Talk:Peace on Earth (Casting Crowns album)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Hurricanehink (talk · contribs) 18:14, 14 January 2013 (UTC)

"As co-producer, Hall attempted to differentiate the album from their previous ones by attempting things they had not tried before, and he also wanted to utilize the band's female members more."
 * " Hall also attempted to try different things with the band than they had done before, and tried to utilize the band's female members (Megan Garrett and Melodee DeVevo) more to show their talent." - this sentence seems vague and WP:WEASLEy. Was utilizing the female members the only thing different? If so, perhaps say something like "Hall attempted to differ the album from previous works by utilizing the band's female members..." or something.
 * It is one of the things, but it is noted more than any other thing on the source. I've changed it to:

"Hall noted that when people Christmas carols, they often don't hear the true message of the carols because they have sung them for so long. Hall intended the album to help people rediscover the worshipful nature behind the carols."
 * My problem is with "attempting things". Why not "methods", "techniques", something more encyclopediac than "things"? --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 21:17, 14 January 2013 (UTC)
 * Changed to "creative ideas".
 * "Peace on Earth was written based on the question "How do you know there's peace on earth in a world that isn't very peaceful?"." - I think there should be a comma after question, and is a fullstop needed at the end of the sentence?
 * I've added a comma. I'm not quite sure the rules regarding full stops, but I do believe one is needed even after a quote in this case because the sentence afterwords can't be linked because there isn't anything similar between the two - sentence two doesn't answer the question, basically.
 * I meant a comma after question. And I think the quote can end with a question mark, just get rid of the period. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 21:17, 14 January 2013 (UTC)
 * Re-added the quote and put a comma after it, no period.
 * "Hall said that oftentimes when people Christmas carols, people don't hear the true message behind them, and that his intent was to help people rediscover the worshipful nature behind them." - either rewrite this to make it more descriptive, or make it a quote. Given the previous sentence had a quote, I'd advise against it, but it currently reads a bit on the vernacular side. A verb is missing in the first part of the sentence. Try and get rid of the word "people" at least once (maybe twice) in the sentence. Finally, the last "them" is ambiguous what it's referring to - the "carols" or "message", and it'd be good not to have "behind them" twice in the same sentence.
 * I've modified it to:


 * The beginning portion still isn't a complete clause. It's missing a verb. Also, I don't think necessarily "they have sung them for so long" is true, since people mostly hear the old carols, not so much sing them. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 21:17, 14 January 2013 (UTC)
 * I see - I thought 'noted' was a verb but it is not. Changed to 'opined' instead. I've removed the second part - albeit Hall said that, not me. :)
 * I mean... "that when people Christmas carols" is missing a verb. Also, you now have "carols" twice in the same sentence. This is the last thing before I pass. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 22:22, 14 January 2013 (UTC)
 * I believe I've fixed that now, sorry for the issues there.
 * "a song written by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow about his rediscovery of hope after several personal tragedies such as the death of his wife in a fire and the injury of his son in the Civil War" - that goes on a bit long. I recommend removing the examples of the tragedies, since they're not necessary for the article, IMO.
 * Alright, I've removed them.
 * "Hall wanted to try different things that the band had not done before" - as with before, try avoiding the word "things".
 * Replaced it with "aspects and ideas", because that is the only thing I could think off the top of my head.
 * "in part to demonstrate "let people hear the gifts they have"." - grammatically this doesn't make sense. Try rewording.
 * Fixed, bad error on my part.
 * It still doesn't quite work. " in part to demonstrate "people hear the gifts they have"" - there is either an extra word, or something missing. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 21:17, 14 January 2013 (UTC)
 * D'oh. Fixed.
 * ""While You Were Sleeping", originally included on Lifesong" - without clicking on the link, there is no indication that Lifesong is an album of Casting Crowns. Maybe add "their prior album, Lifesong" or something.
 * I've added "their 2005 album" in front of it to be more specific.
 * "O Come O Come Emmanuel" - should there be commas? The track listing includes them. In the critical reception section, there is also inconsistent comma placement.
 * Sorry, my fault there - some people use commas, others don't, so I got a bit confused there. As this album does use them I have added them.
 * You need a source for " it also became the band's first entry on the Adult Contemporary chart"
 * It does have a source - citation 13, the band's chart history at AC according to Billboard. Since no other songs have charted, it is thus their first and only entry on the format.
 * Oooh, I get it. Maybe say "first and only", then? --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 21:17, 14 January 2013 (UTC)
 * Good idea, added
 * "...regarding it as a let-down in comparison to the band's previous albums and other holiday albums" - did the band have other holiday albums? That's the implication here.
 * Fixed to note the holiday albums are from other artists; the implication is supposed to be that it was regarded as a let-down when compared to both the band's work and the work of other artists.
 * Can you fix the layout of the "Other charting songs" template? It looks weird.
 * Modified to be less huge.
 * All in all, pretty good. Shouldn't be too hard to fix up. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 18:14, 14 January 2013 (UTC)
 * Looking good! Just a few minor things when I commented on your comments. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 21:17, 14 January 2013 (UTC)