Talk:Pink slime/GA3

GA Review
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Reviewer: Sainsf (talk · contribs) 05:54, 22 March 2016 (UTC)

Hi! I will review this. Adding all my comments shortly. Sainsf &lt;^&gt; Feel at home 05:54, 22 March 2016 (UTC)

Lead
✅ Sainsf  &lt;^&gt; Feel at home 13:46, 22 March 2016 (UTC)


 * In my opinion all facts in the lead should typically be mentioned in the main text as well, and the citations should go there.
 * This topic has been quite controversial, so for this particular article, it's likely best to also have inline citations to reliable sources right there in the lead. Removing them may cause confusion for readers, or a contestation of the statements in the lead per a lack of sources verifying content. North America1000 11:45, 22 March 2016 (UTC)


 * Link filler
 * It's unclear what you mean here by "Link filler". North America1000 11:47, 22 March 2016 (UTC)
 * I mean can "filler" be linked? Sainsf  &lt;^&gt; Feel at home 12:22, 22 March 2016 (UTC)
 * Won't work at this time in the article. The closest link is an article about a similar topic, but for animal food, at Filler (animal food). North America1000 13:24, 22 March 2016 (UTC)


 * What are trimmings?
 * It seems self-explanatory per the rest of the text, but to further clarify, I have provided linkage to the advanced meat recovery article, to provide further definition. (diff). North America1000 11:50, 22 March 2016 (UTC)


 *  the largest U.S. producer I think it would be helpful to add "of beef" here, just for clarity. Optional.
 * Added "of the additive" (diff). The company is the largest producer of the additive, not beef. North America1000 11:58, 22 March 2016 (UTC)


 * I think the article in general appears listy and choppy due to the numerous short paragraphs. You may disagree, but I feel we should combine paragraphs to make it look more interesting. I liked the presentation at Big King.
 * I have performed reorganization, which included the consolidation of content into larger paragraphs. North America1000 12:13, 22 March 2016 (UTC)
 * Thank you. Some consolidation would help in "Early use" and "Market response". Sainsf  &lt;^&gt; Feel at home 12:20, 22 March 2016 (UTC)
 * I feel that the Early use section is best left as-is, because it clearly demonstrates the chronology of the topic. Combining information here could have a negative effect of diluting the information and creating a minor form of synthesis. I have consolidated some information in the Market response section. North America1000 13:17, 22 March 2016 (UTC)

Contents
✅ Sainsf  &lt;^&gt; Feel at home 11:15, 25 March 2016 (UTC)


 * I think the apt name for this section would be "Manufacturing (or Production) and contents".
 * Makes sense. I have renamed the section to "Production and content" (diff). North America1000 12:16, 22 March 2016 (UTC)
 * ✅ Sainsf  &lt;^&gt; Feel at home 02:55, 24 March 2016 (UTC)


 * Link or explain trimmings, beef, roller press freezer, cell wall, additive, lean ground beef, cartilage
 * I think "trimmings" is self explanatory per content further up in the article, where Advanced meat recovery is linked under the moniker "beef trimmings". Beef seems to be too common of a term to need linking. I have expanded content describing the roller press freezer (diff). Linked cell wall. I linked additive, but further up in the article, in a section after the lead. I provided further clarification for lean beef in the section, which preceeds "lean ground beef". Linked cartilage. North America1000 11:04, 25 March 2016 (UTC)
 * Thank you. Sainsf  &lt;^&gt; Feel at home 11:15, 25 March 2016 (UTC)


 * Flash freezing is linked again as flash frozen
 * . Removed the second redundant internal link (diff). North America1000 11:38, 22 March 2016 (UTC)


 * Cattle looks too common to be linked
 * I'm aware of WP:OVERLINK, but because this topic is intrinsically related to beef products from cattle, I feel that the link is okay in this instance. North America1000 11:42, 22 March 2016 (UTC)
 * ✅ Sainsf  &lt;^&gt; Feel at home 02:55, 24 March 2016 (UTC)


 * BPI and Cargill should be mentioned by their full names and linked at first mention in the main text
 * ✅ per recent copy edits. North America1000 13:12, 22 March 2016 (UTC)


 * removing the melted fat by centrifugal force Better say centrifuge directly lest the reader should be left wondering how this happens.
 * ✅ I have clarified this by rewriting it to "... removing the melted fat by centrifugal force using a centrifuge ..." North America1000 16:22, 23 March 2016 (UTC)

Early use
✅ Sainsf  &lt;^&gt; Feel at home 17:08, 23 March 2016 (UTC)


 *  use of the basic technology What does "basic technology" mean?
 * Removed the word "basic", as an unnecessary adjective in this instance (diff). North America1000 12:25, 22 March 2016 (UTC)


 * USDA FSIS microbiologists  You have already mentioned the association between them, so we could simply say FSIS here.
 * ✅. North America1000 16:55, 23 March 2016 (UTC)


 * USDA FSIS microbiologists Carl Custer and Gerald Zirnstein... This line looks very long, can it be split?
 * Splitting it into two sentences could create ambiguity, and it's really not overly long. North America1000 16:56, 23 March 2016 (UTC)


 * process's effectiveness I think "the effectiveness of the disinfection process" looks better.
 * Makes sense. I rw it to "of the effectiveness and safety of the disinfection process". North America1000 16:59, 23 March 2016 (UTC)


 * occasions in which process adjustments Should "in" not be "on"?
 * I think it's clearer worded as-is. North America1000 17:02, 23 March 2016 (UTC)


 * , aired on April 12, 2011, To avoid so many commas can we say aired on 12 April 2011 without commas?
 * Most sources are based in the U.S., and the topic itself is also. U.S. uses Month/day/year format, which is consistent throughout the article. North America1000 13:28, 22 March 2016 (UTC)
 * ✅ I also removed two commas from the sentence, which weren't necessary (diff). North America1000 13:30, 22 March 2016 (UTC)


 * Oliver has stated I think it should be simply "stated".
 * ✅ Rw to "Oliver stated". North America1000 13:27, 22 March 2016 (UTC)


 * Link (or explain) connective tissue, pathogenic, anhydrous, The New York Times
 * ✅ Added links (diff), and also copy edited a bit after linking The New York Times (diff). North America1000 17:07, 23 March 2016 (UTC)

ABC News report
✅ Sainsf  &lt;^&gt; Feel at home 11:19, 25 March 2016 (UTC)


 * Link ABC News, ammonium hydroxide, ware (Market response)
 * Ammonium hydroxide is already linked earlier in the article. A link to ABC News is present. "Wares" does not have an article, because it's a simple word that is a dictionary definition. North America1000 17:10, 23 March 2016 (UTC)
 * Oh, sorry. ✅ Sainsf  &lt;^&gt; Feel at home 17:12, 23 March 2016 (UTC)


 *  the use of ammonium hydroxide is only one of several chemicals -->  ammonium hydroxide is only one of several chemicals 
 * ✅ (diff). Makes sense. North America1000 17:12, 23 March 2016 (UTC)


 * LFTB was referred to as We have discussed this naming of the product nowhere in the main text.
 * LFTB is short for "lean finely textured beef", which is stated in the lead. I have added to the full phrase here to further clarify ("Lean finely textured beef (LFTB) was referred to as ...") (diff). North America1000 17:29, 23 March 2016 (UTC)
 * ✅ Sainsf  &lt;^&gt; Feel at home 18:06, 23 March 2016 (UTC)


 *  USDA considered it as meat. Does meat need a link? You do not link it in the lead or at the first mention in the main text.
 * I think "meat" is too common of a term, as per WP:OVERLINK. North America1000 17:15, 23 March 2016 (UTC)
 * That is what I mean. Why is it linked in this line? Sainsf  &lt;^&gt; Feel at home 17:16, 23 March 2016 (UTC)
 * ✅ Whoops, missed that. Removed the link (diff). North America1000 17:31, 23 March 2016 (UTC)


 * One newspaper reported Which one?
 * ✅ Rw to "The Concord Monitor" (diff). North America1000 17:15, 23 March 2016 (UTC)


 * On March 25, 2012, "DMY" dates are typically used. Check throughout the article.
 * The topic is mostly reported in U.S. sources, and the topic itself is based in the U.S., which uses a Month/day/year format. As such, it is presently properly formatted. North America1000 12:57, 22 March 2016 (UTC)
 * ✅ Sainsf  &lt;^&gt; Feel at home 17:06, 23 March 2016 (UTC)


 * 72 customers, many over the course of one weekend and production decreased --> 72 customers and many over the course of one weekend; production decreased
 * I added a comma here, which actually made the sentence much more readable as-is. North America1000 11:07, 25 March 2016 (UTC)
 * ✅ Sainsf  &lt;^&gt; Feel at home 11:16, 25 March 2016 (UTC)


 * What is nadir?
 * ✅ Clarified (diff). North America1000 17:18, 23 March 2016 (UTC)


 *  About 80% of sales  % --> percent as written elsewhere
 * ✅ Makes sense in this instance. Rw to "80 percent" (diff). North America1000 12:48, 22 March 2016 (UTC)


 *  Plainview, Texas, links?
 * Added a link to Plainview, Texas. North America1000 17:19, 23 March 2016 (UTC)
 * ✅ Sainsf  &lt;^&gt; Feel at home 17:28, 23 March 2016 (UTC)


 * Many grocery stores and supermarkets Are links needed?
 * They're common terms, but the product is typically sold to end-consumer in these types of markets, so links here are helpful. North America1000 13:47, 22 March 2016 (UTC)
 * ✅ Sainsf  &lt;^&gt; Feel at home 17:06, 23 March 2016 (UTC)


 *  including the nation's three largest chains Their names? Largest as of when?
 * The article does not state the names of the grocery chains, so cannot add this. I have copy edited the article to further clarify: "including the nation's three largest chains, announced in March 2012 that ..." North America1000 11:10, 25 March 2016 (UTC)
 * ✅ Sainsf  &lt;^&gt; Feel at home 11:16, 25 March 2016 (UTC)


 * Duplink: United States Department of Agriculture (Market response)
 * Removed duplicate link (diff). North America1000 13:50, 22 March 2016 (UTC)


 * forty-seven of fifty states  Digits please.
 * ✅ Rw to "47 out of of 50 U.S. states" (diff). North America1000 13:52, 22 March 2016 (UTC)


 * Nebraska, and Iowa  links?
 * Unlikely necessary, as summarized at WP:OVERLINK. North America1000 12:49, 22 March 2016 (UTC)
 * ✅ Sainsf  &lt;^&gt; Feel at home 17:06, 23 March 2016 (UTC)


 * It is bullish  Link for bullish?
 * Probably best left as-is. Per WP:LINKSTYLE, "Items within quotations should not generally be linked... " North America1000 13:44, 22 March 2016 (UTC)
 * I have seen links in quotes in many other articles. It is in fact good to link in this case. If this is no absolute rule we can link bullish. Sainsf  &lt;^&gt; Feel at home 13:53, 22 March 2016 (UTC)
 * ✅ All right, linked bullish, which redirects to Market sentiment. May provide clarity for readers who may be unfamiliar with the term. North America1000 13:57, 22 March 2016 (UTC)


 * I think "U.S. Government response" can be better renamed as "Government response", this includes responses by different States and not just the national government's.
 * ✅ I agree, rw section header to: "Government response". North America1000 13:54, 22 March 2016 (UTC)


 * Link for Safeway? Optional
 * ✅. Linked Safeway (diff). North America1000 12:40, 22 March 2016 (UTC)


 * USDA commodity dollars What does this mean?
 * Rw/clarified by rewriting to "USDA commodity funds". Also added a link to commodity. North America1000 11:14, 25 March 2016 (UTC)
 * ✅ Sainsf  &lt;^&gt; Feel at home 11:17, 25 March 2016 (UTC)


 * Does school meal need a link?
 * ✅ Linked school lunches in the article (diff). North America1000 12:42, 22 March 2016 (UTC)


 * the United States Department of Agriculture (USDA) indicated This is another issue. Just say USDA every time once you have introduced it
 * ✅ The full name "United States Department of Agriculture" is now only in the lead and first paragraph. I have retained the full name in the image caption to promote clarity in the caption. North America1000 02:53, 24 March 2016 (UTC)


 * beginning in fall 2012 --> beginning in the fall of 2012
 * I think it's best left as-is. The suggestion above seems to add a bit of unnecessary wordiness. North America1000 17:21, 23 March 2016 (UTC)
 * Alright ✅ Sainsf  &lt;^&gt; Feel at home 17:27, 23 March 2016 (UTC)


 *  the United States Department of Agriculture (USDA) indicated, beginning in fall 2012 it would give school districts I think we need to fix some commas here.
 * (diff). North America1000 17:24, 23 March 2016 (UTC)


 * What is CBS?
 * ✅ Rw to CBS News. North America1000 12:53, 22 March 2016 (UTC)


 * BPI claimed $1.2 billion in damages as a result of the ABC reports Is this not a repetition of what is stated earlier in the para?
 * ✅ Yes, this was entirely repetitive, so I removed this repeat mention. North America1000 17:26, 23 March 2016 (UTC)

Current use
✅ Sainsf  &lt;^&gt; Feel at home 03:00, 24 March 2016 (UTC)


 * A general question. How do you differentiate between "Early" and "Current"? Is three years ago still "current"?
 * I feel that the present format still works, per the chronology of what sources have reported about the topic. North America1000 13:08, 22 March 2016 (UTC)
 * Alright, as you wish. ✅ Sainsf  &lt;^&gt; Feel at home 17:13, 23 March 2016 (UTC)


 * In 2013, LFTB was in an estimated 5% of beef, according to industry officials. Needs clarity. What industry? Which beef?
 * ✅ Rw to "... was in an estimated 5% of ground beef, according to meat industry officials ...", per the source. North America1000 02:56, 24 March 2016 (UTC)


 * I think "%" should be "percent" as you say elsewhere in the article.
 * Neutral. I don't mind using both the abbreviation and full word in the article, because the abbreviations make it less wordy. North America1000 12:55, 22 March 2016 (UTC)
 * Alright, as you wish. ✅ Sainsf  &lt;^&gt; Feel at home 17:13, 23 March 2016 (UTC)

Regulation
✅ Sainsf  &lt;^&gt; Feel at home 11:18, 25 March 2016 (UTC)


 * Duplink: disinfection
 * Only the first mention of the term "disinfection" is now linked in the article (diff). North America1000 12:35, 22 March 2016 (UTC)


 * Can you explain Baader process? It is a redlink.
 * ✅ Expanded this area of the article. North America1000 10:39, 25 March 2016 (UTC)

Legislation
✅ Sainsf  &lt;^&gt; Feel at home 13:48, 22 March 2016 (UTC)


 * for its elimination Say "pink slime" when you begin a section, not "it"
 * Copy edited (diff). North America1000 13:06, 22 March 2016 (UTC)