Talk:Paz Vizsla/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: MWright96 (talk · contribs) 14:05, 21 April 2020 (UTC)

Shall be reviewing this article as part of the GAN Backlog Drive of April to May 2020. MWright96 (talk) 14:05, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * Pass/Fail:

Lead

 * "Favreau also previously voiced the similarly-named Pre Vizsla, a Mandalorian warlord in the computer-animated television series Star Wars: The Clone Wars." - Think this sentence is out of place for the lead
 * I tried paring it down a little bit. Let me know if you think this is better, or if it should still just be removed from the lead altogether. — Hunter Kahn 21:11, 22 April 2020 (UTC)
 * Somewhat better MWright96 (talk) 07:06, 23 April 2020 (UTC)

Appearances

 * I think the whole paragraph could be divided into two for better readability
 * Done. — Hunter Kahn 21:11, 22 April 2020 (UTC)
 * "and although the Empire has fallen out of power by this time, the clan has not yet regained its former status or power." - repetition of "power"
 * Removed "or power" so that the sentence now ends simply with "former status". — Hunter Kahn 21:11, 22 April 2020 (UTC)
 * "when the Mandalorian is attacked by multiple bounty hunters after rescued" - after he
 * Fixed. — Hunter Kahn 21:11, 22 April 2020 (UTC)

Characterization

 * "Paz Vizla is physically imposing, displaying great height and tremendous strength,[4][9][13] He is tough and aggressive,[7][14]" - major punctuation error
 * Reworked the sentence so I think this is fixed; I think the new sentence flows better anyway. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:11, 22 April 2020 (UTC)
 * "This is demonstrated by his willingness to place his own safety and the safety of his tribe" - close repetition of "safety"
 * Reworded. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:11, 22 April 2020 (UTC)

Portrayal

 * "of The Mandalorian.[17][18][16]" - please put the references in numerical order
 * Done. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:11, 22 April 2020 (UTC)
 * "on the computer-animated television series Star Wars: The Clone Wars," - try not to have too many wikilinks close together per MOS:OVERLINK
 * I took out the wikilink for "animated television series", which probably wasn't necessary anyway since "computer animation" basically covers it. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:11, 22 April 2020 (UTC)

Critical reception

 * "Inverse writer Jake Kleinman called a "fan-favorite character" " - called him
 * Fixed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:11, 22 April 2020 (UTC)
 * "particularly describing his salute in particular" - words in bold are unneeded
 * Removed. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:11, 22 April 2020 (UTC)
 * "A headline for a /Film story by Ethan Anderton described him as called him an" - the words in bold are unneeded
 * Oops, yes. Dropped. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:11, 22 April 2020 (UTC)
 * Maybe add a wikilink for Baby Yoda?
 * I already wikilink The Child in the first sentence of the second paragraph of the Appearances section so I didn't think another was appropriate here, but if you disagree I can add it. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:11, 22 April 2020 (UTC)
 * No disagreement here MWright96 (talk) 07:06, 23 April 2020 (UTC)

Merchandise

 * "The figure is 12.5 inches (32 cm) in height," - use abbr=on in the convert template
 * Added. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:11, 22 April 2020 (UTC)
 * "Hasbro also released a six-inch action figure of Paz" - how about using the convert template on the text in bold?
 * Done. — <b style="color:#C0C0C0">Hunter</b> <b style="color:#595454">Kahn</b> 21:11, 22 April 2020 (UTC)