Talk:Pilot (Friday Night Lights)/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Beloved  Freak  21:14, 23 July 2010 (UTC)
 * GA review (see here for criteria)

This is very close to being a good article. I don't know the show, I'm not American and I don't have a clue about football, but I enjoyed reading it nonetheless! I had a few issues with the prose, probably due to not being familiar with the sport. I'll list my main concerns first, followed by some suggestions which I'll leave up to you whether or not to take on board.
 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose): b (MoS):
 * Well written, just a few issues below
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (references): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):
 * One source query below
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * No problems here
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * Fair, neutral and balanced.
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * no problems here
 * 1) It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * Non-free image licensed with FU rationale. Some other potential images you could add.
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * Concerns
 * There are instances of "characterised" and "idolise" - are these correct spellings for American English? My Am. Eng. spellchecker doesn't like them but I didn't change them in case they are acceptable variations.
 * You're right, I've changed them.

Plot
 * Although the plot's a little long for a TV episode, I think that it's mostly fine because it's a pilot episode, and you're introducing so many characters. I found a slight problem towards the end, however. Now, I know nothing about American football (and not much about most sports tbh), but quite possibly a lot of readers will be in the same position, for example, if they click through to here after reading about their favourite actor. For a start, I think it would be a good idea to link some of the technical football terms to help. With regards to the last paragraph, I don't think you need quite so much detail. The  main points you need to convey are that to start with the other team is winning, then Street gets injured (while saving the game?), Saracen takes over and the Panthers win. I think it's good to mention the teams praying, and the loose end of Street's condition, but I don't think the actual game needs to be so detailed. I don't think it's necessary for understanding the rest of the article, and I think you risk losing the attention of readers who aren't football fans.
 * Ok, I've cut it down a bit and added a few wikilinks.

References
 * What makes Sleepless in Midland reliable?
 * It's probably not, fortunately I found a better source for the information.


 * The link checker claims a dead link, but it seems to work ok for me
 * The Hollywood Reporter one, right? Works fine for me too.


 * Could you make the dates in the references a consistent style? I was going to change them, but I wasn't sure which to change them to. Being a US-related topic, I'd personally make them all "month day, year"
 * They're consistent now. I chose "day month year", since the vast majority of the refs were already in this format. The others were just some that I had lifted from somewhere else without changing the format.

The following are just suggestions and will have no bearing on the GA passing or not.
 * Suggestions

Lead
 * Perhaps say what kind of show it is in the first sentence, eg. "Pilot" is the first episode of the sports drama television series Friday Night Lights.
 * Done


 * Where you've mentioned that some critics were concerned that the show wouldn't last, it might be worth saying that the show in fact went on for 4(?) seasons
 * Done, though I'm a bit concerned that this amounts to Novel synthesis ("see, they were all wrong!").


 * Consider linking the following: pilot episode (in the sentence "In the pilot episode, the team is preparing..."), Middle America (if that's what you mean)
 * Done

Plot
 * Further to my comments about the level of detail, I would consider linking the football terms for those of us that are clueless in that area. For example: interception, touchdown. Also, pep rally (being specifically N. American), NFL (perhaps spell this out). I see we don't have an article about "pee wee" - perhaps you could explain this slightly? I didn't really know what this meant. Perhaps, book club.
 * Done


 * Some of the language in the plot is a little informal and could be tightened up a little (eg. burger joint, "grilling him")
 * Done


 * "They assure her that, while Landry does not play, Matt gets virtually no playing time at all because of Street, but she still turns them away." - this doesn't seem quite right to me. The use of "while" seems to contrast Landry not playing with Matt hardly ever playing, but they both amount to the same thing in theis case, don't they? I don't know, I think it would be better with something like assure her that Landry does not play, and Matt gets virtually no playing time at all because of Street, but she still turns them away.
 * Yeah, you're probably right; changed.


 * I'm not totally comfortable with "We learn that coach Taylor..." as it seems a bit too self-referential. That might just be my personal taste though, I couldn't find anything on this in the MoS. Personally I would say something like It is revealed that coach Taylor..
 * You're absolutely right, and the relevant MOS guideline is Manual_of_Style. Changed.

Production
 * Perhaps link Austin
 * Done


 * Isn't "casting" part of "production"? I was surprised to see it under a level 2 heading
 * Changed


 * "Mack Brown ... plays a cameo in the pep rally scene ... according to Berg, "you've heard fathers for 33 years, so you ought to know what to say." - it's not immediately clear why this quote is relevant. I presume he played a father in the scene? If so, it might be worth stating that he had a cameo as someone's father
 * Not necessarily a father, but a member of the local community nonetheless. I've added that.

Casting
 * I see there are a few possibilities if you wanted to add another image of a cast member.
 * I was afraid of creating clutter with too many images in one section.

Reception
 * "While positively contrasting the show to other teen-age dramas..." - Can you "contrast to"? Should it be "contrast with"?
 * I think both are permissible, but "with" is probably better.


 * "Shales did have issues with the documentary style of show's camera style" - I'd try to avoid that repetition of "style"
 * Definitely; changed.

I'll put the article on hold to allow you to address the issues. Let me know if you have any questions.-- Beloved Freak  22:14, 23 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Thanks for a good and thorough review. I hope I've addressed all your concerns, if not let me know. And by the way, the series requires no prior knowledge of American football to be enjoyed (I'm far from an expert myself), and is much more about characters and plots than about the sport. You should give it a try, I think you'd enjoy it! Lampman (talk) 15:14, 29 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Thanks for putting the work into the article. I'm happy to list it now as a Good Article. I must admit, it didn't sound like my kind of thing, but having read the article, I think I would actually probably enjoy the show! I hope I get around to seeing it one day.-- Beloved Freak  15:48, 29 July 2010 (UTC)