Talk:Peter Drummond (RAF officer)/GA1

GA Review
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Hi, I have elected to review this article against the Good Article criteria and should have my initial comments posted up within the next few hours. Cheers, Abraham, B.S. (talk) 05:07, 24 October 2008 (UTC)


 * I have completed reviewing this article under the criteria and have decided to place it on hold. The article is very close to passing, but I have a few minor concerns which I have listed below. Cheers, Abraham, B.S. (talk) 06:04, 24 October 2008 (UTC)


 * GA review (see here for criteria)


 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose): b (MoS):
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (references): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * Would it be possible to expand on the duties Drummond proformed while on the hospital ship at Gallipoli? It just seems a little too blunt and sparce in that area at the moment.
 * "He was based in the Sudan in 1920-21, putting down local rebellions." - This section is a little confusing. Would it be possible to expand what the rebellions were, and a little more on what Drummond's role was?
 * Very little else on these subjects but will add a phrase or two more where I can. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 11:45, 24 October 2008 (UTC)
 * Actioned - let me know what you think. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 14:49, 24 October 2008 (UTC)
 * Looks good now. Nice work. Abraham, B.S. (talk) 23:30, 24 October 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * Pass/Fail:

Other comments
The following a just simply suggestions for article improvement, and are not required for GA.


 * The subheading "Deputy Air Officer Commanding-in-Chief Middle East and candidate for RAAF leadership" is quite long, and looks quite strange in the contents box compared to the others. I don't think "candidate for RAAF leadership" is particularily necessary in the heading, so perhaps just shorten it to "Deputy Air Officer Commanding-in-Chief Middle East".
 * Agree, only put the second bit in because occupies a fair bit of copy in the section but he was Deputy AOC-in-C while that went on so happy to have another opinion to drop it. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 11:45, 24 October 2008 (UTC)


 * In regards to the succession box, as you know, I prefer to add the ranks of the person who preceded and succeeded to the position, as I believe it adds a little more clarification that it is a military post/position and greater understanding to the responder. Perhaps you could consider doing the same with this article?
 * I don't have an issue with this particularly and it seems to have taken hold in Australian military bio articles but don't believe it's std in British military ones, so I don't think it should we should put it in this one unless we're prepared to apply it to similar British articles. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 11:45, 24 October 2008 (UTC)
 * I think I may have seen one or two with the ranks added, but it's up to your own discretion. Cheers, Abraham, B.S. (talk) 23:30, 24 October 2008 (UTC)


 * One more thing I forgot to add: you have Drummond credited with 7½ victories split between three sources, two of which credit him with 8. Truthfully, I would state 8 victories and remove the ADB reference, as ½ victories were not credited in WWI; it was either a whole victory or none at all, even if it was shared.

Cheers, Abraham, B.S. (talk) 06:04, 24 October 2008 (UTC)


 * Thanks for reviewing. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 14:49, 24 October 2008 (UTC)
 * You are very welcome. I am now satisfied that this article meets the GA criteria, and I am promoting it as such. Congratulations! Abraham, B.S. (talk) 23:30, 24 October 2008 (UTC)