Talk:Peter Molydeux/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Jaguar (talk · contribs) 16:52, 20 January 2016 (UTC)

LMAO he has an OBE and a parody Twitter account. JAG UAR   16:52, 20 January 2016 (UTC)

Initial comments

 * "Adam Capone created a Twitter account, @PeterMolydeux" - is that @ symbol generally accepted in encyclopaedic format? I don't know, ignore this if I'm wrong
 * "The account became a touchpoint for people in the game industry interested in such games" - which such games? A specific genre hasn't been identified at this point
 * "Capone was inspired by Molyneux's games as a kid" - informal, try child
 * "by the open choice structure of the 1994 Theme Park" - 1994 simulation game Theme Park
 * "In 2011, he began to post video pitches" - video pitches?
 * "Characters in his parody tweets include mock interns and family" - who's family?
 * "The event, known then as What Would Molydeux? and later as Molyjam" - comma needed before 'and'
 * "multisite event, with satellite" - replace comma with semi-colon
 * "locations in the Netherlands, New York City, and Melbourne in 32 total locations" - 'and Melbourne in in 32 total locations' doesn't make sense
 * "While most games tended to consist of normal game mechanics" - link game mechanics
 * "The game designer found the parody "truly amazing"" - wait, who found it amazing? Molyneux himself?
 * Giant Bomb doesn't need to be italicised
 * " and led to his Molyjam keynote" - Molyjam keynote? I don't know what Keynote means
 * I would advise merging the last two paragraphs of the Reception into one
 * "When the player kills someone in one game, the player sees images of their crying children in other games, such as FIFA" - you can't kill people in FIFA
 * The Content section should be fine for GA. I don't know about FAC though
 * No dead links
 * Consider splitting the references into two columns

On hold
The Twitter parody made me laugh. At first I wasn't too sure about the Content section but it should be fine as it's related. Once all of the above are clarified I'll take another look at this, but all in all it's a comprehensive article for the subject. It's funny, at its peak my personal Twitter account had 17k followers (which was more than Molydeux a few years ago), but now it's dropped a thousand. I can't link it because it has my real name in it, mwhahao. JAG UAR   17:27, 20 January 2016 (UTC)
 * Are these pings working? Do I have to use an uppercase 'C' for 'czar'? JAG  UAR   18:09, 23 January 2016 (UTC)
 * , I think either is fine (my tab with the in-progress edits was just buried under dozens of others...) Thanks for the review and glad you enjoyed it. I think I've addressed the above if you'll take a look. The "@account" should be fine since it's how the account is known (and how Wired put it). known then as What Would Molydeux? and later as Molyjam is itself the parenthetical, so I don't think it needs the extra comma. Giant Bomb is being used as a creative news outlet, so that's why it's italicized. The Molyjam keynote was described in the history, but I beefed it up. Rest should be clarified in-text or are otherwise noted. czar  19:08, 23 January 2016 (UTC)
 * Sorry for the pings. I thought that lowercase pings didn't work. Anyway, with all of them done, this is good to go.  JAG  UAR   13:56, 24 January 2016 (UTC)