC)
 * Kandinsky still linked twice and the first instance of Düsseldorf is mispelled (with a "u") and unlinked.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 08:39, 15 December 2012 (UTC)


 * Only use full names once unless it causes ambiguity. Then use last names only.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 13:30, 7 December 2012 (UTC)
 * WHen you first mention names, such as Feininger and Jawlensky, use full names. --TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 13:30, 7 December 2012 (UTC)
 * Done--Tomcat (7) 10:20, 10 December 2012 (UTC)


 * I don't know what a monograph is so please link it or explain it. --TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 13:30, 7 December 2012 (UTC)
 * Done--Tomcat (7) 10:20, 10 December 2012 (UTC)


 * "His home was searched by the Gestapo"-What did they find?--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 13:30, 7 December 2012 (UTC)
 * I don't think they found something important.--Tomcat (7) 10:20, 10 December 2012 (UTC)
 * Was he fired as a result of the search?--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 08:42, 15 December 2012 (UTC)


 * "The Klee family emigrated to Switzerland in late 1933": Was this just husband and wife? Did the 26 year old kid come? Extended family?--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 13:30, 7 December 2012 (UTC)
 * I am not sure whether Felix went with them. The German article states that the pair emigrated to Switzerland.--Tomcat (7) 10:20, 10 December 2012 (UTC)
 * You have muddled that information. You should clarify that the pair emigrated since that is what you are able to source.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 08:45, 15 December 2012 (UTC)


 * It seems to me that this section should be more extensive. It is not clear to me what his notable works were and what his periods were. I think this is a deficiency for a WP:GA.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 13:30, 7 December 2012 (UTC)


 * Death
 * Death and Fire is a work that should be italicized rather than put in quotes. --TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 13:49, 7 December 2012 (UTC)
 * Done--Tomcat (7) 10:20, 10 December 2012 (UTC)


 * Style and methods
 * This section begins with several sentences, each of which requires separate inline citation (and possibly from multiple sources):
 * Klee has been variously associated with Expressionism, Cubism, Futurism, Surrealism, and Abstraction...--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 00:04, 9 December 2012 (UTC)
 * Klee worked in many different media—oil paint, watercolor, ink, pastel, etching, and others.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 00:04, 9 December 2012 (UTC)
 * He used canvas, burlap, muslin, linen, gauze, cardboard, metal foils, fabric, wallpaper, and newsprint.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 00:04, 9 December 2012 (UTC)
 * The second paragraph could also use multiple inline citations.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 00:04, 9 December 2012 (UTC)
 * Link both monochromatic to highly polychromatic if possible or at least one.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 00:04, 9 December 2012 (UTC)
 * Done--Tomcat (7) 10:20, 10 December 2012 (UTC)


 * Many of the points in this section should be made by example of notable works. E.g., several exmaples should illustrate the following points: "Many of his works and their titles reflect his dry humor and varying moods; some express political convictions. They frequently allude to poetry, music and dreams and sometimes include words or musical notation. The later works are distinguished by spidery hieroglyph-like symbols."--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 00:04, 9 December 2012 (UTC


 * Works
 * In general, name subsections using the same style (, YYYY–YYYY or, YYYY–YY, or none).--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 06:23, 24 December 2012 (UTC)
 * Start each subsection describing the time period in years.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 06:23, 24 December 2012 (UTC)
 * I have not checked closely, but if you include an image, mention it in the text.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 06:37, 24 December 2012 (UTC)
 * You are quite deficient on commas following many phrases. This may be a stylistic choice, because it is not isolated to this section.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 06:37, 24 December 2012 (UTC)


 * Mystical-abstract period, 1914–1919
 * In general link places and people with articles on first instance.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 06:02, 24 December 2012 (UTC)
 * E.g., link North Africa, Delaunays (s apostrophe or apostrophe s?), Macke and Moilliet, Turin, Gersthofen, and Marc.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 06:02, 24 December 2012 (UTC)
 * formative principle? link?--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 06:02, 24 December 2012 (UTC)


 * Works in the Bauhaus period and in Dusseldorf
 * Why isn't Twittering Machine in this section?--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 06:13, 24 December 2012 (UTC)
 * Dusseldorfer period? is this the proper name? proper spelling? I.e., does it end in er and does it have a diacritic?--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 06:13, 24 December 2012 (UTC)
 * Link mosaic.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 06:13, 24 December 2012 (UTC)


 * Last works in Switzerland
 * his joke?--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 06:28, 24 December 2012 (UTC)
 * "Since 1938" -> After 1938--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 06:28, 24 December 2012 (UTC)


 * Contemporary view on Paul Klee
 * "describes Oskar Schlemmer, future artist collegue of Bauhaus, the pictures by Paul Klee in his September 1916 diary" seems ungrammatical. Maybe add "regarding" before the pictures.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 00:45, 9 December 2012 (UTC)
 * His partially morbid motivs appealed to the surrealists. --TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 00:45, 9 December 2012 (UTC)
 * done--Tomcat (7) 10:20, 10 December 2012 (UTC)


 * "Whereupon Breton, how Joan Miró remembers, Klee negates as follows..." Does Klee really talk in the third person?--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 00:45, 9 December 2012 (UTC)
 * Reworded--Tomcat (7) 10:20, 10 December 2012 (UTC)
 * Who is Masson? if Breton is André Breton?--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 08:56, 15 December 2012 (UTC)
 * Change "how Joan Miró remembers" to "according to Joan Miró"?--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 08:56, 15 December 2012 (UTC)


 * Angelus Novus should be included in this section.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 00:45, 9 December 2012 (UTC)
 * I can see it in this section.--Tomcat (7) 10:20, 10 December 2012 (UTC)


 * Musical interpretations
 * The final paragraph in this section needs some introductory statement saying how this is different type of influence than the prior paragraph.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 00:54, 9 December 2012 (UTC)


 * Architectural honours
 * What is "the museum exhibits about 150 from overall 4000 Klee works every half years" trying to say?--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 00:59, 9 December 2012 (UTC)

When is User:Tomcat7/Sandbox7 going to be incorporated into this article? If this review does not start to move forward again soon, I will have to fail it.--
 * I will finish the work by tomorrow. Regards.--Tomcat (7) 16:21, 22 December 2012 (UTC)
 * It looks like a major chunk of material was added on December 23. Is it what the review needed to continue? BlueMoonset (talk) 02:45, 4 January 2013 (UTC)

Just going to chime in here with the newly added chunk of prose that needs fixes.

"Some of Klee's early preserved children's drawings, to which his grandmother encouraged, were listed on his catalogue raisonné." - Wouldn't it be childhood drawings? Why do we need the comment about his grandmothers encouragement?

"]]. A total of 19 etchings were produced during the Bern years; ten of these were made between 1903 and 1905 in the cycle "Inventionen" (Inventions)," - The sentence seems to be disjoined from the context, but that's just my opinion.

"Klee's solitary early work ended when he met in 1910 graphic artist and illustrator Alfred Kubin, who inspired Klee." Prose issues. 'when he met' is out of place. But the end is also awkward and feels lamely attached on and is again subjective.

"During his twelve-day educational trip to Tunis in April 1914 Klee produced with Macke and Moilliet watercolour paintings, which implement the strong light and colour stimulus of the North African countryside in the fashion of Paul Cézanne and Robert Delaunays' cubistic form concepts." Should be at least two sentences here, an extra comma or two and a bit of clean up for clarity. It just runs together.

"Under the impression of his military service he created the painting Trauerblumen (Velvetbells) in 1917, which, with his graphical signs, vegetal and phantastic shapes, is a forerunner of his future works, harmonically combining graphic, colour and object." Where did this come from? I do not believe that Tomcat7 wrote this.

"In the 1918 watercolour painting Einst dem Grau der Nacht enttaucht, a compositional implemented poem, possible written by Klee, he incorporated letters in small, in terms of colour separated squares, cutting off the first verse from the second one with silver paper." This is about right... again bad prose.

"Here, Klee did not lean on Delaunay's colours, but on Marc's, although the picture content of both painters does not correspond with each other." Sounds a bit original research without a source when the they do not 'correspond with each other'.

" After being named defamatory in the Munich exhibtion "Entartete Kunst", the painting was later bought by the Buchholz Gallery, New York, and then transferred in 1939 to the Museum of Modern Art." First part is confusing. 'named defamatory?'

"The watercolour painting appears at a first glance childish, but it allows more interpretations. The picture can be interpreted as a critic by Klee, who shows through denaturation of the birds, that the world technization heist the creatures' self-determination" Both sentences need prose work, but the last part is going to confuse just about any reader.

" The self-portrait in the same year – with the programmatic title von der Liste gestrichen (removed from the list) – provides information about his feeling after losing professorship." Bad metaphor here with 'programmatic title', many interpretations.

"The abstract portrait was painted in dark colours and shows closed eyes and compressed lips, while on the back part of his head there is a large "X", symbolizing that his art was no longer worth in Germany." The last portion after "X", has prose issues.

I'll stop now, but that is just a quick read through of errors I found with the prose. ChrisGualtieri (talk) 18:45, 4 January 2013 (UTC)
 * I have tired of nudging the nominator to respond to concerns here. The article has been vastly improved by responses thus far and content added, but many issues remain. This article should be renominated at a later date. I am now FAILing this article.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 23:11, 9 January 2013 (UTC)