Talk:People and Things/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 05:17, 5 September 2020 (UTC)

I recall you being fully civil to work with during my review of Direction, so I hope this is a repeat of that. --K. Peake 05:17, 5 September 2020 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

 * Replace hlist with bullet points
 * Too many producers are in the infobox; remove Bobby Anderson from here for instance, since he only contributed co-production
 * Remove wikilink on studio album as it's too obvious
 * "to be recorded by American rock band" → "by American rock band"
 * The second sentence should about the album's release: "It was released on October 4, 2011, through Sire Records." with the appropriate wikilink and remove the bit from later on this paragraph about the album's release through the label
 * "the band's vocalist and pianist Andrew McMahon spent" → "the band's vocalist and pianist, Andrew McMahon, spent"
 * "for its follow-up album." → "for the follow-up." since this feels definitely less wordy
 * "to his live band, in late 2010 they" → "to his live band in a period during 2010, they"
 * "People and Things was recorded" → "the album was recorded"
 * "People and Things, whose release was preceded by that of the single "My Racing Thoughts" in" → The lead single "My Racing Thoughts" was released in" with the appropriate target
 * "2011," → "2011, followed by the release of "Release Me" in November of that year" with the album info not in this sentence now
 * "with an appearance" → "by an appearance" and this can still be in the sentence with the above single
 * The tour info belongs in a different para; I will instruct you where
 * "The release was promoted with tours" → "Jack's Mannequin embarked on tours"
 * "of the US," → "of the United States,"
 * "release that took inspiration" → "album that took inspiration"
 * "Most of the record was written by McMahon alone" → "McMahon solely wrote the majority of it"
 * "some tracks were co-written" → "some songs were co-written" for consistency
 * "The album's theme is relationships; it's songs" → "The main theme is relationships; the songs"
 * "members of bands, such as" → "members of bands, including"
 * There should be a third para after this sentence; start it with the critical reception sentence
 * "It received a generally positive reaction" → "People and Things received generally positive reviews"
 * "People and Things sold 31,000 copies in its first week, charting at number nine on the Billboard 200 and performing well on the Billboard Alternative, Top Rock, Digital and Vinyl component charts." → "The album charted at number nine on the US Billboard 200, selling 31,000 copies in the first week. It also performed well on the Billboard Alternative, Top Rock, Digital and Vinyl component charts." and these sentences should come directly after the one critical reception
 * The tour sentence should come last here

Background

 * Retitle to Background and development
 * "second album" → "second studio album"
 * "initial planned date of April 2008 until its eventually release" → "initially planned released date of April 2008, eventually being released"
 * "the same year." → "of that year"
 * "With its release, the band's" → "With the release of the album, the band's"
 * "through the making of the album." → "during the making of it."
 * "He felt it would begin" → "He felt The Glass Passenger would begin"
 * "allowing the writing of stream of consciousness material." → "allowing stream of consciousness material to be written."
 * "toured the US with" → "toured the United States with"
 * "they began working" → "the band began working"
 * Add release year of the documentary film in brackets
 * [6] should be solely at the end of the sentence before [7]
 * "his battle with leukemia in 2005." → "his 2005 battle with leukemia." with the target and wikilink, since it needs to be separately linked so people can read about the condition itself from here
 * "Jack's Mannequin was due" → "Jack's Mannequin were due"
 * "in December and" → "in December 2009 and"
 * [8] should solely be at the end of the sentence
 * "which was canceled." → "which was ultimately canceled."
 * "working on the group's next album" → "working on the band's then-upcoming album"
 * "intended.[9] Sessions" → "intended and sessions" since that sentence is too short and [9] should solely be at the end of the sentence now before [10]
 * "had worked with" → "had collaborated with" to avoid repetitive wording
 * "he did for The Glass Passenger and" → "that he used for The Glass Passenger and Jack's Mannequin's debut studio album"
 * "track piano and vocals, and build the recording." → "record piano and vocals, and build the recording off that."
 * "so he could expand the recording" → "to help expand the recording"
 * "in February and March 2010 with" → "from February to March of 2010, with"
 * "In June," → "In June of that year,"
 * "putting out the songs as they existed at the time." → "putting out the songs that he had recorded at the time."
 * "his fans to hear what his live band" → "the fans to hear what a live band"
 * [10] should be solely at the end of the sentence before [11]
 * "of the already recorded tracks," → "of the tracks that had already been recorded,"
 * "In July, him and the rest of the band got together in" → "In July 2010, him and the other members of Jack's Mannequin met up in"
 * "Here, McMahon proposed renting" → "While in the neighbourhood, McMahon proposed to rent"
 * "and working on" → "and work on"
 * "similar to how" → "similarly to how"
 * "used to work in" → "used to work when he was a member of"
 * [11] should be solely at the end of the sentence before [14]

Production

 * "for two months." → "for the subsequent two months."
 * "Jon Sullivan, the band's previous bassist, wanted go" → "Former bassist Jon Sullivan wanted to go"
 * "which the band were aware of and" → "which Jack's Mannequin were aware of and they"
 * "The group traveled between" → "The band traveled between"
 * Target Valencia to Valencia, Santa Clarita, California
 * "The group wanted a producer" → "They wanted a producer"
 * "who worked on some" → "who had worked on some"
 * "and engineered the band's sessions," → "and engineered during Jack's Mannequin's sessions,"
 * "Lightning Sound Studios and" → "Lightning Sound Studios, and"
 * "for "My Racing Thoughts"." → "for the track "My Racing Thoughts"." with the wikilink
 * "consisting of guitarist" → "that consisted of guitarist"
 * "who did not want to change" → "with him not wanting to change"
 * "with the band while" → "with the band by that point, while"
 * "for five or six years by that point." → "for five or six years."
 * Img has proper alt text
 * "by its end, subsequently earning himself a producer credit." → "towards its end, subsequently earning himself credit as a producer." on the img main text
 * "marks the first time" → "marked the first time"
 * "was in the process" → "were in the process"
 * "songs; they planned to revisit" → "songs, with them planning to revisit"
 * "and Jim Wirt, and also worked with" → "and Wirt, and also went on to work with"
 * "and Tim Pierce and" → "and Tim Pierce, and"
 * "In January 2011, as production was winding down," → "When production was winding down in January 2011,"
 * "When McMahon gave his label" → "Once McMahon gave his record label" and mention directly afterwards what label it was
 * "whether he had another song" → "if he had another song"
 * "the sessions while" → "the sessions, while"
 * "were credited to producers Scott" → "were credited to being produced by Scott"
 * "except "Restless Dream")" → "except "Restless Dream"),"
 * "and McMillan as co-producers (all tracks" → "and McMillan serving as co-producers on all tracks"
 * ""Release Me"). Production of "Release Me"" → ""Release Me". Production of the song"
 * "Wirt did additional production on" → "Wirt contributed additional production to"
 * "and Kevin Dean acted" → "and Kevin Dean served"
 * "McKean solely on" → "McKean solely for"
 * "did additional engineering" → "handled additional engineering"
 * ""Release Me" (alongside engineer Spencer Guerra)," → ""Release Me", alongside engineer Spencer Guerra, as well as"
 * ""Platform Fire" and" → ""Platform Fire", and"
 * "Aaron Walk on" → "Aaron Walk for"
 * ""People, Running" and" → ""People, Running", and"
 * Target mixed to Audio mixing (recorded music)

Music

 * "and has drawn comparisons with the works" → "and received comparisons to the works"
 * "Paul Simon and" → "Paul Simon, and"
 * "Phoenix and" → "Phoenix, and"
 * "because he was aware of" → "due to being aware of"
 * Target indie music to Independent music
 * "and wanted to do" → "and wanting to do"
 * "to the band's past works," → "to the band's previous works,"
 * "something McMahon approached from" → "something which was approached by McMahon from"
 * "that worked for each track," → "that would work for each track,"
 * "around the vocals and instrumental arrangements were focused" → "around the vocals, while instrumental arrangements were based"
 * "were written by McMahon alone," → "were written solely by McMahon,"
 * "the exception of" → "the exceptions of"
 * ""People, Running" and" → ""People, Running", and"
 * [26] should not be in the middle of the sentence since it is at the end
 * "and "Amy, I"," → "while "Amy, I","
 * "and "Platform Fire" with" → "and "Platform Fire" were co-written with"
 * "in January 2010." → "during January 2010."
 * [27][26] should be put in numerical order
 * "McMahon played percussion on" → "the former played percussion for"
 * ""People, Running" and" → ""People, Running", and"
 * "and played bass on" → "and played bass for"
 * "every track except for" → "every track, except for"
 * Wikilink acoustic guitar
 * "most of the tracks while" → "most of the tracks, while"
 * "and played a B3" → "and played the B3"
 * Wikilink bass guitar
 * "on almost all of the tracks," → "for all of the tracks,"
 * "and "Restless Dream", on which it was" → "and "Restless Dream", which features bass guitar that was"

Lyrical themes

 * "Discussing the album's title" → "Discussing the album's title,"
 * "of the adjacency of the two words," → "of the two words' adjacency"
 * "has said references" → "he has said references"
 * "He thought of the title" → "McMahon thought of the title"
 * Remove wikilink on Dear Jack EP and introduce it appropriately as the band's seventh EP
 * "McMahon viewed the release" → "He viewed the album's release"
 * [29] should solely be at the end of the sentence before [30]
 * Target battle to Everything in Transit instead and wikilink leukemia to itself, as I explained in the lead
 * [7] should solely be at the end of the sentence before [16]
 * "his friends had married" → "his friends had got married"
 * "he said marriage is" → "McMahon said marriage is"
 * "but when he wrote" → "but admitted that when he wrote"
 * "A lot of the album's material" → "A lot of the material on People and Things"
 * "are also themes found" → "are also themes included"

Tracks

 * "with whom one has a close personal relationship." → "whom one has a close personal relationship with."
 * "for the album." → "for People and Things."
 * [34] should solely be at the end of the sentence before [35]
 * Target lo-fi to Lo-fi music
 * Wikilink techno
 * [37] should solely be at the end of the sentence before [38]
 * "are reminiscent of" → "were described as reminiscent of"
 * Add release year of "Urgent" in brackets
 * "as he was finishing the album." → "when he was finishing People and Things."
 * Target A&R to Artists and repertoire
 * "representative, before becoming" → "representative before they became"
 * "They wanted to" → "The two of them wanted to"
 * "before it descends into" → "before they descend into"
 * "the same bedroom with" → "the same bedroom, with"
 * Add release year of the Temper Trap's track in brackets
 * Target chord to Chord (music)
 * "is inspired by" → "was inspired by"
 * [37] should solely be at the end of the sentence after [17]
 * "early in the writing process" → "early during the writing process"
 * [42] should solely be at the end of the sentence before [43]
 * "unrecorded for that album." → "unrecorded for it."
 * "on tour for Passenger," → "on tour for the album,"
 * "the early days of Jack's Mannequin days," → "the early days of Jack's Mannequin,"
 * "the third verse;" → "the song's third verse;"
 * "a B3 Hammond organ played" → "the B3 Hammond organ, played"
 * "the second co-write" → "the second track to be co-written with"
 * "was based on the album's title and" → "was based on the title People and Things, and"
 * "It builds on" → "The track builds on"
 * "While recording Passenger," → "During the recording of The Glass Passenger,"
 * [46] should solely be at the end of the sentence before [47]
 * Target New York to New York City
 * "and would work on pieces" → "and worked on pieces"
 * "to working on it" → "to working on the song"
 * Wikilink Los Angeles
 * "to hold down and disappear" → "to hold down, who disappear"
 * "told them to play it throughout the track." → "told them to play the beat throughout."
 * "wrote "Restess Dream" and" → "wrote the track and"
 * Target ballad to Sentimental ballad
 * "management team he was" → "management team that he was"
 * [37] should solely be at the end of the sentence before [39]
 * "and was compared to" → "and was compared to the music of"
 * "addition to the album;" → "addition to People and Things;"
 * "was asked to submit" → "had initially been asked to submit"
 * "its avdantages and" → "its advantages as well as the"
 * "on stage while on tour" → "when on stage while touring,"
 * "submitting the song," → "submitted the song,"
 * Add release year of Dylan's song in brackets
 * "sat around for a bit," → "sat around for a while," since it is more encyclopedic
 * "and suggested he record it." → "and suggested him recording the demo."
 * "It discusses the theme" → "The song discusses the theme"
 * "while contemplating where one belongs," → "while contemplating where they belong,"
 * [22] should solely be at the end of the sentence before [37]
 * Add release year of Augustana's song in brackets
 * "was written after McMahon relaxed in" → "was written by McMahon after he relaxed at"
 * [61] should solely be at the end of the sentence after [55]

Release

 * Retitle to Release and promotion
 * "performing on tour, February 2012" → "performing in February 2012 on the album's tour." on the img main text
 * "On May 31, McMahon" → "On May 31, 2011, McMahon"
 * "after which the group" → "after which the band"
 * "in June and July with" → "in June and July, with"
 * "for release in October" → "for release in October 2011"
 * Target streaming to Streaming media
 * "on the group's website and was released as a single on August 2." → "on Jack's Mannequin's website and it was later released as the lead single on August 2 of that year." with the wikilink
 * [68][31] should be put in numerical order
 * "On the same day," → "That same day,"
 * "The group played two dates" → "The band played two dates"
 * "at the Kanrocksas Music Festival before" → "at the Kanrocksas Music Festival, before"
 * "in August and September." → "in August and September of 2011."
 * "During the tour, the group rotated" → "During the tour, Jack's Mannequin rotated"
 * "On August 12, the band" → "On August 12, 2011, the band"
 * [73] should solely be at the end of the sentence before [74]
 * "followed on August 16 by a video of the band" → "followed four days later by a video of them"
 * "A trailer for the album was" → "A trailer for People and Things was"
 * "on August 30." → "on August 30 of that year."
 * "On September 26, "Television" premiered through" → "On September 26, 2011, "Television" premiered via"
 * "On September 30, a music video for" → "Four days later, the music video for" with the wikilink
 * "was released through Sire Records on October 4." → "was released on October 4, 2011, through Sire Records."
 * "The iTunes deluxe edition included bonus tracks" → "The iTunes deluxe edition of the album includes the bonus tracks" with the wikilink
 * ""Dancing with a Gun" and" → ""Dancing with a Gun", and"
 * "included demo recordings" → "features demo recordings"
 * "During the album's release week," → "During the release week of People and Things,"
 * "A film screening in New York City," → "a film screening in New York City,"
 * "for each of the album's songs" → "for every song on the album"
 * "directed by a separate director" → "were directed by a separate director"
 * Target livestream to Live streaming
 * "the group went on the headlining US People and Things Tour," → "Jack's Mannequin went on the People and Things Tour of the US,"
 * [81] should solely be at the end of the sentence before [82]
 * "Allen Stone and" → "Allen Stone, and"
 * "was released to" → "was released as the second single from People and Things to US"
 * "went on tour in" → "toured in"
 * [85] also mentions them touring in Canada at that time, why is this not mentioned?
 * "A music video for "Release Me" was released" → "An accompanying music video was released"
 * [86] should solely be at the end of the sentence after [29]
 * "premiering through" → "which premiered through"
 * "The clip is a satirical view" → "The video shows a satirical view"

Reception

 * Mixed → mixed, in the ratings box
 * Favorable → favorable
 * The commercial performance para belongs as the last one of the section instead
 * "at number nine on the" → "at number nine on the US"
 * "It also reached number 1 on" → "The album further reached number one on US"
 * "and number twenty" → "and number 20"
 * "at number forty-three on Rock Digital Song Sales" → "at number 43 on the US Rock Digital Song Sales chart,"
 * [99] should solely be at the end of the sentence before [100]
 * "number sixty-eight on" → "number 68 on"
 * "received generally favorable reviews from music critics, according to review aggregation website Metacritic." → "was met with generally favorable reviews from music critics. At Metacritic, the album received an average score of 66, based on 8 reviews." with the targets and this should be the entirety of the section's opening para, followed by the remainder of critical reception before the commercial performance info
 * "with McMahon" → "and noted McMahon"
 * "wrote the lyrics were" → "wrote that the lyrics were"
 * [22] should solely be at the end of the sentence
 * "the band’s" → "the band's"
 * [23] should solely be at the end of the sentence
 * "though they infrequently" → "though commented that they infrequently"
 * "said the lyrics are still" → "stated that the lyrics on the album are still"
 * "added that they" → "added that the lyrics"
 * "Nick Freed said it" → "Nick Freed said People and Things"
 * "melancholic joy."" → "melancholic joy"."
 * "release, "for longevity's sake" it might" → "release "for longevity's sake", he admitted that it might"
 * "his normal routine."" → "his normal routine"."
 * Remove wikilink on Entertainment Weekly
 * "compared it to Passenger sonically, with a" → "compared the album to The Glass Passenger sonically, writing that a"
 * "Passenger 2.0."" → "Passenger 2.0"."
 * "It remains mainly up-tempo, save for one track;" → "He described the album as remaining mainly up-tempo, apart from one track; "Hey Hey Hey (We're All Gonna Die)"." with the wikilink
 * "safe at points."" → "safe at points"."
 * "solid solids."" → "solid tunes"." as that is what the source says
 * "to Transit and Passenger, and said it" → "to Everything In Transit and The Glass Passenger, and said the album"
 * "when compared to" → "in comparison to"
 * "consist of," → "consists of,"
 * "The collection simply serves" → "Ezell explained that the album simply serves"
 * "to the group's repertoire," → "to Jack's Mannequin's repertoire,"
 * "that it demands."" → "that it demands"."
 * Remove or replace The Stanford Daily per WP:RSSM
 * "Seattle Post-Intelligencer's Megan Rozell said" → "Megan Rozell from the Seattle Post-Intelligencer said"
 * Merge this review with the above para as it is the only one since the other two are totally useless on Wiki
 * "wraps up of the loose ends of Transit and Passenger," → "wraps up the loose ends of Everything In Transit and The Glass Passenger,"
 * "It comes across in" → "She continued, admitting that it comes across"
 * Remove Sputnikmusic review since the URL and its archive are both broken
 * Are you sure? The URL worked fine for me just now. Removed archive. Yeepsi (talk) 09:50, 10 September 2020 (UTC)
 * Yeah it is working, sorry my bad there must have got mixed up; are you certain that is a reliable source however? --K. Peake 12:06, 10 September 2020 (UTC)
 * It's on the WP:ALBUM/SOURCE list. Yeepsi (talk) 12:22, 10 September 2020 (UTC)

Track listing

 * See MOS:TABLECAPTION
 * Add the appropriate refs for the iTunes and Best Buy editions

Personnel

 * Good

Charts

 * See MOS:TABLECAPTION
 * Remove the non-notable Digital Albums chart

Final comments and verdict

 * and sorry if the review took a while, my head has not been so focused recently. --K. Peake 09:17, 10 September 2020 (UTC)
 * It's totally understandable! Done the fixes. Yeepsi (talk) 09:50, 10 September 2020 (UTC)
 * You still need to update the caption for the chart table. --K. Peake 05:45, 12 September 2020 (UTC)
 * Added. Yeepsi (talk) 07:12, 12 September 2020 (UTC)
 * This looks good now and some copy editing was included by me, I will now ✅ despite the bot's issues. --K. Peake 17:24, 12 September 2020 (UTC)