Talk:Peter Evans (swimmer)

GA On Hold
Examples of paragraphs lack a clear, single focus:
 * First paragraph of early years
 * Second paragraph of National debut
 * Changes made.  Blnguyen  ( vote in the photo straw poll ) 08:36, 11 March 2008 (UTC)

Examples of non-varied sentences:
 * The first paragraph of "US college career" starts 6 sentences in a row with "Evans..."
 * First para of "International farewell" uses the word "however" three times; one use is probably a maximum for a paragraph. Try to rephrase the other uses or replace with synonyms.
 * Changes made.  Blnguyen  ( vote in the photo straw poll ) 08:36, 11 March 2008 (UTC)

Statements that need a reference:
 * David Haller's status as "best breaststroke coach in the world" in lead.
 * Evans' "vow" in "National debut"
 * Done both, the Haller thing in the lead doesn't say best, but I just changed it to note that he was the coach of the Olympic champion.  Blnguyen  ( vote in the photo straw poll ) 07:30, 11 March 2008 (UTC)

POV issues:
 * "Mark Tonelli realised that only the sportspeople would suffer from a boycott and that trade relations would continue unabated." This phrasing is POV as it describes the situation from Tonelli's perspective. Try rephrasing or ideally attribute the rationale to a direct quote by Tonelli.
 * Tweaked.  Blnguyen  ( vote in the photo straw poll ) 07:24, 11 March 2008 (UTC)


 * At the end of "Moscow Olympics", the article says "Evans did not wish to stay any longer in the Soviet capital than was necessary". How do we know what Evans' wishes were? Consider either attributing the statement to someone or even removing the detail of Evans' movements after the olympics—it strikes me as not notable flavour more appropriate for a biography than an encyclopedia.
 * Chopped as irrelevant.  Blnguyen  ( vote in the photo straw poll ) 07:24, 11 March 2008 (UTC)

Other comments
 * In the second paragraph of "Moscow Olympics", when calling 200m the "non-preferred distance", is this referring to a general opinion or just Evan's preference?
 * Well yes, earlier in the article, he noted himself that he preferred shorter races. Also his results in shorter races are superior, as demonstrated by the results and rankings in the article.  Blnguyen  ( vote in the photo straw poll '') 07:42, 11 March 2008 (UTC)


 * In the first sentence of the second paragraph of the Relay victory section, I find it unclear what the clause "before noting that Goodhew was astounded by his posturing" refers to. Was Evans noting this? Who to, Goodhew? How to Evans know the Goodhew was astounded or what he was astounded by?
 * Noted. Changed to point out that Evans thought that he scored a few mental points on Goodhew.  Blnguyen  ( vote in the photo straw poll ) 07:42, 11 March 2008 (UTC)


 * From the second to last sentence in that section, "but the Lord Mayor of Fremantle hosted it instead", what is the "it" referring to?
 * Fixed, a mess up by myself.  Blnguyen  ( vote in the photo straw poll '') 07:42, 11 March 2008 (UTC)


 * "...being headed by..." is this proper usage to mean "being beaten by"? I've not heard it before, but perhaps it's Australian usage?
 * Tweaked.  Blnguyen  ( vote in the photo straw poll '') 07:42, 11 March 2008 (UTC)

(all of the above) --jwandersTalk 21:56, 2 March 2008 (UTC)


 * I tweaked the thing for the blue. The article explains the "half" variant.  Blnguyen  ( vote in the photo straw poll ) 07:24, 11 March 2008 (UTC)


 * Well, it's been three weeks since he put it on hold, and you've fixed everything he's wanted. I'd like to see some of the redlinks handled myself, but that's my onyl issue with the article. I'll pass this in 12 hours or so unless he comes back, GAN's very backlogged as it is without all these on hold. Wizardman  02:04, 24 March 2008 (UTC)
 * I've went and passed it. If the original reviewer disagrees strongly, then it can be taken to GAR. It was on hold for three weejs though, and while I understand we all have life commitments, we can't hold articles hostage as a result. Wizardman  16:15, 24 March 2008 (UTC)

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