Talk:Peter Matthews (artist)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Ceranthor (talk · contribs) 19:11, 12 April 2018 (UTC)

I'll be reviewing this.  ceran  thor 19:11, 12 April 2018 (UTC)


 * Heads up, I expanded the lead (not easy when the whole thing is no bigger than the screen itself!) and found / corrected a couple of typos. Take care, —SerialNumber54129  paranoia / cheap shit room 12:02, 14 April 2018 (UTC)


 * Lead
 * "often floating on Ocean or submerged in ocean" - floating "on Ocean"? What does that mean?
 * "He spends long periods this way" - any reference mention how long he typically spends in the water?
 * "allowing the movement of the ocean and its waves paint pictures for him" - "to" needed before paint
 * "long English tradition of maritime art," - does this refer to marine art, or a different concept?
 * "whilst his abstract style has been compared with Jasper Johns." - "to" would work better than "with" here, I think
 * "Matthews' work has been exhibited internationally as well as being used to illustrate aspects of scientific research in marine biology" - need punctuation...


 * Background
 * "It is to these explorations that he ascribes his attraction to solitude, what he described in an interview with BBC News as the "mysterious and omnipresent call of the wild."[2] " - no need to write this in a somewhat pretentious way - "It is to...". A little more prosaic phrasing would help
 * "and how his maternal grandfather "sold fish in Leicester, so I like to think it's in my roots," Matthews has said." - grammar
 * "Although he rejects being described as a Nature Artist,[3]" - tweak so that this links to environmental art, since nature art is a redirect
 * "has been identified as part of a long tradition of British artists' fascination with the maritime, from Turner's Fishermen at Sea and Snow Storm: Steam-Boat off a Harbour's Mouth, or Constable's Seascape Study with Rain Clouds, while Andrew Friend, a contemporary of Matthews,' also takes an immersive approach to is seascapes.[6][7]" - run-on sentence. Split into two.
 * "He was originally inspired to work as he does" - surely there's a more concise way to put this

Prose needs some work before this is ready to become a GA. Here are some initial comments from the first two sections.  ceran  thor 15:50, 17 April 2018 (UTC)
 * Many thanks for those detailed suggestions; with this edit I've hopefully addressed and incorporated them. Let me know what you think. Cheers, —SerialNumber54129  paranoia / cheap sh*t room 18:29, 17 April 2018 (UTC)

Dangers Matthews' work has encountered has included being buried on a beach by a mudslide (never to be found again)[2] " - little unclear from the composition of the sentence that you're referring solely to his paintings and not Matthews himself too. I'd just tweak it a bit, since the next sentence is more clear about this.
 * Technique
 * "Matthews works by spending "hours, sometimes days"[2] floating or submerging[3] in the ocean" - don't think the quote about hours and days is necessary - you can use those terms and just cite the source. I'd rewrite this in your own words
 * "His intention in working in this manner is, it has been said, to attempt to capture the state of suspension people feel while they are bobbing in the water, as well as, he says," - too much verbiage. Cut it down. And I'd separate this into two sentences.
 * Mudslide redirects to mudflow
 * " jellyfish" - think you mean jellyfish stings, which might make more sense to include alongside the bites.
 * "As a result, his working method has been described "eccentric."[3] " - missing an "as" here
 * Might be worthwhile to link tripod
 * "To get himself in the mindset to create his With the Forces of the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans, " - I assume you mean a painting, but it would help to mention that here.

“” Matthews' has created his work in the earth's oceans, Cornwall, Hawaii,[1] and Taiwan.[5] " - What does this have to do with his reception?
 * Reception
 * ""Big grey seals often pop up," says Matthews, who has been working for years around the Lizard Peninsula in Cornwall, wild-camping on the cliffs near Coverack. "When I'm exhausted and lie on the rocks to try and generate a bit of heat, the seals come up really close. Those unexpected things in nature are fascinating."[3]
 * " He has exhibited internationally, with prices in the Saatchi Gallery reaching thousands of pounds.[2]" - do you mean that they sold for high prices? Unclear.
 * "He has also exhibited in Wirksworth, Turin, Dortmund, Folkestone,[3][1] and Laguna Beach.[5]" - not him, but his paintings have exhibited... or maybe just his work has been exhibited in...
 * "He has lectured for university audiences,[4]" - where?
 * "and as "mind-boggling oceanography with Native American mythology, plus a splash of quirky inventiveness"[5] and "nervously textured."" - I think these can be moved to a separate sentence.
 * "His work has also been used as an example of how popular interest in subjects such as marine biology and maritime history can be developed and encouraged.[4]" - where, and by whom?


 * Background
 * "Andrew Friend, a contemporary of Matthews,' also takes an immersive approach to is seascapes.[6][7]" - do you mean "his" seascapes? Also, if you're going to cite from a book, you need to provide a page number if possible.


 * Quotes and Images
 * Blockquotes on the sides are a nice touch.
 * If any free images are available, that would be a nice addition to the article. Right now, it's all text!


 * Sources
 * Generally look fine. My one objection: saatchiart.com hardly seems like a reliable source. Could you find the education info elsewhere, perhaps?

More comments pending, once these are finished.  ceran  thor 18:55, 17 April 2018 (UTC)
 * Thanks again, see this edit. Just to expand on a couple of things; split up a few sentences, for ex, and utilised of your tweaks / suggestions. I've put in a picture of one of his paintings—I though we could probably claim fair use since his technique is the main reason he's notable (in fact, tbh, I assume it's the only reason he's famous at all!)—I'm a bit out of my depth with copyright stuff, but think I got the bases covered. Good idea that. The only problem I think, is the one thing you object to—Saatch.com verifying his dates. Unfortunately I haven't been able to find the information anywhere—odd really. Not even his own website. Any suggestions? Thanks for everything so far!  —SerialNumber54129  paranoia / cheap sh*t room 10:44, 18 April 2018 (UTC)
 * I think you should remove the education info, as Saatchi doesn't seem reliable enough to cite here. Otherwise, I think this is pretty much ready to pass.  ceran  thor 20:17, 19 April 2018 (UTC)
 * Agree; removed. I bet in the future, when he becomes *more* famous the info will become available :) 20:32, 19 April 2018 (UTC)
 * Passing now. Good work!  ceran  thor 00:35, 23 April 2018 (UTC)
 * No, thank you, —a pleasure doing doing business with you! 🐾 —SerialNumber54129  paranoia / cheap sh*t room 10:03, 23 April 2018 (UTC)