Talk:Pong Toss! Frat Party Games

Review comments
Here is a continuation of the comments at WikiProject Video games/Peer review/Pong Toss! Frat Party Games.


 * Controversy
 * Either remove the apostrophe or add commas:
 * Titles generally don't have apostrophes. "Connecticut 's Attorney General Richard Blumenthal"
 * Keeping the apostrophe would require commas around the name because the subject is the Attornery General of Connecticut, which removes the words' ability to act as a title to the name. "Connecticut's Attorney General,  Richard Blumenthal , "
 * Unnecessary comma: "...changed to Pong Toss! Frat Party Games, and all references..."
 * A comma there suggests that the second part after the "and" is a different, but related idea. However, it looks like its a part of a list of actions taken.
 * Reword to avoid repetition of words: "...they were able to change  alter  it without making any significant changes."
 * Unneeded word that sounds like part of a speech: "...this was a victory, but it's only a small one..."
 * Unless Jaeger specifically said "sport", I'd remove this part because beer pong is a game or a hobby rather than a sport. "...but the growing sport  hobby  of beer pong..."
 * Particia Vance's statements about the game use "she" a lot. I'd alternate between "she" and "Vance".
 * I'd split up this runon. "She added that despite its premise being based on a drinking game, it was about nothing more than tossing ping pong balls into plastic cups,  . Vance also commented  adding that she's unsure of the basis for the statement that the game promotes alcohol abuse and binge drinking."
 * Switch from present to past tense: "She state s  d  that the game was rated by three..."
 * "She adds" is used too much. Every statement she makes after the first "adds" to the previous sentence. I'd trim down the usage to only one, maybe two, instances and mix up the wording: "she added" and "she further stated". Something like that can add variety to a paragraph to improve flow, but is largely redundant.
 * Verb tense again. The statements occurred in a letter that was written in the past.
 * "He also criticize s  d  them for saying..."
 * "He state s  d  that the whole premise of the..."
 * "He add s  d  that it would prevent..."
 * Excess comma usage: "...which only receive a Mature rating, which is  ( for ages 17 and over ) ."
 * Parenthesis and em dashes can be used the same way as commas.
 * The sentence about Georgetown University banning beer pong and Haire not finding something surprising is a bit confusing. Some expansion/clarification would help.


 * Reception
 * Missing word: "Pong Toss! Frat Party Games received  a  very negative reception..."
 * Rewording could be the way to go as well: "Pong Toss! Frat Party Games was widely panned by critics..."
 * I sometimes get this confused, but I don't think a comma is necessary here: "..Metacritic and GameRankings, respectively."
 * Tweak to make the phrase more concise and direct. "...controls and  "decade-old PS1"  graphics from "a decade-old PS1 game" ."
 * Missing comma: "...somewhat "well thought-out and creative",  but was wasted..."
 * Without the comma, the two "and"s and one "but" make this a run-on.
 * Reword to improve flow and have verb tenses agree. Called is past tense and bordering is present active. If the two are joined by "and", then they need to agree. Here are some alternatives:
 * "IGN called the game "ridiculously shallow", commenting that it bordered on "pointless"."
 * "IGN stated that the game is "ridiculously shallow" and bordered on "pointless"."
 * Either remove "to" or add "be". Removing "to" would make the sentence more concise.
 * "...of an Adults Only rating for Pong Toss! inappropriate..."
 * "...of an Adults Only rating for Pong Toss! to be inappropriate..."
 * Split up run-on: "...considering games such as Grand Theft Auto IV, Condemned 2, and World of Warcraft hold more lenient ratings, despite not only  He further commented that the same games  allow ed players to see  and consume  the alcohol , but allow players to consume it ."
 * There are two IGN and 1UP.com commentaries mentioned in this section. It sounds like each one is from a different person, but this is not apparent. I'd consistently attribute the words to the authors to clarify things.
 * No need to mention title here because it was clarified further up in the article. "JV Games Vice President Jag Jaeger" → "Jaeger"
 * Split run-on: "In response to the criticism of Pong Toss from blogs and review sites, JV Games Vice President Jag Jaeger stated that the company wasn't bothered, stating  . He commented  that the people who make such statements without actually playing the game are hardcore gamers, who he states  believes  are very prejudiced as to what they like and dislike."


 * References
 * Be prepared to defend Nintendo Life at a quality review. The interview is probably fine, but the review might require a rationale.
 * Sources should list the author if available.

I hope to finish up the last section soon. (Guyinblack25 talk 21:41, 20 December 2009 (UTC))
 * Finished. Sorry it took so long. Life has been busy. I think this article has a real shot at GA. Good luck with it as I think interesting articles like this deserve to be in the spotlight. (Guyinblack25 talk 04:41, 31 December 2009 (UTC))

B Criteria Assessment
Hi! I have assessed the article against the B criteria and found that it still has a few problems. Criteria 2, 3, 5, and 6 are all met.

1:
 * The fact that the game uses the Entity Engine is not supported by an inline citation anywhere.
 * The February 27, 2009, release date in Europe does not appear to be supported by an inline citation anywhere.
 * Reference does not say that GTA has sexual content: Grand Theft Auto series' rating for ages 17+, despite its graphic violence and sexual content.
 * This sentence is not supported by its inline citation: Despite the controversy in the United States, the game makes reference to beer pong in its European title.

4:
 * The sentence It was the first video game created in their Frat Party Games brand due to the drinking game's popularity. doesn't make sense. I think it is implying that JV Games created the Fraty Party Games brand because this game was successful.
 * Uses the examples to do what? Jaeger used several different examples of video games and other media that feature things considered inappropriate for children yet get a relative pass.
 * Sent a letter to whom? The Attorney General of Connecticut Richard Blumenthal sent a letter which criticized the ESRB for its Teen rating of Pong Toss.

Comments that are not required for B-Class:
 * Dates should have a comma before and after the year.
 * There is close paraphrasing in the development and controversy sections. If it's difficult to avoid using the author's words, then don't avoid it. Quote them instead.

Overall the article looks good, and there's very little that needs to be done to bring it up to B-Class. --Odie5533 (talk) 06:33, 24 November 2012 (UTC)