Talk:Philip Treacy/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 15:18, 15 April 2020 (UTC)

Comments That's it for me, so it's on hold for now. Cheers. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 12:55, 17 April 2020 (UTC)
 * "haute couture milliner," sea of blue.
 * No need to link places like London.
 * Move footnotes and references out of the lead.
 * "Paris haute couture shows" what are these? Is there a link?  Do they have a name?
 * ✅ - added WP link
 * Could link "fascinator".
 * "wearing his own creation" surely "one of his own creations"?
 * Is his preferred "hat-designer" hyphenated (per lead) or not (per infobox)?
 * ✅, no hyphen needed
 * No need to link "wedding".
 * Isn't Catholic capitalised?
 * "a 6-week" six-week.
 * 1987 graduation from NCAD isn't mentioned in the prose.
 * "Treacy designed" I think it would read better with "had" in there.
 * "record attendance" record for what?
 * ✅, took this out, the source calls it "record", but does not clarify what it means.
 * "Blow. [..] " check MOS:ELLIPSIS and MOS:QUOTE 'cos that don't look quite right to me?
 * ✅, replaced with ...
 * "In 1991, Treacy, aged.... " this sentence has too many run-ons for me.
 * ✅ - re-structured this sentence
 * Not sure why so much reasonable and relevant detail has been confined to footnotes?
 * ✅, agree on reflection - have added all of g and some of b into the article.
 * "his first of five" -> "the first of his five"?
 * "In 1993, Treacy" quick repeat style, why not "Two years later, he ..."?
 * "Treacy designed the Beauxbatons hats for Harry Potter in 2005" this is a sentence so takes a full stop, and do you really mean to link to the franchise rather than the movie series, or better still, the actual movie?
 * Harvey Nicks doesn't need italics.
 * Le Bon, not le Bon.
 * "which were all " => "all of which were"
 * "right beside Isabella " -> "next door to..."?
 * McQueen is overlinked.
 * " Givenchy Haute Couture " if this is one thing, don't double link it. If this isn't one thing, haute couture isn't capitalised.
 * ✅, no need for haute couture here
 * Lagerfeld and Chanel overlinked.
 * "Rifat Ozbek " our article has no diacritic.
 * "of haute couture," now in small, and italics. Overlnked.
 * ✅, re-worked sentence
 * "ncluding Harry Potter" should be something like "including the Harry Potter film series".
 * The Goblet of Fire should be italics.
 * And for its proper title, it ought to be spelt out: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
 * "premières" no accent required.
 * Not only does the Super Bowl 2012 show have an article, it's a good one - see Super Bowl XLVI halftime show.
 * ✅, nice one !
 * "telephone-shaped headpiece with a removable handset" etc why italics?
 * " Friday Night with Jonathan Ross " italics.
 * 2010 Grammys also can be found at 52nd Annual Grammy Awards.
 * Naomi overlinked.
 * Hurricane tour could be linked per Hurricane (Grace Jones album).
 * ✅, wow, amazing what WP has :)
 * "Treacy had previously written a piece for The Guardian" any reason this is in the Wider fashion section?
 * I wondered what to do with this as I didn't have a natural section for it – I felt "wider fashion" was the least-worst, and comes deeper into the article when it is more interesting to have him reflect on his work? I don't have a conviction on this either way?
 * "the 29 April 2011 Royal wedding of Prince William and Catherine Middleton,[34] i" I would simply do "the Wedding of Prince William and Catherine Middleton."
 * "on the 22 " no need for the.
 * "Radio 4 Desert Island Discs interview" -> "Desert Island Discs interview on BBC Radio 4"
 * "Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge" is overlinked (unless you took my advice three points back).
 * ✅, I did !
 * Megan is Meghan.
 * And given the preceding luminaries, you could just say Meghan, Duchess of Sussex.
 * "the Queen with" I'd be explicit and call her Elizabeth II.
 * Awards and Personal life slip a little into proseline.
 * ✅, reworked these sections
 * " In April 2006, he was awarded a Doctorate of Fine Arts" infobox said 2004.
 * ✅, it is 2006
 * You abbreviate UCD but never use it.
 * ✅, gone
 * note g needs reference.
 * ✅, now note f
 * " Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall" is overlinked.
 * "he Metropolitan Museum of Art" overlinked.
 * "Grace Jones " overlinked.
 * Why those specific four milliners for the See also?
 * ✅, reduced it to the two main other British milliners
 * Avoid SHOUTING in ref titles.
 * A couple of spaced hyphens in the refs should  be en-dashes (38, 52).
 * Category says he's from Ballinasloe but that's not mentioned explicitly, other than in ref 1.
 * ✅, inserted into the body, my understanding is that his tiny village of Ahascragh, would be considered part of wider Ballinasloe in Ireland.
 * ✅, wow, amazing what WP has :)
 * "Treacy had previously written a piece for The Guardian" any reason this is in the Wider fashion section?
 * I wondered what to do with this as I didn't have a natural section for it – I felt "wider fashion" was the least-worst, and comes deeper into the article when it is more interesting to have him reflect on his work? I don't have a conviction on this either way?
 * "the 29 April 2011 Royal wedding of Prince William and Catherine Middleton,[34] i" I would simply do "the Wedding of Prince William and Catherine Middleton."
 * "on the 22 " no need for the.
 * "Radio 4 Desert Island Discs interview" -> "Desert Island Discs interview on BBC Radio 4"
 * "Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge" is overlinked (unless you took my advice three points back).
 * ✅, I did !
 * Megan is Meghan.
 * And given the preceding luminaries, you could just say Meghan, Duchess of Sussex.
 * "the Queen with" I'd be explicit and call her Elizabeth II.
 * Awards and Personal life slip a little into proseline.
 * ✅, reworked these sections
 * " In April 2006, he was awarded a Doctorate of Fine Arts" infobox said 2004.
 * ✅, it is 2006
 * You abbreviate UCD but never use it.
 * ✅, gone
 * note g needs reference.
 * ✅, now note f
 * " Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall" is overlinked.
 * "he Metropolitan Museum of Art" overlinked.
 * "Grace Jones " overlinked.
 * Why those specific four milliners for the See also?
 * ✅, reduced it to the two main other British milliners
 * Avoid SHOUTING in ref titles.
 * A couple of spaced hyphens in the refs should  be en-dashes (38, 52).
 * Category says he's from Ballinasloe but that's not mentioned explicitly, other than in ref 1.
 * ✅, inserted into the body, my understanding is that his tiny village of Ahascragh, would be considered part of wider Ballinasloe in Ireland.
 * "Grace Jones " overlinked.
 * Why those specific four milliners for the See also?
 * ✅, reduced it to the two main other British milliners
 * Avoid SHOUTING in ref titles.
 * A couple of spaced hyphens in the refs should  be en-dashes (38, 52).
 * Category says he's from Ballinasloe but that's not mentioned explicitly, other than in ref 1.
 * ✅, inserted into the body, my understanding is that his tiny village of Ahascragh, would be considered part of wider Ballinasloe in Ireland.
 * A couple of spaced hyphens in the refs should  be en-dashes (38, 52).
 * Category says he's from Ballinasloe but that's not mentioned explicitly, other than in ref 1.
 * ✅, inserted into the body, my understanding is that his tiny village of Ahascragh, would be considered part of wider Ballinasloe in Ireland.
 * ✅, inserted into the body, my understanding is that his tiny village of Ahascragh, would be considered part of wider Ballinasloe in Ireland.

Reply

Many thanks again, for a very thorough review and great comments. I have been able to address them all, and just have one question above? Look forward to hearing from you. Britishfinance (talk) 15:46, 17 April 2020 (UTC)
 * All good, I'm happy to promote it. Nice work.  The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 08:54, 18 April 2020 (UTC)
 * Thank you for that! Britishfinance (talk) 09:25, 18 April 2020 (UTC)