Talk:Pong Tiku/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: ErrantX (talk · contribs) 12:06, 14 June 2012 (UTC)

Happy to review this... there look to be only a few issues. First a template!
 * GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)


 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (references): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:

Comments
(adding as I go; I hope I am not too nitpicky :)) That's from my first pass :) All in all a decent article. --Errant (chat!) 12:13, 14 June 2012 (UTC)
 * Image caption is unclear.
 * cause -> caused??
 * It appears the image is of the Governor-General (?) - but the caption confused me slightly. Suggest rephrasing it to start Governor-General J. B. van Heutsz, who... - or similar
 * Reworded to fix both issues.
 * Lead
 * There is no context in the lead relating to the region this individual operated in - suggest finding some way to make the link to Indonesia
 * Added "who operated in central Sulawesi, part of modern-day Indonesia."
 * When the Dutch colonials, based in Java, began invading Sulawesi in the early 1900s, Tiku and his soldiers utilised fortresses to withstand and launch attacks during the middle of 1906; there are two periods referenced in this sentence which makes it a little confusing. Maybe split it?
 * How's this?
 * General
 * Check for disambiguation links; I spotted at least one
 * I'll run the tool.
 * Coffee War; no link?
 * No article. Worth a redlink.
 * Suggest a small (couple of sentences?) amount of background about the region at that time. i.e. feudal warlords
 * How's this? First paragraph. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 14:13, 14 June 2012 (UTC)
 * Prose
 * Piku was born - who?? :)
 * Fixed two
 * In 1880, a war broke out between Pangala' and Baruppu', under Pasusu; sentence fragments confused me. You're saying Pasusu was the Baruppu' leader? Not a biggie but might need a rephrase
 * Clarified
 * Although the Torajans had traditionally valued manpower and not killed people than necessary, Tiku was known to kill men, women, and children; a little unclear - does that mean he was specifically known to have killed Baruppu' people following that war? Or is this just a general comment? Needs clarifying & probably moving
 * Clarified.
 * When Tiku's father died not long afterwards, Tiku became leader of Pangala -> When Tiku's father died, not long afterwards, Tiku became leader of Pangala
 * "When, not long afterwards, Tiku's father died, Tiku became leader of Pangala'."?
 * Tiku also worked on reinforcing his country's defences
 * Done
 * Panggawae 's overtook Tiku's capital
 * Done
 * that month, Luwu fell to Dutch forces; I'm not sure this fragment directly relates to the sentence it is attached to. How does Luwu relate to the other locations mentioned in that section.
 * Added "who then moved further inland." after the bit about the colonial forces. As mentioned above, Luwu was another kingdom. When it fell, Tiku's state came under increasing pressure.


 * First pass it looks good - I'll run through it more carefully tomorrow :) --Errant (chat!) 23:14, 14 June 2012 (UTC)
 * Alright, thanks for the review! — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:15, 14 June 2012 (UTC)
 * Ok, looks good. There were a few other minor tweaks but I just went ahead and did them. Happy to sign off on this. --Errant (chat!) 09:27, 15 June 2012 (UTC)


 * Thanks for the review and fixes! — Crisco 1492 (talk) 12:07, 15 June 2012 (UTC)