Talk:Picture Book (song)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 09:31, 25 July 2022 (UTC)

I will get on with this article today! --K. Peake 09:31, 25 July 2022 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

 * Per infoboxes not being the place for more prose-style content, change the release date to January 1969
 * Done


 * Pipe Pye to Pye Records in the infobox
 * I think it should be fine by WP:NOTBROKEN, since Pye Studios may get its own page someday.


 * Mention in the first sentence that is it from their sixth studio album, The Kinks Are the Village Green Preservation Society (1968).
 * Added.


 * The first para of the lead is poorly ordered; the second sentence should mention Ray Davies wrote and sung it as well as the recording year, followed by the release sentence and finally comp and lyrics
 * Is there any guidance anywhere on this? It feels to me more like a personal preference. I think it makes sense to have it flow chronologically – who wrote it, what they wrote it to be about, then when and how it was recorded.


 * Regarding the second sentence, I would suggest adding "the song was recorded in May 1968" after the comma following Ray Davies
 * See above.


 * "its lyrics describe the experience of" → "The lyrics describe the experience of" unless it is merged with the comp sentence, then depending on the context you could use its lyrics
 * Changed to "the song's lyrics".


 * "its cheerful sound is defined" → "The song's cheerful sound is defined"
 * Done.


 * Pipe B-side to A-side and B-side
 * Done.


 * "though it failed to" → "though failed to"
 * Done.


 * "it has subsequently become" → "the song has subsequently become"
 * Done.


 * "to its use a" → "to usage in a"
 * Done.


 * "using its riff in" → "featuring the riff in"
 * Done.


 * "consider it one of the song's" → "consider it one of the songs" but where is this part sourced?
 * The last two sentences in the background and composition section.


 * "has since been covered by the Young Fresh Fellows." → "was covered by the Young Fresh Fellows in 1989."
 * Done.

Background and composition

 * "Decades after its composition" are you sure this is the correct phrasing, rather than decades after completion or something similar?
 * There was another ambiguity there, so I just reworded the whole sentence. How is this? The Kinks' principal songwriter, Ray Davies, reflected in 2002 that when he wrote "Picture Book" he did not initially intend for the track to be a Kinks song given the personal content.


 * "Ray Davies reflected that" → "lead singer Ray Davies reflected that"
 * His status as principal songwriter seems more important to me than his load singing status – I added that to the above sentence as well.


 * "for it to be a Kinks song given its personal content." → "for the track to be a Kinks song given the personal content."
 * Added.


 * "The song is an example of pop music," → "Musically, "Picture Book" is a pop song,"
 * Done.


 * "its lyrics do not" → "the lyrics do not"
 * Done.


 * "It features barbershop-like harmonies" → "The song features barbershop-like harmonies"
 * Done.


 * "Davies sings "scooby dooby doo"" → "Ray sings "scooby dooby doo"" per MOS:SAMESURNAME
 * Done.


 * "something Dave Davies remembered arising" is this referring to the line or the song? Please specify...
 * Clarified.


 * Wikilink jazz
 * Done.


 * Wikilink guitar riff
 * Done.


 * "and its lyrics which" → "and the lyrics which"
 * Done.


 * "a long time ago."" → "a long time ago"." per MOS:QUOTE
 * Done.


 * "centring around a" → "focusing on a" or something similar, to be less repetitive
 * Done.

Recording

 * Quote box looks good!
 * First para looks good!
 * "Ray Davies later said had a" → "Davies later said he had a"
 * Fixed.


 * "as Davies searched for" → "as the lead singer searched for"
 * In this context, his status as the song's producer seems more relevant, but I think it's clearer to just leave it as "Davies", no?

Release and legacy

 * "was among the tracks Ray Davies" → "was among the tracks Davies"
 * Done.


 * "though the project as aborted" → "though the project was aborted"
 * Done.


 * "featured on both" → "was featured on both"
 * Done.


 * "in the UK" → "in the United Kingdom"
 * Done.


 * Pipe New Musical Express to NME
 * Pipe Ultratip to Ultratop
 * This and the above are another case of WP:NOTBROKEN, I think, though I had a typo of Ultra instead of Ultratop which I've fixed.


 * "issued the same single there" → "issued the same single in the United States"
 * Fixed.


 * Quote box looks good!
 * "Stewart Mason of AllMusic calls" → "Stewart Mason of AllMusic called" with the wikilink
 * Fixed.


 * "It subsequently became" → "The song subsequently became"
 * Fixed.


 * Remove comma after 2000 single
 * Done.


 * "Mason writes the song's" → "Mason wrote the song's"
 * Done.


 * "and critic Rob Sheffield calls it" → "and Rolling Stone critic Rob Sheffield called the song" with the wikilink
 * Done.

Personnel

 * Retitle to Credits and personnel
 * Why? The Songs WikiProject doesn't have guidance, but the Albums WikiProject just titles these sections WP:PERSONNEL. This is also used at many song FAs, like "I've Just Seen a Face" or "Hey Jude". Also, these aren't credits, it's a listing provided by some of the band's biographers. Like most '60s songs, the actual credits are pretty thin and don't extend beyond naming the producer and songwriter.


 * Pipe engineering to Audio engineer
 * Done.

Final comments and verdict

 * until all of the issues are fixed after this quick review! --K. Peake 10:38, 25 July 2022 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the review, . You have a great sense for simple, effective wording.  Tkbrett  (✉) 13:03, 25 July 2022 (UTC)
 * Kudos to you for the quick response, however the lead should be re-ordered still because writing and recording happened first therefore should come before comp and lyrics. Also, Davies' full name doesn't need to be used at the start of the second para of recording since he is the last of the family mentioned by here and avoid using the surname twice there to be less repetitive. Finally, if there's sub-headings, shouldn't you use the title credits and personnel? --K. Peake 15:17, 25 July 2022 (UTC)
 * , I rewrote the lead paragraph as suggested and fixed the MOS:SAMESURNAME mention. I think per the reasons I mentioned above, personnel is preferred – it's also done that way at the FAs "Hey Jude" and "Something", even with the subheadings being used.  Tkbrett  (✉) 15:27, 25 July 2022 (UTC)
 * ✅ now, I am fully acceptive of the personnel title after you justified with the FAs and fab job on fixing the issues! --K. Peake 15:38, 25 July 2022 (UTC)
 * Thanks very much. I appreciate the review!  Tkbrett  (✉) 16:16, 25 July 2022 (UTC)