Talk:Peter Parker (Insomniac Games character)/GA2

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Abryn (talk · contribs) 09:33, 11 September 2019 (UTC)


 * GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)


 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):  d (copyvio and plagiarism):
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:

Lead
 * "Marvel Gamerverse" is uncited and unexplained, as a non-comics fan I have no idea what this means
 * Fixed. Better compromise? Jhenderson  7 7 7  00:35, 18 September 2019 (UTC)
 * "The originally derived video game character" - Can be shortened to "The character," as readers already know that Spider-Man was originally a video game character.
 * ✅. Jhenderson  7 7 7  00:35, 18 September 2019 (UTC)
 * "two primary signature suits" primary is redundant
 * Better? Jhenderson 7 7 7  00:43, 18 September 2019 (UTC)
 * The suit descriptions feel a little wordy in the lead.
 * How is it now? Jhenderson  7 7 7  00:43, 18 September 2019 (UTC)
 * When you switch between two people, make sure to clarify that the switch happened. As it is, "He is depicted" can imply that the "He" is Granov.
 * ✅. Jhenderson  7 7 7  00:46, 18 September 2019 (UTC)
 * "within the multiverse of the shared universe" I understand what this means, but it reads a little weird. Try phrasing it as "within the comics' multiverse" instead.
 * Try to condense the two sentences in the lead about his comic appearances into one, like: "The character was later established in as an alternate version of Spider-Man within the Marvel Comics' multiverse with a book adaption and spinoff comic book series."
 * Change "has received a widely positive reception critically" to "has been well-received."
 * Change "their" to "its" as the subject is about Insomniac's take, not Insomniac itself.
 * The mention of the reception received for the character's maturity feels like it could be pared down. Consider replacing "Insomniac's take on the superhero has received a widely positive reception critically for their work on the older and more mature role in comparison to to other adaptions of the character" with "Insomniac's more mature take on the character was well received".
 * "The character was marketed around early 2018 during the hype of the superhero video game release in the PlayStation 4" Feels a little fluffy, recommend removing from lead.

Creation


 * "but the team's final choice was to adapt Spider-Man in his own video game," Drop "in his own video game" as it is implied in the previous text.
 * "Spider-Man then became the first licensed property by Insomniac in 22 years." Change to "Spider-Man was the first licensed property by Insomniac in 22 years."
 * "Paquette is cited to commonly subscribed to Spider-Man (The Amazing Spider-Man and Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man) and also Thor comic books at the "boonies" at a younger age before his time attending film school." Unnecessary, removal suggested.
 * "Alongside Paquette, the story was written by Ben Arfman and Kelsey Beachum." Consider mentioning their roles in the first sentence of this paragraph. ie, "a team of writers, including Ben Arfman and Kelsey Beachum,"
 * "Insomniac researched different iterations of the character to understand what made a compelling Spider-Man story, after which Paquette said "okay let's forget all that stuff", aiming to not draw too much from any single version." Change to "Insomniac researched different iterations of the character to understand what made a compelling Spider-Man story, though Paquette aimed to avoid drawing too much from any one version."
 * Source attached to Peter's origin doesn't clarify that the spider was radioactive, so perhaps just drop radioactive from there.

Summary


 * First sentence feels like it has too many adjectives. Try to pare it down to words that can cover more things at once. For instance, intelligence and brightness are too similar. Consider: "Peter Parker was a withdrawn outcast in his high school years, though he was intelligent and sincere." Feels less like it's listing qualities.
 * "who gained spider-like superhuman abilities after being bitten by a genetically-modified spider during a field trip. Employing a secret identity, Parker uses these abilities to protect the citizens of New York City as the superhero Spider-Man, in order to atone for his paternal uncle/foster father: Ben Parker's murder at the hands of a robber, something for which he was partially responsible and which constantly haunts him, after initially attempting to use his abilities for personal gain." Start this off as its own sentence, perhaps add after field trip: "where he assumed the alter ego Spider-Man." Pare down the rest of the text into "He initially used his power for selfish reasons, but came to be more selfless after his actions contributed to his Uncle Ben Parker's murder at the hands of a robber." Also, you call the spider radioactive earlier and genetically-modified here. I would suggest either using radioactive as it's what people generally recognize the spider as being or removing the qualifiers altogether.
 * "Parker is supported by his Aunt May who volunteers at the F.E.A.S.T. homeless shelter run by philanthropist Martin Li." The explanation of what Aunt May does and associates with isn't directly relevant to the article.
 * "Spider-Man's adventure brings him into contact with other characters, including an Afro-Puerto-Rican-American teenager: Miles Morales [5] and his parents, NYPD Officer Jefferson Davis and Rio Morales, OsCorp CEO and New York mayor Norman Osborn[20] and Silver Sablinova, leader of the private military company Sable International.[5]" This all can be dropped, as it doesn't relate to his character, while the previous ones demonstrating close relationships (Aunt May, Mary Jane, and Doc Oc) do.

Appearances


 * "Gage felt that "it seemed like a perfect time" to bring the character into mainstream comic books." Feels a little unnecessary; the perfect time would obviously be around the release of the video game.
 * In general, you should cut out anything beyond the main artists and main writers of comics, as it goes too in depth on the materials for the article. Also drop Mary Jane's importance to the plot as it is not directly related to Spider-Man, at least not in the text.
 * The last paragraph is outdated and writes it as if Velocity has not released yet.

Merchandising and marketing


 * "Around the release of the game, PlayStation 4 Pro bundles included official skins of the character's logo entitled "Amazing Red"." This is related to the game and not the character.
 * "Artwork dedicated by famed comic book artist, Alex Ross, depicting the character was featured by Game Informer even before the game release. " Same deal.
 * "The character was also spotlighted in a blockbuster style commercial in an 2018 NFL Draft Thursday night premiere of American Football by NBC." Same deal.

Reception
 * My initial concern is that the reception is fairly light in terms of the number of perspectives offered, but my main concern is that few of the citations seem to be mainly about the character. Such a thing implies that he may not be notable outside of the context of his game. Is it at all possible to find sources that more directly discuss him and not just discuss him as a consequence of discussing his game?

Images

The second fair use image uses the rationale an image would use if it was in the infobox.


 * I will work on this when I am not busy. Jhenderson  7 7 7  01:46, 13 September 2019 (UTC)


 * Tomorrow for sure. Sorry for the wait. Jhenderson  7 7 7  21:14, 15 September 2019 (UTC)

I'm going to fail this article, as it has been a fair amount of time and the issues are fairly numerous and major, I think. - Bryn (talk) (contributions) 02:48, 29 September 2019 (UTC)


 * That’s ok. I have been burnt out for Wikipedia for a bit and and stay regularly busy too. But I am pretty sure I could fix your reviews if I felt like it and still will when I am active again. Jhenderson  7 7 7  04:40, 29 September 2019 (UTC)